Jan. 9, 2022

E174: You're going to fuck up but you're not a fuck up

E174: You're going to fuck up but you're not a fuck up

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Get a Paperback copy of Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma for FREE at: https://book.thinkunbroken.com/

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Transcript

Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. Very excited to be back with you with another episode and today I want to talk to you about something really important and that is that you are going to fuck up, it's true, you're going to fuck up, it's gonna happen. Like I think about this all the time and we hold ourselves to such extreme perfection ideas that it's destroying our life. And the truth is like if you want to continue to move forward in your life, if you want to grow, if you want to change, if you want to heal, if you want to become the best version of yourself, the most important thing that you can do is acknowledge that you're going to make mistakes, and you've heard me talk about this before.

Failure is data, making mistakes is data. You can use that information to understand what to do moving forward to make sure that you're in alignment with the life that you want to have. Now that said in those moments because I promise you it's going to happen.

The most important thing that you can do is (A) bring attention and meaning to it like look at them mistake you made, why did you fuck up? Why did you just do the thing that you did? Was it a repeat of a behavior pattern that you still have, not broken that's been ingrained in you for 20 years? Was it that you weren't in alignment with your values, your wants, needs or interest? Where you triggered were you in this position where life felt chaotic, and this was a self soothing thing that happened?

Like you have to ask yourself these questions because there's always a rhyme in a reason like you can't just be like, I made a mistake, it's not that easy like that to me is a scapegoat, that is the easy way out, that is the way out for people who don't want to create change in their life.

If you just look at your life and you go, oh, I made a mistake, it is what it is. The problem is, there's no accountability in that and I can assure you, you're going to make a mistake again that is the exact same and going to have the same result where you look at it and go, oh, well, it is what it is, I made a mistake.

You have to get super clear about understanding why what happened took place? Okay. I'm going to say that again; you have to get clear about why what happened took place? Because of causation and correlation am looking at the experiences that we had, there are is probably, there is a reason why what has happened has taken place. Now, once you acknowledge it, this is where it gets tricky, right?

And look, I will be the first one to say that I am always working through being better, growing, being different, being healed, living life more authentically, showing up as myself more and more every single day.

And it's a process and is not easy and even for myself an everyone that I know even my mentors, like people that I look up to that, coach me, that guide me, I know for certain, they also make mistakes.

Now, here's what's really fascinating about this. The first time you make a mistake, it's an accident. Maybe even the second or third, if you haven't brought awareness to it, but on a long enough time line, you have to realize that when you are fucking up, whatever that means for you, again, this is going to be different for everybody. Maybe it's not showing up, maybe it's lying, maybe it's eating the shitty food, like – I don't know what it is for you, but it's going to be something like in that eventually when you have brought awareness to it and your four, five, six, twelve times and doing that thing. Now, you're making a decision, you're making a choice about what it is that you are doing, and that's really dangerous because that means that you're letting yourself off the hook, that means that you're not stepping into your full potential, that means that when you're in that moment of making that misguided choice, that you're not trusting yourself, you're not believing in yourself, you're not following through on the promises that you've made yourself and that's dangerous, my friends.

And so I want you to understand something you're going to fuck up. It's inevitable, it's going to happen, it's probably happening right now. You're probably listening this like, holy shit. I can't believe I did the thing. I said I wasn't going to do; I've been there, I'll probably I will be there again, we all are but it's important that you bring awareness and acknowledgement to those mistakes because when you do two things happen, one now you have awareness that gives you the ability to circumvent it happening again and two your out of excuses because look you're going to have to show up for your life, told you this before, no one's coming to rescue, no one's coming to save you and getting in your own way when you understand that often, it's a biological response to stimulus, especially if you're triggered, that's built in our autonomic system, that's based on it happening because your body doesn't know what else to do can lead you to this place in which suddenly you're so dissociated that you're totally removed from reality.

Whenever I look at the course of let's call it, whenever I look at the course of the last five years and I measure these moments in time where I did something that was outside of character out of my values, out of my morals, it was against my wants, needs or interest, it was something and I felt bad about, it was a gigantic mistake, it was a huge, fuck up, whatever it is, I can guarantee you, I will promise you every single time that happened I was dissociated and I was not present because again like you have to understand the biological experience that you're having.

So if your body is triggered your mind, your brain is flooded with cortisol, you cannot make rational decisions. And so if you're on the fence about something that, you know, might be detrimental to your life and I don't mean that you're going to die but something like pretty fucked-up might happen, might ruin a relationship, lose a job, ruin a friendship, you know, whatever that thing might be, I don't have the list goes on and on and on maybe it's eating the cheese burger for some of you, right? Maybe it's that next drink.

I think the most important thing that you can do is just pause and breathe and recognize that you have to get back into the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest digest side of the nervous system so that you can get back into making a cognizant understanding of what's happening in real time.

And the best way to do that is to simply pause, close your eyes, breathe and meditate for a couple minutes, just without distraction get present with yourself. Because when you do that, even if it's 5 minutes before you step into that thing that you know is detrimental possibly detrimental to your life, the likelihood of you following through on the ill-fated decision I would argue is so exponentially smaller that you won't even contemplate actually doing the thing that you were about to do.

So recognize you're going to fuck up, it's okay, just follow the tools, get present, be in your body and when you are faced with that decision, you're going to make a difference.

So my friends, thank you so much for listening. Hope that you take care of yourself, know that you're going to fuck up, it's okay, just don't hold yourself to perfection, get present and recognize that at some point, you're making a choice.

And, of course.

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And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

 

 

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.