The Archeologist, The Artifact, The Architect: A New Way To Heal Trauma | with Kristen Crabtree

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[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine for a moment, if all of the things that are in the way of you becoming the person that you wanted to become, start with the questions you were asking yourself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What if it's just simply that you're not looking at life through the right window, or maybe if you are, you're looking at the wrong destination?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What if the journey internally is about stepping into a power of emotional sobriety, is about moving from survival mode into adaptation, is reclaiming your identity?

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[SPEAKER_00]: But most importantly, how do you dig yourself out to become you in the way that an archaeologist might?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, in today's episode, that's exactly what we're going to talk about with the amazing Kristen Crabtree.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My friend, thank you so much for being here.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for having me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, same.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited for this because I think that we're in a place in time right now where people are really seeking a deeper level of identity and understanding.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So for those listening who don't know you and this the first time being introduced, why should they listen to our conversation together today?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because there's a couple of things that are kind of radical that are going to change your life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My basic package is moving people from trauma to truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And when I mean package, it's like the way I tie things up with a bow or adaptation to truth, both of those.

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[SPEAKER_01]: finding my truth, my true self.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So this is not an academic thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It is learned and applied from real life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it is the archaeologist, the artifact, and the architect.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so through that process, you're able to really uncover your truth because you are the only person who knows.

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[SPEAKER_01]: the way to get to you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I hate self help, a hate personal development, because all that implies that there's something wrong with you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And really what I have found is that stripping away rather than changing or modifying or adding is really what's going to lead you to happiness.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I have a couple of key methods for doing that, too.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, one of the funny things as I actually also help, I hate self-help and personal development.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the things, especially early on, you know, I'd see like guys like Tony Robbins and I would see guys like Brendan Bershard and Marie Furlio and whoever it was at the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think to myself, these people have no idea what's going on in the world.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But then you kind of learn about it and you go wait a second, actually there's some value here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's something that I can take from this.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you walk down these paths of different therapeutic approaches, or do things like I did where you go to all the A-A, N-A, S-A, A-B-C-D, all of the acronyms, and you just kind of sit and you think it's like, wait a second.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What I'm getting so much of here in all of this is when I see people who have really created a trajectory of growth,

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[SPEAKER_00]: And what they're really doing when you're in these spaces, which is crazy because you don't see it until you see it, is there kind of giving you permission to do the same thing, which I think a lot of people need what's been your journey into this, how did you get from where you were to where you are right now.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I'm going to give you the short version of the victim story, the trauma story.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're welcome to ask details, but I'm also sort of sick of telling it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I was sexually assaulted at 13 rate to 15 that is significant because.

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[SPEAKER_01]: that feeling of inability to keep myself safe, led to a 22-year psychologically abusive marriage where my previous traumas were weaponized against me and so I forgave a lot of

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[SPEAKER_01]: manipulation, control gasiding, blame shifting, what else can I say?

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[SPEAKER_01]: For 22 years, until there was pretty much nothing left of me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And when I left, and this is really important for people to hear who are in that fog, when I left, I didn't leave because I had clarity.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't leave because I had a plan.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And if you're waiting for clarity and a plan,

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to happen.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My image in my head of leaving was crawling out the door on my hands and knees and into my car.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, is that what it looked like?

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[SPEAKER_01]: No, but is that what it felt like?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I left in a place of fear, a known,

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[SPEAKER_01]: lack of safety, you know, all of that, and sometimes you just have to face that abyss and the bear that's chasing behind you is scarier than the abyss in front of you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that's the guys of going from survival mode into adaptation and into really learning and understanding who you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I've always said like the assimilation process of becoming yourself and the new adaptation, like that's really the hardest part because when you're in survival mode and I talk about this a lot, you know, I grew up,

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[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the most abusive homes that you could imagine, and I have an ace score of 10, a learning disability, all of the things that I've talked about over the years, and it's crazy when you have this moment of reckoning and you're like, wait a second, the space of my life that I'm in right now, this thing that I believe is reality is a survival mode adaptation so that I can just

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[SPEAKER_00]: is buried in kind of the worst parts of you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if this was your experience, but I kind of go when I look back at periods of my life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think to myself, like, I don't recognize this person, whoever this is who is 350 pounds, smoking two packs a day, lying cheating, can't make the business work, never shows up for himself in relationships that are basically relationships that he had with his mother.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, all of these things, they were survival mode.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you move over to this place of peace and calm and regulating your nervous system, and you go, wow, I don't even recognize what that is or that experience.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But so many people believe it's their identity, but it's not.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So how does trauma and prolonged stress?

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[SPEAKER_00]: How does it create these masks that we wear?

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[SPEAKER_00]: These roles that we have and create this space where we think what we're doing is safe when it's really not.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so I also want to highlight a word that you said, you actually use the word buried.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what my process was about is about.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So, yes, everything really about, like people use the word identity as kind of as if that's what we're trying to get to, but actually for me, identity is all of those layers, all of those adaptations.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they're actually very natural, normal things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They're to keep us safe and loved and secure, accepted.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So these adaptations are not necessarily things to be ashamed of, or feel guilty about once you start to realize that they're there.

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[SPEAKER_01]: They're there for for a good reason.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And even people who haven't been through

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[SPEAKER_01]: The family experience that you've had, you know, who were born into some blessed family that doesn't even really exist because I'd love to meet it if it does, but even that kind of situation, you're still putting on mass, you're putting on mass to adapt to, you know, your job and your training and your kids and your spouse and all of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the process that I went through.

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[SPEAKER_01]: was truly a process of digging or excavation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why I came to liken it to the role of the archaeologist.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The story there is like, how did I get to there?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, from that person crawling on hands and knees out of the house.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The first couple of months that I left were

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[SPEAKER_01]: consumed with me consuming anything on any material on narcissistic abuse.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know that I was being manipulated and controlled and blamed.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know any of that when I left.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so finding out that that's what I was going through.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had to

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[SPEAKER_01]: reaffirm constantly that it wasn't me, you know, and there's actually a book called It's not you that is brilliant because you just keep you keep doubting yourself, you know, you you're still controlled by that person even after you've left.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And after about three months of, I am not exaggerating.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'd wake up in the morning.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'd either put one of those audiobooks on or I'd go on a circle support group for narcissistic abuse.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would be on that while I was getting ready for work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would go on it during my lunch walk.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I would start it as soon as I got off work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I would listen to it till I went to bed because if I didn't, I wouldn't believe that I wasn't the problem.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So after about three months of that, I remember this really vividly I was in my kitchen and I was about to press play actually on it's not you for like the third time and I stopped and I said you know what I'm kind of done with it so I realized that a lot of the people in the support groups were staying stuck in their victims story and I don't know how to get out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't want to be there the rest of my life, you know?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so I opened my audible app to see if there was something else I could listen to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And there was a title of a book called Becoming Supernatural.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I knew nothing about the book.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I knew nothing about the author.

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[SPEAKER_01]: His name is Dr. Joe Dispenza.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I worked Dr. Joe as everybody calls him.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that book started the process of changing my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Now, his book is not about digging an excavation, but what came from his work was a person who could start to shut down monkey mice enough to hear her truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And once I did that, I was literally,

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[SPEAKER_01]: I had come home.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was sitting on my sofa and I said, what am I, you know, out loud to my true self is what I, I call it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What, what am I supposed to do next?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I heard loud and clear immediately, go find the book you wrote in 1999.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't remember writing, well, I remembered writing the book.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't remember what the book was about.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I barely remember writing it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it definitely wasn't like a conscious logical kind of thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: A meditial hoarder.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I found it and my backup drives.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I opened it and the first chapter was made up of eight exercises.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the first one is called Who Am I, which is actually now sort of my home my I call it for play in my book and it's also on my website and that exercise combined with the other seven made me realize that what I had created back then was really.

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[SPEAKER_01]: process of excavation of digging through the rubble.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I didn't use that model or methodology of, you know, archeologists artifact architect back then in 1999.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I started to realize that's what I was doing as I was doing my dig.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I think that happens a lot, you know, and I think that that's so difficult to in the beginning not be consumed, and and I went through that as well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, once I found Dr. Felidae's research on ACE score when I mean I was 29, so you know, 11, 12 years ago now

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[SPEAKER_00]: it's all I did.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's all I consume myself with.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I never really anticipated the outcome of it would be this podcast and coaching and speaking and all those things.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was just like, I have to find the rhyme and reason to why my existence is what it is.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's what so many people go through.

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[SPEAKER_00]: and there's constantly in this place of trying to understand how they got to where they are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And there's like this always deep-seated question, I think that people are trying to answer.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And while it may have variance, I think it kind of always sits in this place of like, how do I fix this?

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[SPEAKER_00]: how do I fix myself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do I fix this problem?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And what I came to realize very early on in my healing journey was it wasn't that I was trying to fix myself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was me trying to answer this question about like who am I actually?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think people I don't think I know people who go through

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[SPEAKER_00]: viciously traumatic experiences, they lose identity, they lose who they are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I've said for years, the backside of childhood trauma is the theft of identity.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's true for a lot of different traumatic experiences that could be a house fire.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It could be losing a career, it could be ending a 20-something-year relationship.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, there's so much of our identity that gets intertwined and intermingled,

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[SPEAKER_00]: with our other experiences of life, generally more so than negative than the positive.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm reading all these books, going to all these seminars, paying for these programs, getting all these certifications, just doing this massive deep dive into this foundational understanding of trauma and its repercussions, but also the post-traumatic growth healing journey, and really trying to understand it, and underlying through all of it, it was always like, how do I fix, how do I fix, how do I fix, and then I figured out the truth of it was like, no, no, it's about owning who you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it's answering the question about who am I.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's the question that people should lean into.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know that's a huge part about what you talk about.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't have the words for it probably 10, 12 years ago how I do now.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously that comes in the knowledge and the learning and the the own personal growth.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But if people are in this place, there were you were standing in the kitchen, listening to audible, realizing like, wait a second.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's something deeper here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm asking myself the wrong questions.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to understand who I am more.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Where do they start that process?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because it sounds like you have a light bulb moment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think I did too.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I think maybe we can guide some people and kind of push them towards understanding how to get that question.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, the way I approach it in my book, I'm going to start there, but then I'm going to give some more like tangible, you can do this as soon as you get off the podcast kind of things, but the way I approach it in my work is I give people information that so science.

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[SPEAKER_01]: metaphysics, philosophy, I give people information that they can then use, whether they, you know, whatever resonates with them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm always telling people, I'm not the expert.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have some ways to help you hear yourself, but ultimately you're the expert.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I don't give all this information and say you have to use all of this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I give information.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it's sort of qualifies the person to when they do their dig to be able to look at things and say, okay, is this, you know, in terms of artifacts, is this like, is this part of my authentic self, or is this part of my adaptation?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so the artifacts that you're digging up do that, how do you get to the artifacts?

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[SPEAKER_01]: through my process, you get to it through a lot of questions and a lot of exercises.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And again, my book is like filled with about a hundred questions per section and there's four primary sections and 20 to 40 exercises per section.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's a lot.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're not supposed to go through all of it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you can.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But the idea is one question will be like, oh, yeah, I need to look at this and another one won't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So the excavation is really all of these questions and exercises that you can use to hear your truth and hear who you really are.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Here, what's authentic versus what's an adaptation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then from that, you're able to build what I call a jig.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the jig is so in Carpentry,

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[SPEAKER_01]: A jig is something that the carpenter will build before they start building the chair and the jig is there to help them build it more efficiently and more accurately.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that every you know chair leg is the same size and fits into the right hole and all of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it takes a little bit of time to build up front, but the beauty of it is once you have it decisions can be made instantaneously like there's no.

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[SPEAKER_01]: pro-conlist.

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[SPEAKER_01]: There's none of that because your jig is based on your truce.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's based on your passions, your values, your morals, the things that really drive you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And once you know those and you have them very clear in this tool, you can then, you know, look at, okay, so I got this job offer.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's for twice what I'm making now, but it's going to keep me in a cubicle where I'm not interacting with people.

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[SPEAKER_01]: All right, so that matches, you know, a financial goal, but it doesn't match at all, you know, my truth, which is in, you know, in my jigs.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So I wouldn't be in alignment, which means I would be hearing from my true self.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so, yes, so the voice, the way to know that you're, there's a couple ways you can know that you're not living an alignment with your truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So,

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[SPEAKER_01]: One is, I believe, okay, so our truth or I'm going to use true self.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's my language, but whatever, the authentic part of you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So your true self doesn't have a way to text you, don't have a cell phone, sorry.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So they can't send you a text message.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So what they do instead is they talk to you through your feelings so your emotions.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When you're faced with something like this job offer, okay?

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you lose a job, you go to the job interview and you're just like, this just doesn't feel like the right place to work, but no other job offers come and they offer you the job and say you take it,

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[SPEAKER_01]: So, you ignored the first message, and then you, you know, start to feel dread whenever your boss walks by, so that's the second message, and then you start to feel anxiety and harp palpitations as you drive to work, so that's the next message, and then you start getting an illness or problems with your marriage, and so that's the next message, and then if you don't listen to any of those, your true self is going to hit you over the head with a 2x4, and that's just the way it works.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're in that pattern, if you're basically, if you're not living in a piece of a place of peace, equanimity, motivation and drive without any external effort, if you're not living there, then you're not living in alignment with your authenticity.

20:04.306 --> 20:05.367
[SPEAKER_01]: Because that's the other thing.

20:05.547 --> 20:10.711
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you are living in alignment, you don't need motivation, you don't need discipline.

20:10.911 --> 20:12.132
[SPEAKER_01]: It all just flows.

20:13.053 --> 20:17.759
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, so yeah, I kind of got on the tangent, but that's, that's it.

20:18.179 --> 20:24.706
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I think that's a great way to start that process of like getting into the place of answering this question of who am I.

20:25.127 --> 20:29.552
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wrote a note as you were talking because it's something that I found to be incredibly true.

20:30.153 --> 20:33.556
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was ignoring those signals, I was working a job that I hated.

20:34.217 --> 20:36.340
[SPEAKER_00]: I was in a relationship that wasn't working.

20:36.801 --> 20:41.988
[SPEAKER_00]: I was not taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, none of the ways.

20:42.709 --> 20:46.594
[SPEAKER_00]: I found myself constantly in negative self-talk.

20:46.915 --> 20:48.697
[SPEAKER_00]: I was always beating myself up.

20:49.478 --> 20:50.840
[SPEAKER_00]: nothing ever did was good enough.

20:51.180 --> 20:54.685
[SPEAKER_00]: I could not seem to do things the right way.

20:55.506 --> 21:04.056
[SPEAKER_00]: And on the back side of that, because I was ignoring all these signs, all these signals, all these markers, and you talked about this idea of the true self-hitting you.

21:04.997 --> 21:06.018
[SPEAKER_00]: with a two-by-four.

21:06.518 --> 21:18.045
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, that came from me in the way of five panic attacks a day for about eight months to almost a year, where it was crippling, where it was so bad that I couldn't function.

21:18.185 --> 21:26.610
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I was losing business, I was sick, I couldn't sleep, I had massive insomnia, it was a really, really dark place to be in.

21:27.290 --> 21:45.920
[SPEAKER_00]: And, and it wasn't until I was driving across country, I was on my way to move to Portland, Oregon, so I could go work with the therapist to whom this to this day is still like my guy, and I was laying in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere Utah, and it was like 60 bucks for the night, and I was

21:46.520 --> 21:47.180
[SPEAKER_00]: dead bro.

21:47.661 --> 21:50.703
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, I had to stay in the cheapest hotel and that was disgusting.

21:50.763 --> 21:55.185
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm literally laying on top of my freaking clothes in this hotel room.

21:55.846 --> 22:06.292
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I'm laying there, I'm listening to this meditation and I'm just trying to call my nervous system because I'm in this crazy adventure where I've just made this decision to

22:07.513 --> 22:19.710
[SPEAKER_00]: really walk down this path of trying to figure out and architect my life and be like, this is who I am and this is where I'm going, where I realize, oh, if you lie, you have panic attacks.

22:20.745 --> 22:30.374
[SPEAKER_00]: If you lie, you're doing it because what we talked about earlier, you're in a survival mode and you believe lying as an adaptation and navigate the world, you're gonna have panic attacks.

22:30.894 --> 22:41.904
[SPEAKER_00]: If you lie because of all these things, and you're not showing up, you're not taking care of yourself, you're forcing the discipline, you're forcing the habit, you're forcing the career, it's going to come.

22:42.545 --> 22:45.786
[SPEAKER_00]: there's you can't avoid it and you're going to pay the taxes on it.

22:46.246 --> 22:54.370
[SPEAKER_00]: But what's so fucking hard about it is you're sitting here and I know people are hearing this conversation and they're like, yeah, easier said than done.

22:55.050 --> 23:04.614
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that one of the really difficult parts is that moment where you decide and people always say, well, the decision comes in the moment where staying the same is worse than the pain of change.

23:04.974 --> 23:07.995
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get that like we're not talking anything no one's ever heard before.

23:08.515 --> 23:16.199
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's a nuance in that moment because it's in that space where what you're actually doing is you're choosing yourself.

23:16.939 --> 23:25.383
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's the hardest thing for people to understand, especially in the midst of a traumatic experience or on the backside of a traumatic experience.

23:26.003 --> 23:31.526
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, hey, you're actually allowed to fucking love yourself enough to do something different.

23:38.229 --> 23:40.371
[SPEAKER_00]: But this is where people get trapped.

23:41.232 --> 23:42.312
[SPEAKER_00]: How can we help people?

23:42.653 --> 23:45.495
[SPEAKER_00]: Two part one, how did you get yourself un-trapped?

23:45.675 --> 23:48.918
[SPEAKER_00]: I guess to begin with, and then how can we help people do the same?

23:49.438 --> 23:55.583
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love this topic, and I'm really deep in it right now for a very personal reason.

23:55.603 --> 23:55.663
[SPEAKER_01]: So,

24:00.297 --> 24:08.455
[SPEAKER_01]: The first step is to have an understanding of why you're stuck because you may know I'm in a bad place, but

24:10.655 --> 24:16.261
[SPEAKER_01]: You may be unable to break out of it emotionally or logically anyways, right?

24:16.441 --> 24:17.982
[SPEAKER_01]: So what's that sticking thing?

24:19.263 --> 24:24.248
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and this is not, you know, new news, but it is important news.

24:24.428 --> 24:26.290
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is that we live in a loop.

24:26.490 --> 24:27.892
[SPEAKER_01]: The loop is we have a thought.

24:28.352 --> 24:29.914
[SPEAKER_01]: The thought creates an emotion.

24:30.014 --> 24:31.535
[SPEAKER_01]: The emotion is a feeling.

24:31.635 --> 24:33.137
[SPEAKER_01]: The feeling releases a chemical.

24:33.815 --> 24:49.423
[SPEAKER_01]: that chemical causes a behavior which causes an experience which goes back to the thought, but what I came to realize which is like it was transformational for me is that I was a junkie.

24:49.664 --> 24:51.044
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was a junkie too.

24:52.565 --> 25:12.377
[SPEAKER_01]: The cortisol and adrenaline that I was getting when I was in my marriage, and to the oxytocin that I was getting from the trauma bond, and the, you know, withdrawal of dopamine, like that was the chemical cocktail that my body was used to, okay?

25:12.817 --> 25:19.421
[SPEAKER_01]: So you get out of that marriage, but your body is still addicted,

25:23.414 --> 25:25.415
[SPEAKER_01]: And it needs its drugs, so where does it go?

25:25.455 --> 25:26.937
[SPEAKER_01]: It tries to find its fix, right?

25:27.557 --> 25:31.140
[SPEAKER_01]: So, okay, there's a couple things that could happen.

25:31.380 --> 25:34.222
[SPEAKER_01]: If we're talking about a relationship, you get into another relationship.

25:34.322 --> 25:37.204
[SPEAKER_01]: That's exactly the same, different person's same thing.

25:37.964 --> 25:38.064
[SPEAKER_01]: Or...

25:38.985 --> 25:39.745
[SPEAKER_01]: You spin out.

25:40.146 --> 25:40.906
[SPEAKER_01]: You ruminate.

25:41.086 --> 25:43.207
[SPEAKER_01]: You think, you know, you think about that trauma.

25:43.227 --> 25:45.528
[SPEAKER_01]: You think about what that person did to you.

25:45.588 --> 25:49.549
[SPEAKER_01]: You think about how, you know, the, like all that stuff.

25:49.649 --> 25:56.972
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason you do that is because you need your fix because your mind doesn't know the difference between something real and imagined.

25:57.473 --> 26:01.034
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you're thinking it, your body still thinks you're in it.

26:01.414 --> 26:03.055
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you get your chemicals.

26:03.856 --> 26:05.757
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, then your body can calm down again.

26:05.838 --> 26:10.781
[SPEAKER_01]: So even if the chemicals are like bad, they're what your body knows.

26:10.861 --> 26:13.283
[SPEAKER_01]: It's familiar and that's what it wants.

26:13.343 --> 26:18.447
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not, it's not your body is just trying to keep homeostasis, you know?

26:18.547 --> 26:20.148
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just trying to keep you safe.

26:20.328 --> 26:22.870
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what, so your body is not being bad.

26:23.310 --> 26:27.093
[SPEAKER_01]: But what this means is we have to become emotional, they sober.

26:28.414 --> 26:31.876
[SPEAKER_01]: I stop drinking when I left my marriage,

26:33.837 --> 26:35.699
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been sober now for over two years.

26:36.079 --> 26:45.807
[SPEAKER_01]: And the addiction to alcohol was so much easier to kick the addiction to these dag on chemicals.

26:46.027 --> 26:49.070
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I swear to God, they're way harder to kick.

26:49.710 --> 26:54.294
[SPEAKER_01]: And so becoming aware that you truly are, it's not just modifying your behavior.

26:54.434 --> 26:56.536
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just becoming aware of the emotions.

26:56.596 --> 26:57.937
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not just okay, journal,

26:58.614 --> 26:59.915
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, get it out.

27:00.275 --> 27:06.300
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not that your body is physically biochemically addicted to these.

27:06.440 --> 27:07.300
[SPEAKER_01]: And you have to break it.

27:07.601 --> 27:09.542
[SPEAKER_01]: I have some tools for that, but you have to break that.

27:10.583 --> 27:11.764
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you do.

27:12.004 --> 27:14.085
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's wild how true that is.

27:14.185 --> 27:16.587
[SPEAKER_00]: And people don't recognize that and understand it.

27:16.927 --> 27:20.850
[SPEAKER_00]: I think one of the worst things that we've done as a culture as a society.

27:21.110 --> 27:22.051
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is universal.

27:22.091 --> 27:26.834
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not like exclusive to America, but everywhere, because I've been around the world and back again.

27:27.815 --> 27:36.042
[SPEAKER_00]: Generally speaking, almost unanimously across the board, we do not appropriately teach people how to understand their own biochemistry.

27:36.542 --> 27:42.226
[SPEAKER_00]: And when people understand that they're actually having a biological experience, that changes them.

27:42.587 --> 27:50.433
[SPEAKER_00]: Because when you understand the dopamine and the cortisol and the epinephrine, and when you understand why your migdala does this and your hippocampus does that and you

27:50.833 --> 28:03.488
[SPEAKER_00]: walk through the understanding of the prefrontal cortex and growth and all the, I mean, from literally the way you eat to the way you sleep to what you consume to the way you have sex, to the way you spend money, it is all chemical.

28:04.069 --> 28:08.274
[SPEAKER_00]: And people don't understand that and they're like, why do I keep having the same behavioral pattern?

28:08.734 --> 28:12.056
[SPEAKER_00]: Why do I keep repeating and doing the same thing over and over?

28:12.076 --> 28:13.917
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, I would never date that person again.

28:14.277 --> 28:15.678
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't spend money like this.

28:15.758 --> 28:17.599
[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't not invest in myself.

28:17.659 --> 28:18.960
[SPEAKER_00]: I would stop eating junk food.

28:18.980 --> 28:22.742
[SPEAKER_00]: I would take care of myself is like you're an addict.

28:22.922 --> 28:34.029
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's subconscious because you have not yet come to this place where you're sitting in front of it and you have a cognizant understanding of the biochemical experiences that you're having.

28:34.509 --> 28:35.310
[SPEAKER_00]: That was one of the most

28:36.030 --> 28:45.612
[SPEAKER_00]: that was the biggest aha for me was looking at people and relationships and money and food and I was addicted to everything.

28:45.952 --> 28:49.573
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I've never been shy to be like I'm an addict because it's true.

28:50.033 --> 28:55.215
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm one decision away almost on a daily basis from destroying my entire life.

28:55.615 --> 28:55.855
[SPEAKER_00]: You know.

28:56.515 --> 29:15.401
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's just true because I know who I am in being able to utilize tools like I have, whether it be my coach or my therapist or journaling or meditation, going to the gym, trying to eat as clean as possible, not drinking, not getting high every day, not, you know, all of these things, they're actually tools to make your life better.

29:15.881 --> 29:18.082
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's also really important that

29:18.722 --> 29:19.843
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to have a goal.

29:19.983 --> 29:44.457
[SPEAKER_00]: There has to be something that pulls you forward that requires you to raise the standard of who you are, because I think about the people who it's like when you see the 50 year old guy in the club, you're like, dude, what are you doing here, you this was 25 years ago, you should have stopped being in here, why are you still here, because I haven't yet let go of who that identity was to become the person that they're supposed to be.

29:45.057 --> 29:45.958
[SPEAKER_00]: You talked about tools.

29:46.158 --> 29:47.079
[SPEAKER_00]: I have a ton of them.

29:47.099 --> 29:53.164
[SPEAKER_00]: I think people need tools, but I think people also hear tools and like fuck, I got to do another thing.

29:54.225 --> 30:00.330
[SPEAKER_00]: Why don't you talk me through the process of why they actually work first and then let's get into what they are.

30:00.893 --> 30:13.786
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, okay, so I have a pretty current real example of me falling off the wagon because you know I thought I had a very humbling experience recently.

30:13.846 --> 30:19.392
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought that I was kind of free of my addiction, meaning the chemicals of emotions.

30:21.210 --> 30:24.731
[SPEAKER_01]: So I left my marriage and then I lost my job.

30:25.211 --> 30:31.573
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the same week that I found out my cat had cancer, IBD and kidney disease.

30:32.033 --> 30:41.015
[SPEAKER_01]: My stepson, who was an adult with autism and epilepsy, had a self-inflicted accident and died.

30:41.475 --> 30:44.676
[SPEAKER_01]: And then my cat proceeded to get sicker and sicker and died.

30:45.136 --> 30:47.557
[SPEAKER_01]: And then a month later, I found out my dog had

30:49.177 --> 30:57.103
[SPEAKER_01]: which is cancer of the inner lining of the blood vessels, which I've had two dogs die of, and they literally just went day, like all their blood vessels explode.

30:57.603 --> 31:02.587
[SPEAKER_01]: And I had seven months, usually you don't know the animal has that until they die.

31:02.607 --> 31:10.853
[SPEAKER_01]: For, you know, life reasons I found out, but I lived for seven months in a state of hypervigilance.

31:11.973 --> 31:19.461
[SPEAKER_01]: watching every moment to see, you know, as this moment that she's going to pass and how can I, you know, live life to its fullest and be with her and all this stuff.

31:19.581 --> 31:30.192
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I had already come to a pretty nice state of peace and equanimity in my life by this point, you know, because she died two weeks ago.

31:30.352 --> 31:32.835
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was already kind of there a number of months ago.

31:33.896 --> 31:38.880
[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought, you know, a little bit, you know, you get to stickly like, oh, I've arrived.

31:38.940 --> 31:42.443
[SPEAKER_01]: I figured out how to, you know, myself, this, you know, chemical.

31:43.264 --> 31:51.711
[SPEAKER_01]: And when she passed, I realized, all of a sudden, I had nothing in my life from my past.

31:52.271 --> 31:54.592
[SPEAKER_01]: like nothing, absolutely nothing.

31:55.372 --> 32:03.936
[SPEAKER_01]: And that is good and bad because my past was not great, but there were things in my past, like my dog and my cat and, you know, things that were great.

32:04.096 --> 32:07.137
[SPEAKER_01]: And now all of a sudden I have nothing.

32:07.337 --> 32:11.319
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I had no more stress, I had no more anxiety.

32:13.580 --> 32:15.821
[SPEAKER_01]: So I wasn't getting my chemicals again.

32:16.361 --> 32:20.163
[SPEAKER_01]: So even though I, you know, I

32:22.856 --> 32:23.979
[SPEAKER_01]: Trying to think of the right word.

32:23.999 --> 32:24.079
[SPEAKER_01]: I...

32:26.004 --> 32:35.109
[SPEAKER_01]: experienced her dying process with as much perspective and calm and peace is possible.

32:35.709 --> 32:38.411
[SPEAKER_01]: She had a great last seven months.

32:38.651 --> 32:40.752
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a great last seven months with her.

32:41.232 --> 32:42.733
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's no guilt.

32:42.773 --> 32:46.595
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no regret.

32:46.655 --> 32:47.676
[SPEAKER_01]: None of that is there.

32:48.737 --> 32:54.340
[SPEAKER_01]: She had as peaceful a death as she could possibly have and yet and yet

32:55.325 --> 33:06.900
[SPEAKER_01]: uh, about four days after she passed, I spent my first four days feeling lots of gratitude for her and I couldn't talk about why or not, but I realized just how grateful I was for her for a gift that she gave me.

33:07.420 --> 33:10.244
[SPEAKER_01]: But about four days later, I'm sitting there spinning.

33:10.644 --> 33:12.126
[SPEAKER_01]: Tonight, is there anything?

33:12.327 --> 33:13.408
[SPEAKER_01]: The, is there anything I could,

33:13.588 --> 33:31.623
[SPEAKER_01]: They did a little bit of the right little monkey brain, and I, but I caught it because, you know, you'll learn how to do that, doing, you know, doing this work, and I caught it, but I still was like, oh my god, okay, I want my chemicals, I want my addiction, right?

33:31.663 --> 33:32.503
[SPEAKER_01]: I want my drugs.

33:32.583 --> 33:35.285
[SPEAKER_01]: So, how am I going to not do this?

33:35.446 --> 33:39.189
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, there are a lot of different tools that I had to pull

33:41.030 --> 33:54.327
[SPEAKER_01]: before I could calm down enough to kind of let it pass one of the things that I did after that because I was so humbled I'm like okay so I'm still back where I was two years ago in some ways.

33:55.663 --> 34:17.673
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually told a friend of mine who kind of knows my work and you know what I'm doing with my life and I said you know I could really use your help on something and he said what and I said so you know I'm fine with the motion I'm fine with sorrow you know it's fine to be sad that my dog passed right it's great to weep and all of that but.

34:18.773 --> 34:21.674
[SPEAKER_01]: the spinning out part, no, that's the drug addiction.

34:21.894 --> 34:24.095
[SPEAKER_01]: And you can hear the difference in my voice.

34:24.695 --> 34:30.077
[SPEAKER_01]: So next time I'm doing that, just say, ah, you're being a junkie.

34:30.117 --> 34:33.618
[SPEAKER_01]: You need your fix, where are you gonna get from?

34:34.178 --> 34:37.679
[SPEAKER_01]: And he started laughing and he's like, yeah, I can do that, I can do that.

34:37.779 --> 34:45.002
[SPEAKER_01]: So you know, just having the ability to catch yourself sometimes and to, you know,

34:48.785 --> 34:53.859
[SPEAKER_01]: time to funny, you know, once, once you're able to step back a little and see what's happening.

34:56.090 --> 35:07.554
[SPEAKER_00]: So when you, when you get there, which I think is wildly important because again, it's about being cognizant and recognizing, but I wanna go deeper because I don't think we touched it enough.

35:07.814 --> 35:15.437
[SPEAKER_00]: Like when we look at tools, which I wanna walk down this path of, why are they working?

35:15.797 --> 35:20.659
[SPEAKER_00]: Like what is the thing that's happening where it's like, man, I actually see the change.

35:20.739 --> 35:21.619
[SPEAKER_00]: What is that?

35:21.719 --> 35:23.400
[SPEAKER_00]: What is taking place in that space?

35:23.942 --> 35:24.623
[SPEAKER_01]: Why do they work?

35:24.783 --> 35:25.023
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

35:25.624 --> 35:33.772
[SPEAKER_01]: So they interrupt your, so there's that loop, the thought, you know, emotion, behavior, experience.

35:34.212 --> 35:39.518
[SPEAKER_01]: So the tools are there to interrupt some part of that loop.

35:40.439 --> 35:47.666
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's different tools kind of depending on where you're at in that loop.

35:48.306 --> 35:57.434
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's what they do, they interrupt it, they stop it, they press pause long enough for you to at least see what's happening.

35:57.614 --> 36:00.456
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe not change it yet, but at least see what's happening.

36:01.717 --> 36:02.658
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what the tools do.

36:03.699 --> 36:26.690
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I think the the pause button I teach my clients this every single person have ever coached always knows this the pieces in the pause right because we talk about the addiction to all the chemicals to all the things that are happening to the chaos whether self inflicted or otherwise and the only way you can move through that is in the pause is in taking a moment.

36:27.250 --> 36:35.239
[SPEAKER_00]: and getting your nervous system regulated because if you do not do that, you are only always going to be on a path of self-destruction.

36:35.720 --> 36:38.723
[SPEAKER_00]: And then you're going to get back to this place where I guess is this who I am.

36:39.544 --> 36:43.308
[SPEAKER_00]: But along that process, there's in the transformation, right?

36:43.328 --> 36:47.573
[SPEAKER_00]: Because if you look back at your life even a year from now,

36:48.798 --> 36:49.078
[SPEAKER_00]: student.

36:49.098 --> 36:53.920
[SPEAKER_00]: If you look back at your life a year ago, you're going to look at your life and go, wow, that's a totally different person.

36:54.320 --> 36:57.581
[SPEAKER_00]: Five years is the same 10 years, 20 years, 30 years whatever it is.

36:58.121 --> 37:00.301
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, you get to choose who you get to be.

37:00.862 --> 37:04.663
[SPEAKER_00]: This is the part that I think is so fascinating about our human experience.

37:05.443 --> 37:08.826
[SPEAKER_00]: Statistically, I should be dead or in prison.

37:09.467 --> 37:15.833
[SPEAKER_00]: Your zip code is a better indicator of long-term success than almost anything else that's measurable.

37:16.314 --> 37:20.237
[SPEAKER_00]: And I grew up in one of the worst areas of one of the worst cities in America.

37:21.098 --> 37:29.280
[SPEAKER_00]: At the least during the time that it was and it's kind of making its way back to that right now in Indianapolis and and so I have friends who are dead.

37:29.480 --> 37:30.720
[SPEAKER_00]: I have friends who are in prison.

37:30.780 --> 37:32.661
[SPEAKER_00]: I have family who are in prison for life.

37:33.161 --> 37:38.182
[SPEAKER_00]: I family members who are dead, you know, the whole gamut of things and I've been in trouble a lot.

37:38.322 --> 37:43.143
[SPEAKER_00]: I've got myself in this very sticky situations, but there's always been this part of me.

37:43.923 --> 37:46.245
[SPEAKER_00]: where I was like, there's something else here.

37:46.945 --> 37:48.946
[SPEAKER_00]: And I kept having these like revelations.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It was really this space of being like, no, no, I know there's something more.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I meant for more.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm destined for more.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what it is, but I can feel it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then suddenly it started to turn into this thing.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it realized there was also this process of self-reclamation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: it was like I had to sit here and be like I am taking me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm letting go of everyone who always told me what I can or cannot be and letting go about it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I know it's a huge thing that you talk about.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Let's dive into that a little bit more because I think people hear stuff like this and like I'm ready to be me and they get trapped because now that's when the work starts.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I think

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[SPEAKER_00]: This is my personal view on it, just because, well, I've coached over 3,000 people, had millions of people with some of those podcasts.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I've a pretty decent understanding at this point.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I wouldn't call it mastery, but it was a pretty decent understanding about human nature.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that the moment that people come to the decision of, I am going to be me, that's actually where the work begins.

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[SPEAKER_00]: All of the other work is like precursor.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What's that?

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do we walk that path?

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do we get people into that space of now they're ready?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Now it's scary, but let's do it anyway.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So we talked at the beginning about, you know, thumbs down to self help and personal development.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I am on the same page with you and what I call it as the process of self revelation to self reclamation.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, self-revelation is remembering your truth and self-reclamation is designing the you that is an alignment with that truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so you're claiming that true self.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, how do you like start that when you're going, okay, I'm willing to do this, but it's really scary.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The first thing I say is it's really important that it doesn't become something you dread, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because if it's something you dread, you're not going to do it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean it's not work.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it is work, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: But it should be something that you want to do because it

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[SPEAKER_01]: feels right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So not it feels good, but it feels right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, what that looks like is, you know, my personal experience was that I did these questions and exercises, but my pace wasn't.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Always binging like there may have been days where I was like or weeks that I was like okay I'm going to binge and do you know as much deep dive as I can but you have to give yourself the space to design a path that is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: more conducive to your nervous system.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's the wandering path, there's the scenic route, there's the, you know, I want to get to the destination on the freeway.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you can start on one and shift to another.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You just have to commit to yourself to be true, to listen, and to be willing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you do those things, even if it's like 30 seconds a day, the first time your truth starts to pay attention, because it knows your paying attention.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it starts to trust you and you start to trust yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's when momentum can build.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's really that first commitment to

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[SPEAKER_01]: to do doing it, even though you may not know what the it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And it can take a lot of different forms.

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[SPEAKER_01]: For me, it was the exercises and questions, but there's other paths to get to your truth.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and I think one of them is, I dare you to stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself in the eyes and be okay with the reflection.

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[SPEAKER_00]: because if you can get there, that's where you know that you're actually being who you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because you can't lie to yourself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, lying in bed at night with your head on the pillow is where the truth comes out.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And you can't escape it because again, that pause, now while the piece might be in the pause, so is the chaos.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So it was the rumination.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So it was the holy shed.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I am not living my life as the person that I'm supposed to be.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a really scary place to be because now you're in this consummate battle, but the closer that you can move and getting into that place of acknowledgement of this is my truth.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And again, I've looked at life kind of segmented in the six different areas.

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[SPEAKER_00]: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, and sexual.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think you have to be truthful in all of those areas all of the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: If you truly want to embrace this idea of self, if you really want to be this person who moves from the survivor mode and always being stuck to this person who's like, this is who I am.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm living my truth.

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[SPEAKER_00]: This is my best version of

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I think that that can be really difficult because it's scary.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it also requires you to let go of a lot of who you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think one of the areas that people also tend to get stuck is in this space because they're like, all right, I'm going to do all this, but what about all the identity that I'm leaving behind.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What do people do with that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's interesting that you talked about your model of the mental body, emotional body, physical body, spiritual body, financial body, and sexual body.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because my book actually also breaks it down into the first four, the E-mentioned.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The original book also had financial and something else, and I am.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I took that out for a variety of reasons, but your your model reflects very much the same sort of analysis that I found to be helpful so you said about leaving the identity behind what do you do with that so.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I honestly didn't have that problem because once I could hear who I really am, like none of that mattered, you know, it was and you know, that doesn't mean that you don't still I don't let me speak in the first person.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't mean that I don't still put on a mask from time to time because.

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[SPEAKER_01]: you know, we go to a corporate meeting and we can't dress in our hippie clothes.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We have to, you know, look a certain way or, you know, you're meeting a friend's father who is very different politically than you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So you might have to, you know, kind of wear a mask to, you know, be in that space.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But the difference is you know you're wearing a mask.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So like you're intentional, not just like putting it on and not even knowing you're putting it on.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So it's Halloween and you put on the corporate mask and then you go home and you take off the corporate mask.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And you know that that was a mask that you were wearing to adapt to a specific environment.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So that you could be heard and listened to and help people who expect a certain thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But that doesn't mean it makes you an authentic.

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[SPEAKER_01]: because of the awareness and the intention, you're still perfectly authentic.

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[SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that I want people to do if they feel called to because of our conversation is to come and reach out and find you.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Before I ask you my last question, how can they learn more about you and what you do?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so if you've, like, been listening to this conversation, but they can, oh, I want to be a part of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I have a link that you can go to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's YouTube.0.com, y-o-u, the number two, the word point, the number zero.com.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That is honestly just a place to schedule with me, and it's free, and there's no sales pitch.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a coach.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I just, my, my truth wants me to get people on a path.

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[SPEAKER_01]: to their truth.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so if in a half hour or so I can help do that then my truth will be very happy with me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: The other thing you can do there is download PDF on emotional sobriety and how to achieve that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Um, if, uh, scheduling with me as overwhelming, you can also go to my, um, pair more paradox project, which is pair more paradox.com, and I'm sure, Michael, you'll have a link to that, um, you know, for them.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But those are the two places.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And guys, of course, if you go to thinkonbrokenpodcast.com, you'll find all that information and more in this show notes for today's episode.

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[SPEAKER_00]: My last question for you, my friend.

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[SPEAKER_00]: What does it mean to you to be unbroken?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm magnificent and so are all of you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You just forgot.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So being unbroken is remembering your truth of your magnificence, your brilliance.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I cannot believe I say that about myself now because I used to be suicidal.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I tried to kill myself, you know, all that stuff.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's amazing when you really do remember how magnificent you truly are.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's awesome.

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[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, that sort of means to be unbroken.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, brilliantly said, and for those of you today who feel like they need to step a little bit closer, they're true, maybe you need to do so in connection with someone close to you share this episode with them, because they may need it too.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you being here, my friends, Kristen, thank you for being here as well.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of yourselves.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Take care of each other, and until next time, my friends, be unbroken.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you.