Embodied Confidence, Core Values, And Taking Control Of Your Life | with Amy Natalie

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[SPEAKER_01]: We have these moments in our life where one of the hardest things that we're ever going to do is look in the mirror and choose to become the embodied person that we're capable of being.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's in leadership, that's in confidence, that's navigating grief and loss, that's navigating the crazy scope of the world that we live in and mental health and

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[SPEAKER_01]: especially in the micro decisions of our life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's funny because even today I made this post where I was talking about the very thing that I do every single moment of pretty much every single day as I ask myself, what can I control in this moment?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that has given me such an incredible, incredible bit of freedom in my life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And today I'm very excited.

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[SPEAKER_01]: to have my guest Amy Natalie on the show because we're going to dive into all of this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: If you're stuck, if you're lost, if you're uncertain, if confidence is low, the world is on top of you, you don't know which way is up, but you got to figure it out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm inviting you to come and jam with us today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That said, Amy, my friend, welcome to the show.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Um, thank you so much.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so grateful to be here and I'm excited to connect with you and your listeners.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm excited as well.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we've followed each other online for a long time and whenever I see your content, I just think to myself, yeah, this person understands the world in a different way than most people.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But for those who are listening, they have no idea who you are or why they should listen to our conversation today, cue them in a little bit.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Why should anyone listen to us?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So something I'm a firm believer in is that we often hear the things that we need to hear

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[SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes we can hear the same things over and over and over again, and then there's that moment where it clicks.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember my experience of listening to a ton of podcasts when I was in a really dark place and I was seeking support and I was reading self health books and Sometimes it was just someone's story or one thing that they said that really landed for me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I believe that if you're listening to this right now that that's a possibility for you today and

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[SPEAKER_00]: inviting you to be here with an open mind and open heart because I really believe that what we're talking about today can truly transform your life and one conversation like this can really open up new possibilities for you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I fully coastline that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What is transformed in your life?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Give us a little bit of frameworks, so people understand the journey, and so that they can get into the context of seeing the experience that you've had.

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[SPEAKER_01]: What were maybe two to three of the biggest transformations the overcoming the micro decisions that have built Amy today?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the visual that comes to mind from me right now is living a vanilla picture perfect life and transitioning that into the full rainbow and living a very multi dimensional reality and going from

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[SPEAKER_00]: Being raised in a more conservative cultural upbringing, I was raised, I went to a private Jewish school, my upbringing upbringing, and I was in a very conservative environment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think like many people who are on a spiritual path, like when we're younger, we know who we are, we know that there are

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[SPEAKER_00]: There were parts of myself that I really had to hide because I didn't feel like they were accepted.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't feel like those were the things that would help me to get love and acceptance and validation from my family and from my community.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And some of those deeper pieces for me were around my emotions and around my sensuality and my expression.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the emotional part is probably the biggest change that I've seen in my life and the thing that I feel could be the most life changing for anyone that I serve and that I work with because I went from being

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[SPEAKER_00]: clinically depressed, waking up with anxiety three a.m. in the morning, living a life that checked all the boxes, got married, did the things I was supposed to and in my mid 20s was like, well, then why am I not happy?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember trying all the things going to therapy, getting my yoga teacher training certification,

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[SPEAKER_00]: You know, doing reading all the books, and I just remember being the bathtub one night and being so exhausted, like being so exhausted of repeating the same patterns over and over, being exhausted of my own bullshit of my own stories of not taking action, not listening to myself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I just remember looking up and for the first time in my life praying and being like,

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[SPEAKER_00]: God, universe, whoever's out there, like, please show me the way, please help me, like, I've got nothing left to give, like, I've given it my all and there must be a bigger reason why I'm struggling right now and why I'm suffering and this can't be it for the rest of my life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And from that moment, I really started to devote myself to a more spiritual path.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I started meditating daily and as I did that, I started to hear more of my inner voice.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the question that came through was, are you going to keep trying to make everyone else happy at the expense of your own happiness?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then after that, the next thought that came up was, wait, I can't actually make other people happy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: No matter what I do, it's their job to be happy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that was a big turning point for me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That was a point where I stopped living my life for what it looked like on the outside and started to really discover what it is that makes me happy, who am I without all the masks that I've been wearing the people pleasing the labels,

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[SPEAKER_00]: and what I really want in my life and what impact I want to create here.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So I would say that's the biggest change that has happened for me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things that I think about all the time is you have one life and there are so many people who live in fear.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And they also live in indoctrination, and if you're living in fear and indoctrination, and then you sprinkle on whatever kind of negative childhood experiences you've had, which we've all had some some more than others, and it's like you're you're you're sitting in this bathtub moment and it's like, yeah, you're you're faced with the the inner voice that may or may not guide you, but on the other side, there's also that part where it's like,

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, we'll prove it now.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I gave you whatever the thing is, God, universe, Mother Nature, Batman, whatever you align with, gave you the thing that you were hoping to find and now you're sitting in front of it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And most people don't trust themselves enough to take that first step.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know that's certainly been true for me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I had very big visions as a kid.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I growing up in poverty and being homeless with drug addict parents, I was like, one day, one day, one day.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And one day kind of came and it would go and then it would kind of come and then it go and some things would change but mainly they would stay the same and I realized I had to just rip the bandaid off like I just had to be like fuck it.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna go for this and honestly it was terrifying because at 25 years old, 26 years old, 30 years old, 35 year old, even at 40 and now so much of it is like I just got to prove it to myself every day

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know about you, but I started with zero self-trust about this idea that I could become this version of the man that I am today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was just like, well, you got two options.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Fuck and kill yourself, or like, try hard, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's a very black and white binary way to look at the world, but that's where I was, and that's just true.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you get to that point?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You heard in the voice, you're having the moment, you had your call to Jesus experience,

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then you have to make a decision.

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[SPEAKER_01]: That's where most people get trapped.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Why did you, or did you not get trapped in that space?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And what did you actually do to start moving yourself forward?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because this is where people are stuck right now.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this is something that I talk about a lot is it's first about being honest with yourself, which is also being honest with the universe, which is like, and God, whatever you believe in, and it's like, okay, what's happening right now is not working, right?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And getting really clear on what are the aspects of your life that are draining your energy?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are the aspects of your life that you're holding onto out of safety or because you feel like you won't be okay without them?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then what are the aspects of your life that you want more of because I believe that we all have dreams and desires and goals, even if we don't 100% believe that they're possible for us, there is something in each of us that is calling us forward to be a better version of ourselves to make an impact in the world.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So first it's really looking at like what am I hiding from myself and what am I holding on to?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then the next piece of it is actually speaking your truth.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that was the biggest thing that I had been avoiding specifically in my marriage is I was terrified for three years to actually share that I wasn't happy and that this relationship wasn't actually.

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[SPEAKER_00]: in alignment for me or there were pieces that were missing and there were many reasons why I didn't feel confident to share that at the time but often it does start with communicating and being honest with the people in your life or being honest with your job or the relationship that you're in or your parents like I remember having super challenging conversations with my family.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And those conversations were huge catalyst.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And similar to you, it does feel like you're throwing yourself off the cliff.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I remember conversations where I would just have to even count in my head like 3, 2, 1, go.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like, just fucking say something.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Those conversations as hard as they were created so much relief because it was like these things had been living inside of me all along, but I just hadn't been honest and I did that as a form of self protection right and then the next piece is living your truth, which is I think what you're talking about is taking the action.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think a lot of people feel like, oh, I need to scrap everything in my life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I need to eat perfectly healthy.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I need to start the business in one day and the reality is is it's not like that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It is the daily showing up for yourself.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I would rather you pick one thing every day to show up for five minutes.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And prove to yourself that you can do that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And then you can make it 10 minutes a day, 20 minutes a day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And for me, something that was actually really helpful that I didn't know about myself is gamifying those actions.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So for example, one of the meditation apps that I use is called Insight Timer.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It's a free app.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it tells you you've meditated one band a row.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You've meditated two days in a row.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You've meditated 20 days in a row.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And there's different kind of gold stars.

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[SPEAKER_00]: To some extent, we all kind of have that internal desire for the gold star.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And whenever I've made a habit change, it's actually because I've been tracking it or because I have this reference point of like, oh, I showed up for myself today.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So for someone who's like, I have,

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[SPEAKER_00]: Told myself I'm going to show up a lot of times and now I don't trust myself because I don't follow through.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I would really encourage you to take bite-sized pieces one step every single day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: No matter what fear comes up, no matter what doubt comes up, no matter what excuse comes up and just do the damn thing.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and that's, here's, here's what's so interesting about that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You talked about, you know, in the beginning, like you're just like, let me do something, let me try anything and it's scary.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I, I think any time, like ending a marriage, ending a relationship, quitting a job, going for it, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Asking the person out, saying, hey, do you want to come on the podcast?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, wherever that thing is, you're always staring at a new version of you.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to come out of the backside of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to be different.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's really hard to let go of that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I know it has been for me, like, and as a human, we do not embrace change easily.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I have, you talked about gamifying your life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when I look at my experiences and so many of the experiences of people who I look out in the world and I go, oh, they figured something out.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not saying they figured it all out because I don't think anybody has, but the one thing that they figured out is how to give themselves reward for the showing up.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I, I understood the world so wrong for so long, Amy.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like I, I used to think, the goal was, the money, all the chicks, all the sex, all the drugs, all the fun, you know, and I trust me, I indulge in all that shit.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then I was like, oh, actually what it is, it's billboards and times where our best selling offer, number one podcast host coach of the year, one of the best two figures in the country.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, yeah, I have a fucking indulge in that too.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And then I had this again, another coming to Jesus moment that I'm on the backside of like my fifth dark night of the soul.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, really what it is.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, who are you choosing to be today?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like being very clear and intentional about the present.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And the goals drive us, like you can't argue that.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think anybody who wants anything in their life or anyone who's come from nothing, there's something different that we want to move towards.

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[SPEAKER_01]: reconciliation about who you actually are with yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, there's that window, you're lying to yourself and tell you're not.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that was the thing that I figured out, like that was the aha moment because even in this success and this is so crazy because people could look at what I've built in my life over the last decade and they're like,

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[SPEAKER_01]: What do you have to complain about?

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[SPEAKER_01]: You dated fucking models and you fly first class and probably and like I would train it all back to know what I just said That is about this moment, right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so how do we how do we lean people and how did you lean yourself into the presence?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I mean obviously meditations huge.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I meditate every day when I don't I can definitely tell I didn't so I I make it a priority

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, in people here that should all the time, and I don't want to whitewash.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, go fuck and meditate.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We've said it a thousand times on this show.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It'll change your life.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But beyond that, like, what are you actually doing to get into this moment and to see yourself against the version of you that you're trying to become?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I feel like there are several different components to this conversation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: One is around what are the mental patterns that pull you out of the present moment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: because an old version of myself, I would say 95% of my thoughts were negative and the volume of those thoughts were at like a nine out of 10.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we really, along with meditation, also get to look at these deeper subconscious and limiting beliefs of,

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[SPEAKER_00]: how do you perceive yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: What are you saying to yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Like I used to have horrible body image issues.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I would be so in my head all of the time if I was having a conversation with someone, if I was taking a photo with someone, if I was going out, like I was not present because I had these negative beliefs around my body.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And let's just be real.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There was literally nothing wrong with my body at the time.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I had inherited and I had taken in these stories from the world around me as a women, but I think that men experience this too of what it means to be attractive and how I'm supposed to look and what shape my body is supposed to be and just picking myself apart.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I have to start to identify those types of patterns, including things like

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[SPEAKER_00]: Not feeling fully lovable, feeling like I needed to be a chameleon or I needed to change my personality in order for people to want to be around me or to be accepting of me.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And so we start to bring awareness to ourselves through therapy, through journaling, through meditation, through yoga, through introspection.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And the reality is you have to create space for that in your life.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So you don't necessarily need a two hour morning practice, but you do need to be dedicated to growth each and every day.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And

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[SPEAKER_00]: When you start doing that, you can start to identify these patterns and when we bring awareness to the patterns, we take them out of the shadows.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And we take them out of the shame that in cases them and keeps you locked into those same patterns over and over again.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So that's the mindset piece is identifying what those patterns are really coming into acceptance of those patterns letting go of judgment if there's something wrong with you because you aren't confident or you don't love yourself and and really just coming into the acceptance that we all have our own shit and that now you're looking at it and now is the opportunity to even love the parts of yourself that feel afraid or that feeling secure.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And it is through that loving acceptance of those parts that they stop taking up so much space because really they're just trying to get your attention.

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[SPEAKER_00]: That's why they're so fucking loud.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that would be the first piece of the mindset.

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[SPEAKER_00]: The second piece is embodiment.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And that term is very can be very cliche.

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[SPEAKER_00]: It can be just like a hot word that's moving around similar to like somatic work.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But really it is about our trauma is stored in the body.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Our emotions are experienced through the body.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So if we're just stuck in our head over analyzing things, which we're very, very good at in the Western world, we're not actually changing them.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We have to have an energetic and emotional release in order to actually heal and move through these old traumas and these old beliefs that are stored in our body so things like breath work things like

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[SPEAKER_00]: movement, shaking, sounding.

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[SPEAKER_00]: We are so afraid as a culture to make sound, to let out sound when we have emotions coming up.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Actually feeling your rage or your sadness in a way that is productive.

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[SPEAKER_00]: This somatic works helps us to create more space in our body to be more present.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a combination of those two things for me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's powerful.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's so much of my own personal experience has been leaning into those things.

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[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and if you're emotions are turned off, you know, this is something we've talked about many, many times on this show before, but

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[SPEAKER_01]: If your emotions are turned off, you're in trouble.

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[SPEAKER_01]: But if your emotions are at a control, you're also in trouble.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I kind of sit in this idea of like control your emotions, control your life, but you have to be able to understand what they are.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right, you talked about this part earlier about hiding parts of yourself and hiding your emotions.

19:13.319 --> 19:19.523
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that most people do not have a good frame of reference for what emotions are even supposed to be.

19:20.463 --> 19:23.545
[SPEAKER_01]: I conflated the idea of anger with violence.

19:23.885 --> 19:25.606
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought anger equals violence.

19:25.946 --> 19:27.747
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought love equals sex.

19:28.027 --> 19:30.709
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought happiness equals the car.

19:31.169 --> 19:32.550
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, whatever that thing might be.

19:32.570 --> 19:37.913
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's because I realized, and I understood in retrospect that I'd been

19:39.093 --> 19:42.096
[SPEAKER_01]: Trained is not necessarily the right word, but in some capacity.

19:42.136 --> 20:03.132
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you've been trained to understand This is what your emotions are supposed to be and then that gets reinforced in society You're only happy if you have the huge house in the smoke and hot chick and all the money You're only happy if you have the perfect body in huge boobs and you know the whatever the thing it and you're like wait a second like based on what

20:03.912 --> 20:13.420
[SPEAKER_01]: There's this idea that I really find myself sitting in over the last couple of years of divorcing myself from other people's reality.

20:14.040 --> 20:14.881
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's weird.

20:14.981 --> 20:16.983
[SPEAKER_01]: I almost live in a silo now.

20:17.123 --> 20:23.047
[SPEAKER_01]: I always have, like, I've always been kind of like the weird kid on the side of the room, like, you know, what do in my thing?

20:23.908 --> 20:26.592
[SPEAKER_01]: But I found especially over the last couple years.

20:26.872 --> 20:29.716
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I don't give a shit about your political views.

20:29.836 --> 20:31.498
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care about how you see the world.

20:31.638 --> 20:33.681
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care what you think about me.

20:33.701 --> 20:39.128
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care about what movies you like or I'm going to do me and I'm going to be in this silo.

20:40.209 --> 20:43.031
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't mean I don't have friends and I'm not in the world and doing my things.

20:43.071 --> 20:47.915
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just saying, like, I've really ostracized myself from anything that doesn't serve me.

20:48.516 --> 20:52.479
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that there's this process of removing yourself from expectation.

20:53.140 --> 21:00.245
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, I think when you're in the position that you were in, you're taking a huge risk by doing

21:01.226 --> 21:13.050
[SPEAKER_01]: Any time that we remove ourselves from what it is that we know, there's like a downside for a pretty decent period of time and tell you kind of walk through that tunnel to the other side.

21:13.590 --> 21:17.091
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think people are so afraid of the idea that they're going to make a mistake.

21:17.571 --> 21:19.932
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to go back into that trust piece for a second.

21:21.261 --> 21:23.824
[SPEAKER_01]: How do they know that they're making the right decision?

21:24.504 --> 21:26.847
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you know that you were making the right?

21:26.867 --> 21:36.536
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm guessing, I don't know, because I'm not unidently of your life, but I would assume, because I've had this moment where you're laying in bed and like, fuck, should I just send it to that relationship?

21:36.937 --> 21:37.678
[SPEAKER_01]: What am I doing?

21:38.318 --> 21:40.060
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you know what was right?

21:40.120 --> 21:41.742
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you know how to trust yourself?

21:43.904 --> 21:56.669
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, to be clear, it took me three years in that experience to get to that place of really listening to my inner voice and more recently ending another long term relationship.

21:56.729 --> 22:02.511
[SPEAKER_00]: It took me three months, maybe a little bit less to hear that voice and to take action on it.

22:02.551 --> 22:09.033
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think we get better at it over time through experience and I just want to say you can't fuck it up like.

22:09.787 --> 22:27.857
[SPEAKER_00]: You can't fuck it up, you can't get it wrong, like if you are feeling like something is not working in your life and you keep choosing to go down that path, that is self abandonment like that's harming yourself if you leave the relationship or leave the job and then that.

22:28.879 --> 22:40.702
[SPEAKER_00]: maybe gives the other person a chance to look at the way they were contributing or maybe it gives you information about what you want in the next relationship or the next job that you're always going to learn something.

22:41.363 --> 22:52.826
[SPEAKER_00]: So I talk a lot about intuition being in the body but that can be confusing for people because it's like oh well I feel like excited about this opportunity

22:56.827 --> 23:02.408
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it takes a lot of practice to really start listening to what's happening in your body.

23:02.468 --> 23:09.889
[SPEAKER_00]: But for me, when something's not feeling right, there is a lot of, there can be contraction in my chest or on my heart.

23:09.949 --> 23:14.810
[SPEAKER_00]: There can be a lot of anxiety buzzing in my body, like something feels off.

23:15.510 --> 23:22.692
[SPEAKER_00]: And then when something feels true for me, when I'm in a calm environment and a calm space and I sit with it,

23:25.492 --> 23:25.732
[SPEAKER_00]: right.

23:25.852 --> 23:26.873
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels easy.

23:26.933 --> 23:29.395
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels expansive.

23:30.076 --> 23:30.837
[SPEAKER_00]: It feels true.

23:31.257 --> 23:37.463
[SPEAKER_00]: And there is a felt sense and a resonance of truth that you get better at feeling and sensing over time.

23:38.063 --> 23:42.167
[SPEAKER_00]: And you might actually have to quote unquote mess up in order to learn that.

23:42.947 --> 23:49.693
[SPEAKER_00]: You might have to like make the mistake learn the lesson and then next time you learn something from it.

23:49.954 --> 23:50.274
[SPEAKER_00]: So,

23:51.040 --> 23:55.382
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's, or next to me do something different than you did before.

23:55.442 --> 24:01.684
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's just how our human life works is we go through these experiences and we learn from them.

24:01.704 --> 24:12.729
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so then I want to lean a little bit deeper into that because I do really, and this is maybe a little anecdotal just because it's my own experience, but.

24:14.168 --> 24:22.272
[SPEAKER_01]: defining truth as a filling tied to an intuition feels like a million miles away from somebody who is probably dissociated.

24:22.913 --> 24:31.057
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do you how do you understand and define self trust as a feeling as like an embodied experience?

24:31.077 --> 24:33.798
[SPEAKER_01]: Like what what might that feel like for somebody?

24:45.640 --> 24:47.541
[SPEAKER_00]: being grounded and anchored.

24:48.461 --> 24:52.943
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like, I just made a decision that felt right for me.

24:53.424 --> 24:57.365
[SPEAKER_00]: And even if my mind is like, oh, maybe a mistake, you shouldn't have done that.

24:57.946 --> 25:01.807
[SPEAKER_00]: Like that grounded anchored feeling keeps coming back.

25:02.068 --> 25:11.632
[SPEAKER_00]: If I picture myself going back to the relationship or if I picture myself going back to the job, where I was burnt out, stressed out, all the things,

25:13.099 --> 25:17.542
[SPEAKER_00]: My body gets all tense and it gets all, it gets uncomfortable again.

25:17.783 --> 25:30.832
[SPEAKER_00]: But when I think about continuing down the path that I'm going even though it feels unknown, there is a feeling of groundedness or is a feeling of peace that comes up for me and my body.

25:30.952 --> 25:35.496
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think for everyone, it might be a little bit different how their intuition speaks to them.

25:37.212 --> 25:39.337
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's how it registers in my body.

25:39.697 --> 25:45.389
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, do you have experience where you felt like something was right in your body and you followed it?

25:46.698 --> 25:47.799
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, for sure.

25:47.899 --> 25:59.886
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that what I've discovered being so wildly dissociated as a child, not having any real agency over literally my physical body because of the abuse.

25:59.926 --> 26:10.773
[SPEAKER_01]: And then going into my 20s and chasing the wrong things for so long, and into my 30s, trying to navigate like what a success look like married to all these things that I was going through.

26:11.453 --> 26:20.892
[SPEAKER_01]: where I've landed is just very simply if for even a millisecond, it feels like it's not who I am, I say no.

26:21.977 --> 26:30.084
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that has actually been a stronger marker for me, then leaning into what I could define as what feels true or right.

26:30.244 --> 26:41.774
[SPEAKER_01]: Because sometimes what feels true right in the moment is dopamine, is this really amazing, addictive chemical experience that we all have.

26:41.794 --> 26:49.080
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the same way you're like, yeah, I'm going to go do whatever the thing is that makes me feel good, even though I'm going to regret it tomorrow.

26:49.620 --> 27:00.404
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I look for is, is there something in that experience of making that decision where I actually go, ah, that doesn't feel right.

27:00.844 --> 27:06.066
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I'm looking for because I think that offset's true for is a parallel to, right?

27:07.246 --> 27:10.908
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also think like you mentioned like some of it like you just got to get in the game.

27:11.765 --> 27:36.872
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like you have to like get in the game, like you have to be a participant in your own life, but this is where people start to get stuck because we live in buzz world buzz buzz word world say that three times fast and so people are always like I'm somatically healing and I'm this and that an authenticity and blah, blah, blah, blah and like, okay, cool, that's great that you know all these words, but are you living it?

27:39.527 --> 27:50.911
[SPEAKER_01]: You talk about something that I think is so unbelievably profound because I think it's kind of where I live to and it's this idea of like understanding how mental health impacts living with authenticity.

27:51.571 --> 28:01.975
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think it'd be really powerful if you could dive into that because I think that might be a shelf and an anchor that people have to be able to touch maybe first.

28:02.435 --> 28:04.616
[SPEAKER_01]: before they can get into the trust side of it.

28:04.656 --> 28:11.659
[SPEAKER_01]: I might have went backwards into this, but I'm curious what what a mental health and and real authenticity have to do with each other.

28:11.679 --> 28:22.084
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to give a disclaimer that I'm not a medical doctor and that you get to do what's right for you and I'm just going to share about my journey and what I've seen over and over again with my clients.

28:23.380 --> 28:28.563
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was a senior in high school, I went to therapy for the first time.

28:28.583 --> 28:30.864
[SPEAKER_00]: I was experiencing tremendous depression.

28:31.325 --> 28:37.769
[SPEAKER_00]: Got diagnosed with clinical depression and was told that I had an imbalance in my brain and not I would have depression for the rest of my life.

28:38.809 --> 28:47.274
[SPEAKER_00]: And while I do think that there are some genetic pieces for me in my family lineage that lean more towards depression,

28:53.036 --> 29:12.147
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I got older and started to go on my spiritual path and learn more about who am I without all the expectations, without all the shows, without who it, I think my parents want me to be or without who I think my friends want me to be or who my ex has been wants me to be, like who am I really?

29:13.108 --> 29:18.050
[SPEAKER_00]: And the more connected I got to that, the more at peace I was with myself.

29:18.231 --> 29:21.052
[SPEAKER_00]: And the more I started making decisions that felt true

29:23.292 --> 29:42.825
[SPEAKER_00]: And so what I've seen is that when we are living a life that is not authentic to us, not true for us, when we are trying to do it for maybe it's external safety or maybe it's for external validation, it leads us further and further away from our true nature.

29:43.717 --> 30:00.865
[SPEAKER_00]: And the more that we can come back to our to nature and what is it that actually brings me joy, what is it that what are the things that I want to spend my time doing, who are the people that I want to spend my time surrounding myself with what are the clothes that I want to wear that make me feel good.

30:02.566 --> 30:07.469
[SPEAKER_00]: What is the way that I want to contribute to the world where I feel like I'm making a difference.

30:08.583 --> 30:14.226
[SPEAKER_00]: those factors are going to lead you to having more stability in your mental health.

30:15.106 --> 30:17.327
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's not to say you're never going to feel sad.

30:17.367 --> 30:18.387
[SPEAKER_00]: You're never going to have grief.

30:18.407 --> 30:19.488
[SPEAKER_00]: You're never going to feel angry.

30:19.548 --> 30:20.828
[SPEAKER_00]: You're never going to feel hopeless.

30:21.389 --> 30:28.992
[SPEAKER_00]: But when you are living more authentically with yourself, you're designing a life that is more true for you.

30:29.132 --> 30:35.355
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you're designing a life that's more true for you, it's going to lead to more happiness and more fulfillment in my personal experience.

30:37.492 --> 30:39.794
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that, I mean, that adds up for me, certainly.

30:39.934 --> 30:45.920
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, one of the things you said at the beginning of the show is like, you were hiding parts of you, your motion, your sensuality.

30:45.940 --> 30:48.743
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and I think that that carries out right.

30:48.803 --> 30:52.926
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, how do you be this, I'll use my own word sexual human being.

30:52.966 --> 30:54.288
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you be a sensual human being?

30:54.328 --> 30:58.091
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you be emotionally embodied human being if you're hiding?

30:58.672 --> 30:59.873
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realized,

31:01.482 --> 31:30.267
[SPEAKER_01]: Probably, I mean, at this point it would have been like seven or eight years ago that one of the the biggest lies that we tell about ourselves to ourselves is in our sexuality and in our sexuality and one of the things that that does is it creates this massive block and and what I realized in that space was if you're not who you are all of the time like all of the time like I mean every moment of every day you can never fully be you.

31:31.153 --> 31:42.403
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's what's so hard about this because we're always in this space of, I mean, like really it's almost performative at some capacity where you're pretending to be you.

31:43.204 --> 31:51.952
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna have a whole city hate me right now, but I was in, or tellin' whatever you wanna call, I lived in Bali for a small period of time.

31:52.513 --> 31:53.734
[SPEAKER_01]: And this was in 2019.

31:55.395 --> 31:58.617
[SPEAKER_01]: and the whole time that I was there, I didn't want to go there first and foremost.

31:58.677 --> 32:00.157
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a friend convinced me.

32:00.398 --> 32:05.460
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, dude, because I was living in Thailand and I was just having the best time, I love Thailand's my favorite place in the world.

32:05.900 --> 32:10.663
[SPEAKER_01]: And just having the best time, I'm living on a beach, chillin', writing my first book, like life is good.

32:11.063 --> 32:14.825
[SPEAKER_01]: And my friend calls me, he's like, come to Bali, it's amazing.

32:14.845 --> 32:16.826
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I don't really want to go to Bali.

32:17.486 --> 32:20.047
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't trust myself, but I learned to really and put my last in mind.

32:20.067 --> 32:20.868
[SPEAKER_00]: They're just kind of right there.

32:21.488 --> 32:22.429
[SPEAKER_01]: Totally, right?

32:22.649 --> 32:24.971
[SPEAKER_01]: But trust me, he was very convincing.

32:25.011 --> 32:26.912
[SPEAKER_01]: Come stay at the villa.

32:26.932 --> 32:28.453
[SPEAKER_01]: We have a housekeeper in a cook.

32:28.533 --> 32:32.015
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, you know, you got a beat side, top to bottom windows.

32:32.095 --> 32:33.637
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I was like, all right, I'll come.

32:34.117 --> 32:48.167
[SPEAKER_01]: But while I was there, the thing that I started notice is it felt like a place where people would go to pretend to be the person that they wanted to be instead of being the person that they are.

32:48.907 --> 33:01.955
[SPEAKER_01]: And I notice that in pockets of culture around this idea of empowerment and body and authenticity, there's something so performative about it.

33:02.155 --> 33:06.657
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that it can get lost about what the message and mission really is.

33:07.798 --> 33:23.424
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and the reason I was bringing up Bali specifically is because like, as I was there, I would continue clashing with people because I wouldn't back down from my ideologies and who I believe myself to be, and it's oddly conformist, right, to be in these spaces sometimes.

33:23.464 --> 33:26.485
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, Amy, I'm never going to static dance.

33:26.645 --> 33:29.106
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to do it, I fucking hate it, it is not for me.

33:29.146 --> 33:31.907
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would be in these spaces and people like, come on, man, it's just

33:32.207 --> 33:35.130
[SPEAKER_01]: it'll change your life and you're gaslighting me right now.

33:35.210 --> 33:37.372
[SPEAKER_01]: Stop trying to make me do something I don't want to do.

33:38.293 --> 33:39.994
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm saying all this to get to this point.

33:40.775 --> 33:45.419
[SPEAKER_01]: When I think about being ourselves, it cannot be performative.

33:45.939 --> 33:51.804
[SPEAKER_01]: It cannot be faked, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, sexually, like you have to be you.

33:53.146 --> 33:55.167
[SPEAKER_01]: What was your like greatest, un-

33:56.028 --> 33:57.610
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, how do I want to phrase this question?

33:57.970 --> 34:01.773
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, when you think about the moment of time where I was like, Oh, shit, I'm actually Amy now.

34:02.234 --> 34:03.315
[SPEAKER_01]: What did that look like?

34:03.375 --> 34:04.336
[SPEAKER_01]: What did that feel like?

34:04.396 --> 34:13.704
[SPEAKER_01]: What was that experience that that existed for you in that space where you're like, I'm not going to pretend to be this happy person anymore or this depressed person, whatever.

34:13.724 --> 34:17.408
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be Amy and all of these verticals of my life.

34:17.448 --> 34:18.689
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what was that like?

34:19.229 --> 34:19.430
[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.

34:19.990 --> 34:22.032
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have two distinct memories on that.

34:22.841 --> 34:35.353
[SPEAKER_00]: One was after my divorce, you know, before my divorce, I was like, if I end this, I'm gonna lose everything, I'm gonna lose everyone, I might be abandoned by my family.

34:35.373 --> 34:38.776
[SPEAKER_00]: I just was, I was like, I can't keep going this direction.

34:38.856 --> 34:40.498
[SPEAKER_00]: I have to move in a new direction.

34:40.698 --> 34:43.560
[SPEAKER_00]: And most of that didn't happen.

34:43.621 --> 34:45.622
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, there were some people who fell out of my life.

34:46.243 --> 34:46.683
[SPEAKER_00]: However,

34:47.723 --> 34:51.666
[SPEAKER_00]: What happened was I started to just show up as me.

34:51.686 --> 34:54.828
[SPEAKER_00]: I talk about like ending my marriage was not really just about the relationship.

34:54.848 --> 35:00.512
[SPEAKER_00]: It was about letting go of that identity that I was holding on to that I was performing as that wasn't truly me all along.

35:00.992 --> 35:04.795
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I woke up to who I really am, I started to be honest with people.

35:05.336 --> 35:08.718
[SPEAKER_00]: I would meet someone new and they would be like, you know, how are you?

35:08.978 --> 35:10.899
[SPEAKER_00]: Or, you know, what's going on?

35:11.120 --> 35:13.942
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would be honest, I feel like this is what I'm moving through right now.

35:14.762 --> 35:26.648
[SPEAKER_00]: And that year on my birthday was probably about six months, seven months after I got divorced, I had the most incredible birthday of my entire life.

35:27.408 --> 35:38.133
[SPEAKER_00]: And that was because I was surrounded by 20 women who actually knew me, who actually saw me where I didn't have to perform.

35:44.198 --> 35:51.906
[SPEAKER_00]: how connected those people felt to me because I wasn't trying to be someone who I wasn't anymore and people could really relate to that.

35:52.447 --> 35:55.970
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'd say that's my number one experience during that time.

35:56.371 --> 36:01.316
[SPEAKER_00]: My number two experience I would say is breaking free from shame around

36:03.538 --> 36:07.100
[SPEAKER_00]: Something that my former partner would say to me is like, you know, it's really interesting.

36:07.120 --> 36:18.166
[SPEAKER_00]: You post these pictures of you online and you never get creepy comments from guys like you post these beautiful pictures of you, they're, you know, very sensual and you don't get creepy comments.

36:18.186 --> 36:21.868
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, that's because I'm not hosting it to get attention.

36:22.443 --> 36:27.864
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not posting it because I want someone to look at me a certain way.

36:28.084 --> 36:34.145
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm posting this because I feel empowered in my body and I want other women to feel empowered in their bodies too.

36:34.525 --> 36:36.686
[SPEAKER_00]: And people are going to have judgment around that.

36:37.066 --> 36:44.327
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure there's plenty of people who perceive it a certain way or unfollowed me or have their own triggers come up around it.

36:44.427 --> 36:49.408
[SPEAKER_00]: But ultimately, I feel the most free in the most alive when I am

36:50.468 --> 37:04.552
[SPEAKER_00]: owning that part of myself, when I'm not shaming it or when I'm not like, it doesn't isn't coming out in sneaky ways of trying to get attention, which is something that happened when I was younger because I didn't know how to embrace that part of myself.

37:04.672 --> 37:12.754
[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, online being visible in that way, but also just being in that energy in my life, in the way that I address

37:19.353 --> 37:20.214
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's the key.

37:20.635 --> 37:22.276
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, really, I truly do this.

37:22.296 --> 37:26.481
[SPEAKER_01]: Why I said, if you're not honest in one area, you can't be honest in all the areas.

37:27.102 --> 37:35.832
[SPEAKER_01]: And even the way you address, you know, it's funny because I can get on stage and wear a leather jacket or, you know, have a few fighters t-shirt on like I do right now.

37:36.152 --> 37:36.973
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, this is me.

37:37.854 --> 37:38.895
[SPEAKER_01]: that it's wild.

37:39.035 --> 37:40.336
[SPEAKER_01]: I will lose gigs.

37:40.456 --> 37:41.437
[SPEAKER_01]: I will lose opportunities.

37:41.457 --> 37:42.938
[SPEAKER_01]: People like you're covered in tattoos.

37:42.958 --> 37:43.959
[SPEAKER_01]: You have a gold nose ring.

37:43.979 --> 37:45.220
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I don't give a fuck.

37:45.701 --> 37:49.304
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm not going to not be me double negative for you.

37:49.924 --> 37:53.988
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's one of the things that you have to be able to step into.

37:54.448 --> 37:55.709
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's really scary, right?

37:55.770 --> 37:57.051
[SPEAKER_01]: And here's why it's scary.

37:57.171 --> 37:59.993
[SPEAKER_01]: And and I think about this all of the time.

38:01.274 --> 38:09.056
[SPEAKER_01]: You are always at the precipice of criticism whenever you are willing to put yourself out into the world.

38:09.716 --> 38:11.116
[SPEAKER_01]: It is unbelievable.

38:11.136 --> 38:23.499
[SPEAKER_01]: I have this folder in my phone called motivation and it is a screenshot of every negative thing anyone has ever said about me and what I do in this world and I just

38:26.180 --> 38:33.204
[SPEAKER_01]: I like that that energy, it's not positive energy, but it's energy that I can harness and go, okay, fuck you watch me.

38:34.065 --> 38:36.326
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I had a massive event.

38:36.366 --> 38:50.015
[SPEAKER_01]: I did a couple years called Unbroken Conference and we had 2,500 people up this event and I get tons of amazing experiences, but this one person emails me and they go, you're too ghetto to be teaching people about mental health.

38:50.555 --> 38:52.356
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, that's cool.

38:52.857 --> 38:54.077
[SPEAKER_01]: Have a great day, fucker.

38:54.177 --> 38:55.178
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't give a shit.

38:55.678 --> 39:02.022
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I realized is anytime that you want to be you, they're going to be people that don't like you.

39:02.502 --> 39:03.882
[SPEAKER_01]: They're going to be people that love you.

39:04.043 --> 39:06.544
[SPEAKER_01]: But most people aren't going to care about you either way.

39:07.104 --> 39:15.489
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's really interesting that the more that you own yourself, and you face this thing called empowerment, you're going to face criticism.

39:16.049 --> 39:23.573
[SPEAKER_01]: And criticism leads down the path of shame, whether you like it or not, that's the next direct dot that you're going to connect.

39:24.690 --> 39:28.873
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm curious, how do you embrace this notion of empowerment?

39:28.893 --> 39:46.466
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't necessarily mean in sensuality alone, but like across the board in one's life, how do you touch empowerment while facing the potential path of criticism that leads to shame and shame being the very reason why people don't be themselves to begin with?

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[SPEAKER_00]: I approach it through I guess you could say exposure therapy and this is why I really love group programs group trainings where you can be around other like minded people and practice these skills.

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[SPEAKER_00]: So for example, if I'm terrified to sing in public right and someone's like, oh, you should just go out there and

40:10.497 --> 40:26.609
[SPEAKER_00]: go sing or put a video online like every part of me is going to be like I can't do that I'm going to die right like this huge fear but if I go to a group of singers and maybe it's like a singing class where everyone's practicing you

40:28.328 --> 40:33.149
[SPEAKER_00]: get to sing and then you realize, oh, I sang and I didn't die.

40:33.589 --> 40:35.829
[SPEAKER_00]: Like your body's like, oh, I'm still okay.

40:36.449 --> 40:45.431
[SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe the next step is going to an open mic or, you know, recording in the recording studio or something where you're meeting your next edge.

40:45.831 --> 40:54.252
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think we do have to have exposure to I'm doing the thing that's scary in a space that feels relatively safe.

40:54.272 --> 40:57.073
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I can't be sure that no one's going to judge me, but I'm also not like

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[SPEAKER_00]: posting it on the internet right away and you start to develop this this confidence right and ultimately we're all human so I don't I personally don't think it's 100% possible to say that you don't care at all what other people think we all have an ego

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do you perceive yourself?

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[SPEAKER_00]: And what do you know to be true about yourself and how much do you love yourself and how much value do you believe that you have to offer?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Because when your inner game is strong and when you know how to come back to that place of safety and security and trust within yourself Then ultimately at the end of the day, yeah, what someone says might upset you it might feel

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[SPEAKER_00]: painful or disappointing, but it's not going to change how you show up in your life.

41:49.858 --> 41:52.741
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to stop you from being who you are.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's why the inner game is so important.

41:55.463 --> 42:01.869
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's not that it won't affect you, but it's not going to stop you from taking the actions you you want to take.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so how do you navigate the spaces where it just is not working?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right?

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[SPEAKER_01]: I think that so many people, they see this vision of self, they, they start doing the thing, they take a step back, maybe they missed that, maybe they fall back in the self sabotaging behavior, maybe they fucking destroy the relationship again, like whatever the thing is, and it's like, okay, cool, when, when.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When do you quit?

42:30.989 --> 42:32.830
[SPEAKER_01]: And when do you say, hey, you know what?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Get the fuck up.

42:33.831 --> 42:34.632
[SPEAKER_01]: What's going again?

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[SPEAKER_01]: Because I think that a big part of my experience is like, you're going to get kicked in the fucking teeth over and over and over again.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When you believe in something, when you're chasing something, when you're trying to be yourself.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I, in my experience, I have not yet come to a part where that stops.

42:56.493 --> 43:01.539
[SPEAKER_01]: And so I think for me, I am so, my greatest, I've said this before.

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[SPEAKER_01]: My greatest superpower and my greatest weakness is that I am un...

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[SPEAKER_01]: God least stubborn.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like when I make up my mind, it is done.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Nothing is stopping me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How are I water or bull in a China shop?

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's also one of the reasons why at times my life is fucking horrible.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so, but also it's like because I'm so driven like I'm not going to quit.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what do you give to people?

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you navigate this for yourself and for your clients when you're like, man, it is not working today and it's been a year of this.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what, what is the path forward?

43:36.228 --> 43:38.529
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say you're not a stubborn crazy person like me.

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you navigate the backslides of life?

43:43.678 --> 44:05.524
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, first I would look at the most successful people in the world doing what you actually want to do, and if you ask them the question about, you know, was it easy to get here every single one of them will say, I failed and I failed and I failed and I got rejected and I got rejected and I rejected and I still kept showing up, right, like anyone who's doing anything fucking great in the world, that is their journey, right, they weren't born like that.

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[SPEAKER_00]: so I like to just look for evidence and examples of other people who have been through the struggle and who kept with it and use that as motivation.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's so many incredible stories of people out there including yourself including me including so many incredible people who have continued to show up even when it's hard.

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[SPEAKER_00]: especially in business and relationships.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just like damn like again again again like there's so many choice that choice points where it's like yeah I could quit.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I could just live a normal life.

44:36.419 --> 44:45.782
[SPEAKER_00]: I could just give up, but what I heard recently and I heard this many times before, but I really like the way that it's framed is there's two different types of hard.

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[SPEAKER_00]: There's the hard of staying in your own shit while I'm in your shame.

44:52.744 --> 44:57.867
[SPEAKER_00]: Being upset with yourself because you fucked up again and telling yourself you're a loser and it's never going to happen.

44:59.288 --> 45:03.750
[SPEAKER_00]: And then there's also the heart of showing the fuck up and choosing the growth anyways.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're listening to this podcast, my guess is that you haven't given up yet and that you are choosing growth and that's just the reality, you know, it is a choice and I think we can come back to choice.

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[SPEAKER_00]: I ultimately think that's what it comes down to.

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[SPEAKER_01]: When, sometimes I think when people hear, oh, it's a choice, they feel disempowered because they're like, oh, yeah, is it a choice?

45:38.253 --> 45:39.774
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so easy for you to say.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, well, it kind of is like, it really kind of, like I know that your life is probably really fucking hard right now.

45:48.860 --> 46:08.187
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're you feel like you're getting kicked in the face and you feel like nothing is working and everything is falling apart and no matter what you try it just isn't happening and I I come back to this idea about three feet from gold you know and you're like you keep digging it could be right there you

46:09.767 --> 46:13.089
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not to me dismissive, but when shit's hard for me, I just go tomorrow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna work tomorrow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: We got closer today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It didn't happen today.

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[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna work tomorrow.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And that's part of the thing that keeps me holding on because it's hard.

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm smiling because I was that person.

46:25.798 --> 46:30.041
[SPEAKER_00]: When I was in the depth of my shit for years, I was like, they keep saying happiness is a choice.

46:30.081 --> 46:33.363
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if I could just choose happiness, I would fucking choose it.

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[SPEAKER_00]: But I can.

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[SPEAKER_00]: And

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[SPEAKER_00]: I remember being that person, so I just want to acknowledge anyone who's listening to this and who feels that way and who feels stuck and who feels hopeless or feels like okay this is great for these people to say but like this is where I'm at right now and to be honest I think that's part of the journey is getting sick of your own bullshit is like being in that place where it does feel really fucking hard and it creates that contrast of like I'm not willing to stay here

47:04.894 --> 47:18.653
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm done with this and it's not a done overnight but I do think sometimes we have to touch that hot stove multiple times before we realize like oh that's hot and I don't want to do that anymore and I think that's human nature to some extent.

47:19.843 --> 47:37.677
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I mean, I parlay that all day because I grew up with no choice at all, being homeless, being impoverished, learning disability, you know, all of the horrible shit I went through as a kid, I was like a clear lab, no choice what's happening in this life until one day I made a decision and I'm like, I'm in charge.

47:38.178 --> 47:39.979
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something real about that.

47:40.019 --> 47:47.365
[SPEAKER_01]: There's something so real, even though it's hard and it feels fraudulent at times, you're like, I'm in control

47:49.767 --> 48:06.880
[SPEAKER_01]: and it's it's such a mind-fuck because at one moment when it's working you're like I'm in control of everything and life is amazing and then when it's not working you're like I'm in control of everything and life is absolutely horrible and I cannot believe this is happening.

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[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

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[SPEAKER_01]: And so the frame, it's interesting.

48:10.223 --> 48:11.985
[SPEAKER_01]: I came up with this idea the other day.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure I heard this from someone.

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[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just stilling it without attributing it to them.

48:16.309 --> 48:21.614
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was thinking to myself, life is like standing inside of a house with billions of people.

48:22.094 --> 48:25.878
[SPEAKER_01]: You're all looking out the same window, but you're all seeing something different.

48:26.498 --> 48:33.646
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that that's the thing that becomes the differentiating factor for success is like, what are you focused on?

48:34.026 --> 48:35.447
[SPEAKER_01]: What are you really seeing?

48:37.409 --> 48:48.981
[SPEAKER_01]: One question I think is really important that I want to come into as we look at the world right now and everyone I think is confused about what success looks like for them.

48:49.742 --> 48:53.123
[SPEAKER_01]: You you started off and you painted this picture like I got it all.

48:53.543 --> 49:03.204
[SPEAKER_01]: I got the husband and the house and the marriage and love it like I got all the things and it just wasn't for me So how do you paint the picture of success today?

49:03.284 --> 49:05.425
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you know what that looks like?

49:05.485 --> 49:07.225
[SPEAKER_01]: How do you know if you're on the right path?

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[SPEAKER_01]: How do you know if you're actually living into being amy?

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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think for me it comes down to core values

49:18.101 --> 49:28.808
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's something that I'm not a lot of people spend much time exploring for themselves of like, what are the values that are most important to me that I pull without?

49:29.028 --> 49:40.175
[SPEAKER_00]: Or what are the values that I want to live my life by and I'll share some of my top values, authenticity, which is living true to myself, connection.

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[SPEAKER_00]: health, growth, freedom, and impact.

49:44.249 --> 49:55.954
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when I'm designing my life and when I'm making decisions, I am looking at my core values to see like are these decisions that I'm making in alignment with my values.

49:56.714 --> 50:06.218
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that values can change over time but I think that for the most part if we really look at the core of who we are,

50:12.072 --> 50:36.329
[SPEAKER_00]: that much like they might evolve right as we evolve but I think that's a really good starting point for people is like maybe families of value for you and so you are going to figure out a job that allows you to support your family or allows you to spend more time with your family you're going to live in a city where you live close to your family like those are examples of choices that you're going to make that are going to help you to live an alignment with who you are.

50:36.969 --> 50:39.471
[SPEAKER_00]: So I thought I think that's where I would start.

50:41.587 --> 50:42.969
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, the value, it's true.

50:43.209 --> 50:54.623
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that was the most transformative thing for me was tying into my values and defining them first and foremost and then on the backside of it, like fucking living it.

50:55.264 --> 50:59.048
[SPEAKER_01]: Like really, I think in so much of our conversation today has been about live it.

50:59.068 --> 51:01.131
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I dare you to go be you.

51:01.631 --> 51:09.155
[SPEAKER_01]: Like in the face of all the things that you're going to have to trudge through to stand in front of that mirror and whatever timeline it takes you to get to.

51:09.575 --> 51:13.577
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, is it going to be worth it for you to be like, I'm me?

51:13.737 --> 51:16.319
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what I think this whole thing is about.

51:16.759 --> 51:22.302
[SPEAKER_01]: I hope, and I wish upon people the success of self,

51:22.802 --> 51:33.948
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you're scared and you don't take the risks and you don't build the process of doing the micro things on the daily basis, like this is just mental masturbation and you should stop listening.

51:34.428 --> 51:42.833
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to have success, but it's not going to come if you don't do the work with that said, this has been just a great conversation, and I appreciate it so much.

51:43.253 --> 51:51.998
[SPEAKER_01]: I want people to be able to learn about you, to connect with you, to do whatever it is that they can do with you, where can everyone find out more about you?

51:53.451 --> 52:03.617
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, thank you so much for this conversation and I think following up on the piece that you just shared earlier about like how do people show up even when they feel hopeless?

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[SPEAKER_00]: How do they show up even when they're having a hard day?

52:06.419 --> 52:09.241
[SPEAKER_00]: And my answer to that also is like you don't do it alone.

52:09.721 --> 52:10.561
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't do it alone.

52:10.761 --> 52:11.762
[SPEAKER_00]: Michael didn't do it alone.

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[SPEAKER_00]: You surround yourself with good people.

52:14.003 --> 52:15.744
[SPEAKER_00]: You surround yourself with mentorship.

52:16.105 --> 52:17.385
[SPEAKER_00]: You invest in yourself.

52:18.746 --> 52:23.331
[SPEAKER_00]: your ecosystem, the people that you surround yourself by is a reflection.

52:23.392 --> 52:26.735
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like a mirror of who you are who you're becoming, right?

52:26.816 --> 52:32.542
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like surround yourself with people who mirror back to the version of you that you want to become.

52:33.103 --> 52:37.308
[SPEAKER_00]: So put yourself in rooms with people who have big dreams and big goals and

52:37.842 --> 52:43.923
[SPEAKER_00]: maybe people who are further along than you to have that reference point and not support and that encouragement.

52:44.043 --> 52:47.244
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're not meant to do it alone, I don't think we're meant to do it alone.

52:47.964 --> 53:01.207
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's, you know, something that I believe in, whether they come into my world in mentorship or your world or wherever it is, but like, I think there's something really true to be said about the environment and the people that we surround ourselves by.

53:01.367 --> 53:01.567
[SPEAKER_00]: So,

53:02.307 --> 53:07.491
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, with that said, there's a few ways that you can come into my ecosystem into my world.

53:07.571 --> 53:12.936
[SPEAKER_00]: The first one is the feminine frequency podcast and Michael's going to be a guest on the podcast too.

53:12.976 --> 53:16.999
[SPEAKER_00]: So make sure to look out for his episodes of feminine frequency.

53:17.019 --> 53:19.161
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find it on iTunes or Spotify.

53:19.181 --> 53:20.622
[SPEAKER_00]: I also host

53:22.403 --> 53:27.687
[SPEAKER_00]: A retreat once a year in Costa Rica, and a retreat once a year in North Carolina.

53:27.767 --> 53:31.990
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're interested in in person experiences with communities, those are great options.

53:32.010 --> 53:39.595
[SPEAKER_00]: You can find that on my website, Amynathalieco.com, and then lastly, I work one on one with clients and in group mentorship.

53:39.735 --> 53:44.679
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can find all of that on my website or in my Instagram, which is Amynathalieco.

53:46.470 --> 53:46.691
[SPEAKER_01]: Great.

53:46.931 --> 53:51.881
[SPEAKER_01]: And guys, obviously check out Think Unbroken Podcasts.com with that and more in the show notes.

53:53.043 --> 53:54.446
[SPEAKER_01]: My last question for you, my friend.

53:55.027 --> 53:57.271
[SPEAKER_01]: What does it mean to you to be unbroken?

53:59.669 --> 54:19.079
[SPEAKER_00]: To me, it means to be able to hold the full human experience, to hold the whole fucking range, to be able to go into the grief, to the sadness, to the happiness, to the joy, to the bliss, and to be willing to meet yourself in all of those places, because life is going to be hard.

54:19.159 --> 54:27.143
[SPEAKER_00]: There's going to be times where it feels tough, and if you can learn to ride the waves of your emotions and to come back to your center faster,

54:28.458 --> 54:29.400
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to be on broken.

54:29.440 --> 54:31.204
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to keep moving forward in the right direction.

54:33.189 --> 54:33.911
[SPEAKER_01]: We only said.

54:34.347 --> 54:35.808
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for being here.

54:36.169 --> 54:38.631
[SPEAKER_01]: Unbrokenation, thank you guys so much for listening.

54:39.051 --> 54:49.580
[SPEAKER_01]: As usual, if today's episode brought any value to your life, if you feel like, hey, I feel more courageous, I feel more strong, I feel more empowered and more embodied, share this with someone.

54:49.760 --> 54:56.906
[SPEAKER_01]: Someone in your life needs today's conversation, and you could be the catalyst for them creating a massive shift in their experience.

54:57.367 --> 55:02.351
[SPEAKER_01]: That said, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and until next time my friends.

55:02.914 --> 55:05.185
[SPEAKER_00]: Be Unbroken, I'll see ya.