Nov. 26, 2021

E145: Freedom | Trauma Healing Podcast

In this episode, it's another dive into my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma. I will give you a chapter of the book that was super meaningful that will create massive value in your life on your healing journey. I share...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e145-freedom-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


In this episode, it's another dive into my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma. I will give you a chapter of the book that was super meaningful that will create massive value in your life on your healing journey. I share with you the “Freedom.

Giving yourself the freedom to be uncomfortable is the sister of self-love. So, you get to look at this entire experience from understanding that now you have a choice to make, and it has within those thoughts and those actions that you will step through the vortex and into freedom.

What is truly holding you back from becoming the person that you want to be? Are you ready to unlock freedom from the vortex?

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Transcript

FREEDOM

You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging Brené Brown

Freedom is about letting go and being open to the possibility of what?

You have to figure that out. What is truly holding you back from becoming the person that you want to be? Is it being too afraid to look in the mirror? Is it a job that you hate or a spouse that doesn't support the journey you are heading on? Or are you too scared to be who you are?

If you take a moment and search deep within you will discover that you know what it is that you need to do.

Your GPS is always pointing in the right direction. You just need to shut the hell up and listen, then you need to act. We tend to find comfort in the familiar even when that familiar is volatile or harmful to us. Have you ever been in a violent relationship or emotionally abusive friendship that felt similar to your childhood experiences? Did you stay involved in those relationships because it felt like you had to?

There is a reason that we are drawn to the kind of human beings and scenarios that hurt us, it's our foundation. Familiarity in these scenarios is due to the comfort that comes along with our abuse. This is not that different from Stockholm syndrome in which people fall in love with their kidnappers, or send money, and love letters to their abusers, who are in prison.

Giving yourself the freedom to be uncomfortable is the sister of self-love. Letting go of your expectations of being uncomfortable may mean removing yourself from a certain situation or moving into one that you have been scared of approaching.

Freedom is on the other side of discomfort and freedom is only possible by opening up to new possibilities.

Freedom is only available in the present moment, being present and not looking towards what is coming around the bend or what happened yesterday or 10 years ago, takes practice.

Becoming present can happen in a multitude of ways including practicing yoga, breathing, limiting screen time, journaling, meditation, or taking a walk. These are some activities that may help you access being present. Whenever you find yourself consumed with thoughts or voices outside, the present moment you are in the vortex. Whenever you find yourself in the present moment and not consumed by a myriad of dark thoughts and ideas, you are free of the Vortex. It's not that you should steer away from thoughts outside of this moment but instead, you should acknowledge them and come back to being present. Being in the vortex will trap you and keep you from truly experiencing freedom.

 

Here is a list of thoughts that will occur when the vortex wants to take your freedom.

  • People will think I'm crazy if I see a therapist, so why bother?
  • I may as well have another slice of cake I can start that diet tomorrow.
  • It's my partner's fault that I am overweight.
  • My abuse isn't affecting my life everyone parties like that.
  • I like to smoke it helps calm my nerves.
  • I'm alone and no one likes me, so why should I go to that dinner party?
  • And who gives a fuck if I kill myself no one will miss me.

Can you see what happens when you are limited by the fonts of your past? The vortex, once you to justify your poor decisions and actions because when you do, you stay in the darkness. The Vortex feeds on self-sabotage and loathing, isn't it funny how the vortex can also look and feel just like shame?

Here is a list of thoughts that will occur when you are open to the possibility of Freedom from The Vortex.

  • Seeing a therapist will lead me to a better understanding of myself.
  • I won't eat this cake until I earn it, I will earn it through hard work at the gym and it will be a reward for holding myself accountable.
  • I owe it to myself to get healthy and in shape.
  • I want a future without pain and suffering and I deserve to have that experience.
  • If I work on, understanding my abuse I may not use partying as an escape from the pain but instead, I'll find more constructive ways to cope.
  • I will quit smoking because I know it's a form of self-harm.
  • And I deserve to love myself, entirely without hurting myself.
  • I will go to the dinner party because the people there are my friends, I should be able to enjoy my life with people who value me and want me around.
  • My life is worth living because I bring value to the world and the people closest to me, love me and I love them and I love myself.

The best advice that I can give you about tapping into freedom is to admit that you need to own the shit that is keeping you stuck. Look, you know that smoking is bad for you, eating cake every day is unhealthy, being with a partner that screams at you as unsafe, working at a job that makes you cry is not worth it, and drinking so you sleep at night as an escape through ownership and the discipline to stay the course freedom will become evident.

BECOMING UNBROKEN, UNLOCKING FREEDOM FROM THE VORTEX

By simply being open to possibility, we can tap into positivity if the vortex is negativity then freedom is everything else.

In this exercise, write the thoughts and actions that are keeping you in the vortex, and then write what giving yourself Freedom from The Vortex would look like.

I love this exercise so much because in it we start to create this understanding of what we're trying truly responsible for. And I recognize that some of this is wrapping our head around the narrative that we have and I've talked about it before but to really put yourself in a position to be successful, you have to not only change the self-narrative that you have but you also have to create action around change.

And so when you think about ownership, it's about accountability, it's about showing up for yourself, it's about doing the work to get to the place that you want to be because you know, that it's not going to happen overnight and no one is coming to save you but the thing about the vortex is when you are in it, it's so hard to see the other side because all, you know, and all you have experienced until this moment is feeling like the world is against you.

That is not true and think about this just the fact that you're listening to this book right now is a huge step forward. There's always going to be something in your way, we've talked about boundaries and roadblocks, but do they have to be self-imposed.

Can you put yourself in a position to be successful by acknowledging that you have to step through what this is? No one else can do that for you and in acknowledgment, comes freedom, because you get to look at this entire experience from understanding that now you have a choice to make and it has within those thoughts and those actions that you will step through the vortex and into freedom.

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.