Feb. 24, 2022

E220: Giving Yourself Permission to be Successful | Trauma Healing Coach

In this episode, I discuss how and why you have to give yourself permission to be successful. I did this keynote talk at a 10x conference Bootcamp. Many of us have been through childhood trauma and fear, but how will committing change your life...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e220-giving-yourself-permission-to-be-successful-trauma-healing-coach/#show-notes


In this episode, I discuss how and why you have to give yourself permission to be successful. I did this keynote talk at a 10x conference Bootcamp.

Many of us have been through childhood trauma and fear, but how will committing change your life forever? How will being first change your life forever?

Guys, this is so important, and keep this in mind that you have to have massive clarity about the person you want to be.

Listen and get focused as I share this with you.
You got to commit.
You got to be willing to be Unbroken.

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Transcript

So, I'm super excited to be here with you guys.

First and foremost, you know, I think about this all the time.

The people who are going to be successful in life are the people who are in rooms like this right now, it's Sunday, it's nice out, you all could be having fucking brunch doing, literally anything else on planet Earth and you're here and that's that matters like that's so important.

I think people don't understand how important the commitment that you choose to make to yourself is first and foremost. And so it's a small room, I don't know you guys I'm going to introduce myself, my name is Michael Unbroken, I'm an author, speaker and Coach, I actually work with adult survivors of childhood trauma, and my story is pretty crazy.

So I'll get into that and then I'm going to talk to you about how important a hello is…

How one ‘hello’ will change your life forever.

How committing will change your life forever?

How being first, will change your life forever?

And the truth about it is I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be dead or in jail, I promise you. You got to commit to your life, I'm still alive, I'm still like that's the thing, everybody's always fucking waiting for tomorrow. Tomorrow is not coming, it's not a promise guys, like take advantage of the time you have today because one day you're not going to get tomorrow. And my biggest fear is I'm gonna wake up on my deathbed and just have that last little moment that gasp right before, it's all over and I'm going to go regret, that's a life unlived, right? How are you serving yourself, your community, your family, your friends, the people in your life, right? If you're not showing up every single day, you're wasting time.

And so I'll tell you a little bit about my story.

I grew up in Indianapolis grew up in America, you see my mother, she was a drug addict and alcoholic, she actually cut off my right index finger, when I was only 4 years old, that's baseline. People are go, how could your mom do that? Well, my mom was perpetrating continuation of abuse, hurt people, hurt people, you guys heard this, right? Healed people, healed people, who has heard that? Raise your hand, if you've heard that before, right? That's what it's about, like, you have to think about what we come from, we are a product of our environment.

My stepfather super abusive, the kind of guy kick the shit out of me in the middle of the night put me in the hospital, spent the majority of my childhood homeless and deeply in poverty. In fact, I live with thirty different families from 8 to 12 years old, I got high for the first time when I was twelve drunk at 13 and by 15 I was expelled from school for selling drugs. It's running from the cops, getting shot at, hurting people, breaking into houses, I would steal your shit, take it to the pawn shop and wait for you to buy it back, so I can still again.

And the truth about it was, I was just doing what I thought you were supposed to do I didn't know anything different, I didn't know better, I was a product of my environment, I was doing exactly what everybody told me I was going to do and luckily I got put into a last chance program. Still didn't graduate high school on time and so I walk up, I'm at school, walk up to the teacher's class, second floor left corner, Mr. Bush, the only dude in my life who ever believed in me. So my girlfriend calls me that morning, I'm stoned, I'm playing video games and she's like – you're not graduating and I was like, damn, I knew this was gonna happen, it's not drive to school, I get there, go up to Mr. Bush's class. I'm 18 years old, so I have an intimidating president, one of that tattoo back then, but go up to and go, how dare you fail me? Just being this honoree eighteen-year-old, you guys know how you were at 18, your fucking monsters and he goes, I didn't fail you, you failed yourself he said. What you need to understand about life is you can't get by and your charms on your good looks, if you want something, you gotta earn it, that changed my life forever. He's the only person of that moment that ever believed in me and I'm sitting here, I have to go to summer school. Think about this summer school, your 18, your kids are going out having fun party and all the party’s graduations, everyone invited me from everything. I was the black sheep, there was a thing called the Harris pulls that did a study called dropout factories the worst high schools in America, the year, I graduated my school is on that list. It was almost impossible not to graduate from this high school and somehow I figured it out and somehow I figured out always committed to what I wanted to do in my life and at that point it was nothing. And so I found myself at summer school in this weird juxtaposition happened where the teacher was like, we're just gonna pass you. We are so tired of you, good luck. And I'm like, wait a second, this dude just told me I got to go to fucking summer school and you're telling me you're just going to let me through.

So, I go to summer school, and sitting there and gives me the diploma, they literally hand it to me, right? Get the fuck out of here, and I'm trying to figure out life like what do you do now? What do you do? You come from nothing? You have no background. You have no education. The only thing I knew was selling drugs breaking in houses and stealing cars. I thought to myself, I want to make a hundred thousand dollars a year legally. Now, that legal part was super important, I got family in prison for life today, got friends who are in prison for life today and as of today, my three childhood best friends been murdered. I knew the path I was on, it was clear that I knew was going to happen and I said, let me figure this out.

So I thought to myself, what can I do? I went in and got a job at a fast food restaurant, became a general manager in training at 18 years old, started learning how to hire people and fire people and manage inventory, shrink lost all of those things that 52 people under me. As a baby, could you imagine 18-year-old me 52 people trying to tell these people, what to do most of them are older than me, so I'm making every mistake you can imagine. And one day my homie were on MySpace, I'll age myself a little bit. This is sick and he's like, yo, I just got a Tahoe, I was like, how the fuck did you get a Tahoe? This dude went to my high school, he grew up in my hood, we did the same things together and I was like, what are you doing? Thinking, he's like, I got a job with an insurance company, I was like, damn, I didn't know you could do that, you can do that? The only thing that I knew was Buy Here, Pay Here unemployment offices and repo, that's it. I didn't know anything else and I was like, that's my key to a hundred thousand dollars a year.

And so I started writing resumes every single day, making cover letters, interviewing, sending out all this to every insurance company that I could find in about a year and a half later as I'm heading into 21 I get a job with a fortune 10 company guys, no high school diploma, no college education because I was committed and I said, I'm going to do this, no matter what, I got super pointed, like you have to understand commitment is everything because all these motherfuckers going to tell you what you can't do, there's always going to be people in life telling you what you can't do. Oh, you're a product of this environment. You look like that. You sound like this. Fuck that.

Do what you want because I promise you, if you don't you're going to die with regret.

So, I land this job right before my 21st birthday, I cash my first check for 10,000 dollars, you guys you want to know what I do with that money? You want to know? I went to the mall and I spent ten thousand dollars in about two and a half hours, I still have the watch that I bought that day, I don't wear it all the time, it's cracked, it's been there's some wars, but it sits there on my desk as a reminder of what I did. And then that thing happened to me that happens to people who get money for the first time and it destroyed my life and I found myself heading in 26 years old, I was 350 pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep, cheating on my girlfriend, lying to everyone I knew and that's when I put a gun in my mouth, I was done. I was like money was supposed to solve these problems, they don't and it didn't.

And the next day, I'm lying in bed, it's 11:00 in the morning, I'm smoking a joint, keep in mind, I'm 350 pounds, I'm eating chocolate cake and watching the CrossFit games, like, if that ain't rock bottom, I don't know what it is, and I got up and I went into the bathroom never understand, why? But I looked at myself in the mirror and I remember being 8 years old, and the water company they came, they turned our water off again, blistering hot August Indiana summer day, they were always turning off our water, turning off our heat, we were getting evicted, it was just normal, but this day for some reason my mother begged that guy and he was just doing his job. Sir, please I got four kids in the house, don't turn off the water, but he did, I get it, he was doing his job. So I went in the backyard and I got this little blue bucket and I walked across the street to my neighbor's house and I turned on the spicket, on the side of their house and for the first time in my life, I stole water and I remember being like when I'm a grown-up this isn't going to be my life.

Now financially it wasn't I had an 80-thousand-dollar car, I had Sean John Stewart's, I was covered in J's, like I have that, but I was still that hurt lost a little boy. I hadn't done any of the work, I hadn't yet become the man I was capable of being because I was terrified of success.

Think about this, some of you guys right now, you're right here, you're at this threshold, you got everything you want, except the thing that you want cuz you're scared of it, you got to own that shit. And as I looked in the mirror I ask myself and I'll never understand why, I said what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And the answer was No excuses, Just results. And that meant I was tired of putting up with my own bullshit that meant it was time to take accountability for my life, that meant that it was time to be the hero of my own story. You see what's really fascinating about this is that in that moment, it meant that I had to do the thing that I knew I had to do.

We all know that thing we're supposed to be doing that we're not doing, that block right in front of us where we're like not school tomorrow and I stopped having tomorrow's and I stop negotiating with myself. Some of y'all are negotiating with yourself, you're giving yourself permission to fail, it's the most dangerous thing that you'll ever do, because every single day that you say, tomorrow is one day closer to death. If you change your relationship with time and death, you'll change the way you operate in the world.

And so I started doing all the things I started going to the gym, I started eating right, I quit smoking, I quit lying, I decided to figure out my values, honesty, kindness, leadership, self-actualization, and no excuses.

I know who I am every single day, every moment of the day, you have to have massive clarity about the person that you want to be, the business you want to run, the impact you want to have on your community, your neighbors, your friends, your family, your kids. And then I started going to therapy and I got serious about that shit because I used to go to this, dude pay him hundreds of dollars a week, I just tell him whatever I thought he needed to hear. I got serious about coaching, I got a coach. I started learning, I deep in the personal development, I'm the same dude, that wouldn't spend five dollars on a book who just spent 100,000 last years on personal development and I have a theory, I don't know that this is true, but I want to plant the seed in your head… for every thousand dollars you spend on yourself you'll make a hundred in your lifetime. I don't know if that's true or not, just something I came up with one night.

And so I started doing all the work, doing all the things, showing up for myself, asking myself who I wanted to be and one day as I'm laying in bed, six years ago, stray o'clock in the morning. I just broken up with somebody and I'm not a guy who yells one of my rules, boundaries, you ain't allowed to yell at me, jealousy, and like the truth is like the reality is that this person after we broke up they hadn't yet, done the work and they said you're broken and I was like, damn man, I've heard that so many times in my life.

When I was a little home with kid, you're broken.

When I was the kid who didn't graduate, your broken.

When I was that guy 350-pound, smoking two packs a day, you're broken. And I'm laying in bed, I'm like, man, that just don't feel right, that's not who I am, that's not how I am, that's not what I believe, that's not what I think. And like that lightbulb, God struck me Universe, I don't care whatever the fuck you want to call it and that set me on this trajectory to help hundreds of thousands of people around the world, to have a top 100 podcast, just be a number one best-selling author, again I don't have a high school diploma or a college education, to win investment of 10000 dollars from Grant Cardone, speaking in front of 10,000 people. I know some of you guys in this room, saw me do that.

And the truth about that is tell you a secret, I already knew I was going to win that shit, I knew before it even happened, that I was gonna win, that was growth come last year. And I'll tell you something, literally, one year ago I had no idea who Grant Cardone was, never even heard that name Grant, I don't know this guy's got a Rolls-Royce or something, what's he doing?

And still, I've always been in digital marketing and advertising my background 15 years of this, as an entrepreneur, the number one thing you guys need to know is how to market. I know these guys have been telling you about this this weekend, but they are right, and if you're not paying attention, pay attention, the number one thing you need to do is know how to tell your story, share your experience, what is it that you want to portray to the world so people understand what the hell you're selling them. Because look at the end of the day, you're always selling yourself. Period. You're selling yourself to your partner, to your employees, to your team, to your kids, to ever always selling yourself, but if you don't know what the hell, you're selling ain't nobody going to buy it.

And so I'm sitting at home one day doing some funnel hacking, if you don't know what that is, I'm looking at other people’s websites to see what it is that they're doing so I can see if I can implement that into the business. How do I 10x my business? How do I grow my business? How to make more revenue? How do I scale my team? How do I hire more people? I got a fucking money, you cannot do that if you are poor. And so I'm sitting here, I'm like, alright cool. I know Russell Brunson, he's my dude, I know all these guys, I'm deep into it and one day because that is good at marketing because what they don't know you they can't what. And so I'm like cool, what's this guy doing? He's got this 10x book. I'm like, never heard of it, whatever, I just want to see what you're doing. Let me see your newsletters, let me see your back and let me see your follow-up, let me understand your copy, let me understand your headlines, let me just see everything that you're doing because if you're hitting me on marketing, as someone who's been doing marketing for 15 years there's probably something here.

So what are the book? I look at the funnel, I got icing this shit a million times but comes in sit on my desk, I'm looking at him like, man, read this book. Just something in me, you know that moment, you got that feeling, it's like that read this book. So that night, I pick it up, I start reading it. Something never happened in my whole life happen then I fell asleep reading this book, it's never happened before. And the next morning, I woke up, I was like I got to see if this is on audio, great, I’m listen into, I literally cleared my schedule to listen to the book because it was so impactful and that night I'm lying in bed again, I'm like does this guy do anything? Does he like teach people? Does he have like Vince? Like, who is this Grant Cardone guy, I'm really curious? Now he got me. He's talking in ways I never heard anybody talk, but ways I thought about all the time. And so I'm looking up, he has this thing called Growth Con. Am I, okay cool, probably just another marketing conference, whatever. Bet, I'll go, probably worth it, I'm curious about this. Did I want to investigate it? I see, there's something here in serendipity in synchronicity like, let's see what happens. Growth con eight days away, I got a packed schedule, I've got to call my assistant and clear thirty meetings, buy a plane ticket that and this was like COVID, that plane ticket was like fucking 1,500 bucks because they weren't flying nobody. And I said, I got to get in that room, something tells me to get in that room, I got to get in Miami kind of go there, just do it.

See, a lot of you guys are ignoring, listening to your intentions, your intuition, your heart, get the fuck out of here. If you're up in your head and you're weighing back and forth and you're putting spreadsheets together about what you need to do in life, you already lost.

Your brain has one purpose.

As anybody know what that is?

Survival, my friend, protection, absolutely, survival.

Your brain does not give a fuck about your dreams.

Your brain does not care about your goals.

Your brain does not care about the clothes you're wearing today.

I promise you, your brain does not care.

And the moment that you're faced with doing something that could change your life forever, your brain wants to get in the way, why? Because growing up every time you tried to do that thing, you need to do, there was some kind of ramification, there was some kind of suffering, there was some kind of thing that happened that interrupted who you thought you were capable of being and what that looks like, is you're in third grade, you're in Miss Smith's, Clash or coloring you decide to color the moon purple and Miss Smith walks up to you and she goes, that's not how you color the moon and the whole classroom here is you and you get embarrassed, and you get ostracized and because it's learned behavior and it's an autonomic response to stimulus your brain goes, shit, I don't want to do that again, that was scary. And so you learn to stop showing up for yourself, you turn yourself off, you stop being you. And look, there's a period of time that that serves you because it keeps you safe and youth and childhood and so you're 5,7, 15,18 years old and it makes sense you're going to bend to be what people need you to be, why? Because it's safety.

And then your thirty to forty-five, seventy-six years old, you don't know how to say yes or say no. You don't know how to be you, you don't know your interests, your wants, your needs, your boundaries, your values who it is that you are as a person, your mission, your motto, the thing that you're willing to die for because every fucking time you tried to be you, you weren't allowed to. And so now you're weighing all the decisions about what your life could be against all the experiences that you had in the past.

Now look, it's fair your past, informs who you are, there's no doubt about that. None of you guys would be you without the experiences that you've had and so knowing that in looking at that, the thing that you have to do in this moment is decide who you want to be.

Make a decision about your future.

Make a decision about the person that you want to be.

The past is the past; you can't change it.

There ain't no time machines, least I haven't found one yet because I promise, if I did, I'd be much richer because I like the lottery. And so the truth about it is looking at your life and saying, what do I need today to commit, to show up, to be the person that I need to be?

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is put my feet on the fucking ground and I say, I am in control of my life, I am in control of my life. Why? Because you are. You've been led to believe that you're not society says you're not, you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough that's all bullshit, the same way that when you're in third grade, you got to raise your hand, to go to the bathroom, I ain't raising my hand going on fucking bathroom, I'm going, I'm taking agency over my life, think about that to.

Every single day you get in your car you go somewhere, the chance of death is so incredibly high like it's not even calculable and yet, you do it anyway, why? That fear death ain't going to stop you from going towards your goal but investing in yourself showing up for your community, being involved in your business, leading through this terrifies you, that's learned behavior, that's okay. You can let that go, you can move forward.

Some sitting here, buying this incredibly expensive ticket, looking at this and going, man, fuck, I might as well commit to everything else I do, let's see what happens and I get there. I'm in Miami, I'm a growth con, I'm sitting there.

Day one, kind of go through the thing and I'm like, oh shit, this is crazy, is like fire dancers, a big old screens, I can't bring my laptop in like, you know, that whole nine and I'm sitting there and I'm like, this is fantastic, this isn't a marketing conference, this is an entrepreneurial conference, this is a place where people go to find their dreams, to leverage their future, to do the thing they said they were going to do and I was super inspired, I'm sitting there. So lunch break, I'm just taking it in, just take it and there's this guy standing behind me with his beautiful wife and I got, hey, what's up, man? How are you? Because I'm great, I'm Russ. Got hello, Russ. Russ and I have this little back-and-forth; we have this conversation.

Well the next day we're sitting there and I'm the big screen, the big old Jumbotron, they're talking about, you have the opportunity to win ten-thousand-dollar investment from Grant Cardone into your business and here's the guy who did it last year and who is on the screen, none other than my homie, my brother, my mentor, my friend, Russ Yeager. I got goosebumps right now, I love that too. And Russ is up there, pitching has business at growth con the year before.

So anyway, they go, well, if you want to have the opportunity to pitch your business, get involved in this program, spend this money, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, all right, whatever, let's do it. Let's go. Let's see what happens or worst case I'll learn some shit; I'll lose a little bit of money. Fine, whatever won't be the first time. So a minute a couple weeks go by, hey submit your video, we're going to choose 10 people, we choose 10 people. Let me tell you this. There is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing nothing in business, more important than knowing your brand story more than anyone else. If you don't know your brand story in and out and you cannot say it to me in a sentence, you have no idea what you're doing and you need to pause and get massive clarity about what it is that you're doing.

Think Unbroken’s mission is one thing with massive clarity, to end generational trauma in my lifetime through education and information so another child doesn't have to have a story like I just told you. Does it sound like I know what I'm talking about? Like, I have Clarity. Some of your like, um, we help people. Clarity. You must be so incredibly concise and clear about what you do because sometimes you only get two minutes and so I find out I, made it into the top 10. I already knew if I made it in the top 10, I won, I already decided. Look, there's a fine line between ego and confidence and I fucking border that every single day. Let me tell you this, you have got to believe in yourself more than anyone else because if you don't believe in yourself who will? You're waiting for other people. There ain't no Disney moment and ain't nobody coming to rescue you and ain't nobody going to give you your dreams and no one's going to give you that thing that changes your life forever, but you.

So I'm sitting in the green room before we go on and this woman goes, good luck guys, but I already won and I was like, you have no idea what the fuck's about to happen. And we all come on stage and Grant being Grant, it comes on stage and we have five minutes, we have five minutes to pitch our business five minutes. We've been rehearsing all day, all week, I've been rehearsing all my life. Five minutes to speak in front of 10,000, people to an investment from Grant Cardone.

Grant Cardone don't give people money and he comes on stage very Grant Cardone manner with a swag carries that stage, right? And he looks over at Jared because how long do they got Jarrod goes? Well, that five minutes and Grant his own, no, they don't and you could just see, everyone's face shift up on the panel. They have had this plan for months and months and months and you see Jarrod, go nowhere at and Grant has no, no, you don't get five minutes, you didn't get 30 seconds, sometimes you don't get an elevator and Jarrod like fuck, no, please don't do this we've been planning this and Grant goes, we're giving you guys two minutes.

So, imagine this, you got this group of 10 people, working on their business, working on their clarity, working on their pitch, working on their conversation, working on their marketing, their dream, everything, they think they got five minutes, nope, you get to. And Grant does, what Grant does? He goes, who wants to go first? I raised my hand faster than humanly possible, I ripped my shoulder out of the socket, I had to go get a sling for a week. Let me teach you something so important that will change your life and your business forever right now.

Always be first, always be first and always being first means committing to your dream at all times and saying, no matter what I'm showing up today, always be first because what happened after? And I know there's some people in this room who saw me do this. I walked on that stage and I crushed it, I destroyed it, why? Because I already decided I had win. I would win. I already done the practice. I had committed. I'd done that speech in my head 5,000 times, I'd put myself in a position to be successful.

You must put yourself in a position to be successful.

Nobody's going to hand it to you and look the fucked up part is it's right here, it's right here, but you got to be willing to do this and take it because if you don't, it's just going to stay right here and ain't nothing going to change. And after you could just see the unpreparedness in those at fault and look, those people are my friends, let me be very clear. I love many of those people dearly, some of them have helped me change my life, but they weren't ready. You don't have to get ready if you're always ready. And the truth about it is every single one of him, you just watched it was this roller coaster drop, they weren't ready. And it's not that they didn't pivot and try their best because they did and I love them to death, but I had already decided that I was going to win. You must decide what your future is, because guys, ain't nobody going to hand it to you.

So as they come on stage, they go. Congratulations, Michael Unbroken, you've won this investment. Awesome! But I already knew, I didn't even want to celebrate, I was ready for the next thing and Grant told me something important, I'll share with you guys.

Take your flowers. Take your flowers and what that means is in that moment where you accomplish the thing that you were trying to do. Take a moment, pause have appreciation for yourself, have some love for yourself, some admiration for yourself because you earned it.

And sit in that for a moment and believe in that, and give yourself that hug internally, that says this is mine and I did the thing I needed to do today. I committed, I showed up, I follow through, I am. Because those moments when they're you can leverage those in the future because this shit's gonna get harder before it gets easier, I promise, especially if you're trying to be an entrepreneur. Fifteen years of doing this in my life, I can tell you this, tomorrow is going to be harder than today was, but the reality is think about this, next time you're at the event, next time, you're at the show, next time, you're feeling introverted, I'm a fucking introvert, I'm not gonna lie, I introvert, I love being by myself.

Think about this, hello can change your life forever but you gotta believe in yourself.

You got to commit.

You got to be willing to be Unbroken.

My friends.

Thank you.

Michael Unbroken Profile Photo

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.