Jan. 5, 2022

E170: Controlling What You Can and Letting Go of What You Can't | Trauma Healing Podcast

In this episode, I'm going to talk to you about something that I found to be a really fascinating juxtaposition of the way that I think about life, and that is CONTROL. This is like a pendulum swing happening for me, in my life and a lot of different...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e170-controlling-what-you-can-and-letting-go-of-what-you-cant-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


In this episode, I'm going to talk to you about something that I found to be a really fascinating juxtaposition of the way that I think about life, and that is CONTROL.

This is like a pendulum swing happening for me, in my life and a lot of different aspects that recently, with my coach we had a conversation about, and they pointed to this idea that sometimes you have to let go while simultaneously being in full control of everything that happens in your life.

Controlling what you can and letting go of what you can’t.

Are you ready to let go and make the life that you want?

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Transcript

Hey! What's up Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode.

And today I'm going to talk to you about something that I found to be really fascinating juxtaposition of the way that I think about life and that is CONTROL and I'll get into that in just a minute. Trust me. You're going to want to hear this at least I think you are but in the meantime, I'm going to read a review and this review is titled;

“Life” by hair62

I have not drunk 900 days and I was getting very restless until I heard your podcast with Casey; I have sent it to some friends. You are amazing. Thank you.

Hair62, my friend, you are amazing, and thank you for that and thank you to all of you, who take the time to leave a review on iTunes or Spotify, or wherever you go, because that helps so much and it would mean the world to me if you would go onto iTunes, scroll down to the bottom, hit that five stars, and leave a review, I would just love your honest opinion because not only does it help the show grow, but it helps me be better at this not only for when I'm doing this one on one but also when I have guests on because my mission, one of my goals this year is to turn to Think Unbroken Podcast into the number one mental health podcast in the world. And so I'm going to tell you this, I cannot do that without you. So it would mean the world to me if you'll go on there, leave a review, it'll take 30 seconds.

Now, today I want to talk to you about the side of control. This is like a pendulum swing happening for me, in my life and a lot of different aspects that recently, with my coach we had a conversation about it, and they pointed to this idea that sometimes you just have to let go while simultaneously being in full control of everything that happens in your life. And I'm going to read something to you from my journal this morning, I don't normally share my journey on the show, but I want to read this because I think it's important.

Control, is the real key to life. I have to control my emotion, impulses, my judgments, and my time. I have to control the ship, to get to the harbor of my choosing, and not let the waves carry me because they don't care where I arrived. My vessel is my everything and the way that I treat it is going to be the difference between success and failure. I must control my sleep, stress, habits, diet, energy beliefs, and emotions.

I must be headed towards my goals and only do things that move me towards them. Each day is a more firm grip on the will of destiny when I'm in control.

And so this morning, after my meditation, I sit down, I started writing that then like, that's just what came out because it dawned on me, incredibly recently that the truth about success in life whatever it means is that, you've got to be willing to be in full control and controlled doesn't only mean. Look, I think control gets a bad rap, you know what I'm saying?

I think a lot of people look at the word control and they say, oh, you're a control freak or perfectionist blah blah blah. Now look, I think that there is an element to that and you must be self-aware. You've got to be cognizant of the way that you're interacting in the world or you very likely will fall victim to perfectionism, and being a control freak, and not moving towards your goals and healthy way.

And I think one of the best ways to not end up, being a control freak or perfectionist is first and foremost to journal and then to meditate and to visualize and to be very clear about what it is that you want to accomplish. For instance, great example this morning, I emailed Big Brothers, Big Sisters of Denver previously when I lived in Portland, Oregon, I got proved to be a big brother with the organization but unfortunately, I was actually living in Bali by the time that they had found someone for me to mentor.

And one of the goals that I wrote down for 2022 is to be a mentor as a big brother once a week and that's in addition to volunteering and other things that I want to do. And so to be in control of that scenario to reach that goal, like think about this, I can't just hope that I can be a big brother, it doesn't work that way, I can't just think about it, I can't visualize, I can't just simply write it down in my journal. I have to control the outcome; I have to control the actions that I take that move me towards that goal and that goal is one of fulfillment. I believe that I will feel fulfilled by having control over my life, which puts me in a position to go and create value in somebody's life in the way that I would have wanted it as a child.

And that for me, is not only paying it forward but that makes me feel good. I have to have control over that and here's why. So I emailed them today, but guess what? I emailed them last week I called them last week, I called them again today like I am going to follow up because here's the thing, this is what happens and I want you guys to understand this.

So often the very first sign that we aren't going to get that were seeking people quit. Some of you are quitting way too fucking early, you're not even in the game yet and you quit.

Some of you have these dreams in these aspirations, these things that you want to do, but you're not trolling the outcome, you're letting other people dictate, what is going to happen and that is fucking dangerous because here's why. You're going to end up in 7 years, 12 years, 15 years, looking back on these things that you wanted to accomplish or do and you're going to blame somebody else for you not being able to make them happen. That comes very simply from this, you didn't control the outcome. A ‘no’ is never a no, this is context, let's be clear, don't come and attack me.

You always have the ability to get what you want in your life. It is always there for you, but you have to be willing to find the other door, the other entry, the other point that is going to allow you to cross the bridge the chasm in do what you want because you're going to get told ‘no,’ it's just inevitable and you're going to get told ‘no’ a lot. You're going to get told snow so often that eventually you're going to be on the precipice of quitting and that's the moment where I want you to remember that you are in control of what happens next. Everything that's next is in your control, your life, your body, your health, your relationships, your partnerships, your businesses, your friendships, the events that you want to participate in that Marathon you want to run, the house you want to build, the impact that you want to make on the world, it is in your control, but you cannot quit at the first sign of no, you cannot give up on yourself. You have to be in control of everything. You have to be control of everything, your emotions, your impulses, your judgments, your time, your energy, your effort, your behaviors, the way you think about yourself when you are by yourself, you have to be the one in control because if you are not I promise you the things that you're seeking will not come, they are not going to be there, they will never happen because no one's going to hand it to you. And so when I'm thinking about this idea about control.

Control, the things that you can control, you have the ability to put your finger on the pulse of so many things in your life, but there are things that you cannot control, there are things that you don't get a say in, there are things that no matter how desperately you want the opposite of what is happening, you're going to have to relinquish control.

This is the juxtaposition, this is the more difficult side of the conversation because there's going to be dead and there's going to be heartbreak, there's going to be a loss and there's going to be a failure, there's going to be all the things that happen in life and you're going to half to take a moment to recognize that there's nothing you can do about it.

Now, there's the conversation that, you know, if you did this thing at that time and moved here, and did that, and all these things that perhaps, it would be different and you could have avoided that and that catastrophic event would never have taken place. But also, I think about this, if you were moving your life and that of control, maybe that thing would have never happened and the thing that is occurred has happened in order to remind you, not only to control the things that you can control but in the moments that the things happen, that seems so detrimental to your very being is to simply acknowledge the pain of it, to look at it, to understand it and to let go of it.

I think about this all the time. At six years old, seven years old, 12 years old, 15 years old. Even going on the back to for when my mother cut my finger off. I could carry the weight of those events with me forever by trying to control them by trying to say I didn't deserve this and that it was not my fault and all those things which are true, let's be very clear, I'm not being culpable for my own parent’s abuse, but what I'm saying is what would happen if I let go of the weight that came along with carrying the emotions that I tied to those events.

What if I could let go?

What if I could acknowledge those?

And instead of looking at and saying, oh, is me, I'm mad at the world. Everything is unfair. I want to burn this shit down.

What if instead, I very simply said these events.

They made me stronger.

They made me more capable.

They made me fearless.

They made me a person who is willing to have these hard conversations because of the impact of the people who consume them.

What if I let go of everything that I tied to those experiences and instead change the narrative that I'm using with myself around them. Control, what I can control, my actions, my movements, my behavior, my thoughts, let go of what I can't.

So, I just want you to think about that for the day.

Think about this, as you go into your day, your week, your life, everything that's next. There's freedom in letting go.

The juxtaposition of it, though, is that it almost feels ironic because you look at life through this scope of, man, if I did this, that would have happened or vice versa and I think at some point you're going to have to just acknowledge and understand the truth.

You ultimately can build everything that you want to have in your life and you'll have to have control over those moments and the moments that you can't you're going to have to let go of and reshape the narrative that's keeping you stuck. 

So, my friend, thank you so much for listening to another episode, truly means the world to me.

Please, like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you

 

 

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.