July 19, 2022

E366: Finding your WHY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE | Trauma and Mental Health Podcast

Finding your why is often the most significant difference in the healing journey because when you have a reason to keep moving forward you will always find success...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e366-finding-your-why-will-change-your-life-trauma-and-mental-health-podcast/#show-notes


Finding your why is often the most significant difference in the healing journey because when you have a reason to keep moving forward you will always find success.

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Transcript

You're gonna hear me talk about this a lot as we go through this coaching course and through these sessions and through the live and the one-on-one and the exercises and everything that we do, and that is understanding why you are here.

You know, I think one of the things that happens is we often sign up for these courses, we do one or two days, we do a week, sometimes we pay a hundred bucks, sometimes we pay a hundred thousand, right? We put ourselves in these positions to be successful, but we don't follow through.

Do you know why people don't follow through? Because they haven't identified why they're doing the work, right? Because I want you to think about this…

At your job, at the place where you work and your career and your business, if you're an entrepreneur, whatever it is, your why is tied to your paycheck, to your livelihood, to supporting your family, to supporting yourself, things of that nature. And there's that intrinsic thing that we do in which we rationalize the idea that the hours that we put in equals this output, which helps us have sustainability, right? Money for food, money for gas, money for this money, for that money, money, money. Right? It it's really kind of what it is when it comes to work. We sit down and we go, why do I need to work because I need money. Well easy. Right. Well, why are you here? Why are you in this room right now? Why are you in coaching? Why are you doing the hardest thing that you may ever do in your life and learning what's to come? Like, why are you doing that?

And I think about this and it might help you if I give you a little bit of my experiences and identifying why in a way that became not only practical, but it became a cornerstone. And I don't mean why as, why I coach because ultimately my wife for coaching is really simple. I want to end generational trauma. It's that simple. How do you do that? This coaching, helping people creating a trickle-down effect, ending the cycle but in the beginning, my WHY was very simple. I looked at my life and I said to myself, man, you're really fucked up right now, you're in a dark place, there's some really awful things happening. You're not taking care of yourself, your body, your people, your relationships, your community, and you're destroying everything in your path. And I didn't understand at the time that it was very much because of the traumatic experiences that I had.

And so, as I got into the journey of healing, I was reading the books. I was going to the conferences; I was going to therapy, I was going to NA and SA and all the A's, you know, doing the entirety of this trauma healing journey. And then it struck me one day as I was deep into this, and this was probably call it six years ago, maybe five years ago, I was in this position where I was looking at my life and I was thinking to myself, all right, you've been doing this for four or five years now, you're going and doing all the things, you spend all your money on trying to heal. You're going just like in it, in it, in it. But why? What are you doing this for? And that's the question that I want to ask you. And it's the question that you need to ask yourself.

What are you doing this for? Why are you doing this?

And for me, what happened in that moment of reflection and measuring my life of where I was and what I wanted is I recognized that the one thing that was driving me is because I had promised myself as a child, that I was never going to live a life like the life that I was living.

And I was reflecting on that and really deep within the thought and taken back to this moment where at seven years old being homeless, at nine years old being homeless, at 12 years old doing drugs, at 15 years old getting expelled from school, at 18 years old not graduating from high school and so on and so forth. And thinking about man, all these promises you broke to yourself, you said all these things you were gonna do. You were gonna be great, you were gonna, you know, not be homeless anymore. You were gonna make money. You were going to be a person who impacted the world for the better you were gonna do all these things and yet I constantly found myself sabotaging, destroying, getting in my own way and then blaming it on my trauma. I was blaming it on the past. This is who I'm supposed to be. Right. You may relate to this. I would sit there and go. This is who I'm supposed to be. Clearly. Look what everyone else told me. I'm being exactly what they are. And in that, what I understood about myself was I was making excuses. And that kind of started the catapult to getting into things, right? And you may know my story and when we get into the course, I'm gonna dive into it in a deeper way than I ever have, so you really can understand the depths of this journey. But about five years ago, I was looking at my life and going to therapy every Wednesday night, every Thursday night, I was like back-to-back and then I was going to the gym all the time, I was doing all this work, right? Reading books till the middle of the night, journaling all day, really kind of trying to bring all this stuff together. And what happened is what I mentioned a moment ago, I recognized, and I understood that my why was when I was a little kid, when I was a tiny, small hurt, fragile little human being. I promised myself when I'm a grownup, that's the only thing I ever wanted to do as a kid like when I'm a grownup, right? You probably relate to this too, I'd be like, this is what I want. I want this life of peace and happiness and love and prosperity and joy and hope and compassion and grace, and I didn't give myself any of those things. And five years ago, I said, that is why, that is why I'm doing this cuz I deserve to have all those things that I did not get as a child, but more so all the things that I promised myself I would have.

And so, if you're in this place where you're trying to figure out what's really going on and why you're here, I want you to take some time and just reflect and think about. Why are you here? What is it that you want from yourself on the backside of this? What do you owe yourself? What do you deserve to give yourself through this and maybe love or compassion or to stop self-sabotaging, but it might be something different, it might be so you can learn to be a better parent because you understand emotions better, it might be so you can be a better employee or employer, there's so many different areas, which this can be a leverage point for what's next in your life. And I want you to think about it really take some time here and evaluate, what is your why? What is it that's driving you right now? Because that thing today can carry you into the future. And I want to be clear about something, cuz this can get really easily misconstrued. Your why is your why? It's not anyone else's, it's not about your kids. It's not about your employees. It's not about your husband or wife. It's not about your cousin or your best friend, it is about you and you alone because ultimately nobody lives for you, nobody breathes for you, nobody loves for you, no one is going to do this work that's ahead. No one signed up for this. You did, you put yourself behind your computer or your phone. You put in all the information, you put in your credit card, you said, let's see what happens. And now you are the one in control of everything that's next. So, this why this leverage point and mine was looking at my life as a child and going, that's what I want as an adult. And now as an adult, my why it's still very much about me. I don't know how to make this not sound odd, but realistically, my life ending generational trauma is selfish. Because I want to put myself out of a job, I don't want to have a career in this space. You know what I mean? It's deeper than that, I'll explain it more when we have time together, but really like, that's what it's about. How do I empower the world to take care of itself so ultimately, I become obsolete? That's my why.

And so, as you're in this, and you're thinking about your why, make it about you. It is okay to put yourself first. I'm giving you permission right now, everything that we do from this moment forward is about you first.

So, take some time name that why and share it with the community.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.