Jan. 13, 2023

You are NO Longer A Child

Join us on the Think Unbroken Podcast as we explore the challenges and opportunities of navigating adulthood in the digital age. From building healthy relationships to career...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/you-are-no-longer-a-child/#show-notes


Join us on the Think Unbroken Podcast as we explore the challenges and opportunities of navigating adulthood in the digital age. From building healthy relationships to career development, we'll help you break free from the limiting beliefs of childhood and embrace your full potential as an adult. Listen now and learn how to Think Unbroken.

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Transcript

One of the most life-changing thoughts that I've ever had was;

“You Are No Longer A Child”

This is a really heavy conversation for me because I remember being so much of my childhood being like, the very thing that I want more than anything is to be a grownup. I want to be an adult. I don't want to have to worry about these drug addict and alcoholic people who are supposed to take care of me, not doing it. I don't wanna worry about these stupid teachers who don't actually help me, who call me dumb and tell me I'm never gonna amount to anything being in my life. I don't wanna deal with these pairs of mine who are older, but yet are in and out of jail and leading me and the other kids around me, down the wrong path and all I ever wanted to do was be a grown up.

And then I became a grownup, and I realized when I got deep into the work. Now obviously you know my story and being in my mid-twenties like that chaos, but becoming an actual adult, what I realized was like actually I'm still very much a child. And this concept is one that I teach my coaching clients in our weekly coaching sessions is you are no longer a child and that's not, you're no longer child i.e., put childish things away for you now, man, or whatever that quote is. It's recognizing that you have to reparent yourself. It is recognizing that you have to be responsible for yourself and recognizing that nobody's coming to.

And look, guys, here's a bitter truth that I'm going to give you.

Most of you are not going to have success in your life.

Most of you listening to this right now are not going to have success in your life because you are unwilling to do the difficult deed of changing everything around you. And so, when I talk about this idea of not being a child, it's about can you reparent yourself in a way that leads you down a path to success?

Most people, I'm telling you right now, and you might be one of them, and it breaks my fucking heart because you don't understand the potential that you have, and I didn't either. And so, for the first 26 years of my life, it was a disaster because I was living into everything everyone always told me that I would be, and because of that, I became everything, everyone always told me that I would be. And as a ramification of those choices and those decisions, what transpired was I ended up being everything everyone told me I would be. And most importantly in that, is I still remain that lost hurt little child that little boy that was afraid and terrified of the potential that he had. Like inside of us we all have this filling, this emotion, this thing that kind of drives us and wants us to find success, right? But how often are we sabotaging it? And for me it was all the time. Like I sabotaged every relationship I was in. I sabotaged every career I had. I sabotaged my money, my health, my friendships, my relationships with my brothers and my sister, like everything. Why? Because I was still under the belief system of a child that I was unworthy and that I didn't deserve it.

And so, whereas I saw people around me having what I deemed as success, even though on paper it might have looked like I did, I actually didn't because I was fucked up still ‘cuz, I was a fucking loser because I was doing all this shit that wasn't in my truth and it led me down a path of pain, of suffering, of hurt. And when I realized like I was being a child still, what I mean by that is I realized I was being undiscipline, not undisciplined as in like ramification or punishment, but I just wasn't showing up. And this is why most of you listening are not going to be successful in life because you're not showing up because you are tied into the identity that you have to still be the person that you were.

And in order to become the person that you know you're capable of being, you are going to have to let go of that identity. And if you do not, nothing's going to change. And so, I'm sitting here and I'm like having this moment of like, oh my God, this is actually my fault, not the things that happened were my fault because they're certainly not, but it's my fault that I'm in debt and I'm overweight and I'm smoking two packs a day and I'm drinking, it's my fault that I make poor investment decisions, it's my fault that I literally, the will of my car is fucking falling off and I don't go to the mechanic. Dead serious. And my girlfriend at the time who's pretty good with cars helped me fix my fucking wheel, which then eventually fell off cuz we didn't know what the fuck we were doing because instead of being a grownup and going, doing the grownup thing, the adult thing, and that's going to a fucking mechanic, I let it get to the point that it was so bad I couldn't even drive to the mechanic. I did the same thing with my teeth. When I was 19, I started to get impacted wisdom teeth, are growing into the bones of my jaw. And I put it off and put it off and put it off to the point where one night I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever bleeding out of my mouth. And I go to the dentist and they go, dude, you need emergency surgery today. You're about to have sepsis, you're lucky you don't, you jackass and you're probably gonna die if we don't get this taken care of. And I look at those two scenarios, right? Specifically.

And then I look at one more, the fact that even though I was making great money, I couldn't even pay my own damn rent. What do all three of those things have in common? Being responsible.

Being an adult, like healing your inner child is about taking over all of the bullshit that your parents should have done and doing it for yourself and holding yourself accountable to living the life that you say you're going to live. And in doing so, recognizing one of the most empirical truths of the human experience, that it's all on you. You see, one of the things that people come up to me all the time, whether I'm speaking at an event or they send me an email from the podcast where they DM me, they go, I can't figure this out. I don't get it. I'm stuck. And I'm like, I know you are. What's really funny is, how often I have a conversation with someone and I tell them exactly what they're gonna tell me before they tell me because I've been down this path, guys, like this is the thing I wanna reiterate constantly as we get into these solo episodes this year, is that like, I have been where the fuck you are. And this isn't me sitting here on a pedestal being like, oh, I'm better than that ‘cause I promise I'm not. I still have mentors, I still have coaches, I still have therapy. I still fuck up all the time. I'm a human being. Right? But it's different now, right? It's different. I have massive responsibility.

Back last night, I'm having dinner. So, my mentor, David, 55th birthday, so I fly to Vegas for a day trip to go and support him as he's actually doing a talk at Ryan Pineda’s event. So, I'm hanging out backstage with him, we're having these amazing conversations. He goes on, he does his thing. He ends up going to dinner with his wife, and I go to dinner with his team and a member of his team, they say to me, Hey man, how did you get so successful? And I said, first and foremost, success is independently defined. Success for me may not be a success for you, and that's so important in this because comparison is fucking stupid and what I want isn't probably what you want, right?

So first and foremost, defined success for yourself.

Secondly, and here's where people get caught up, is they don't understand that success is a formula. It's very simple. It's actually this, I'm gonna give you the formula for success and this is three parts.

  • Get clarity about what you want.
  • Take massive action towards that clarity every single day
  • And be patient.

Because on a long enough time horizon, you can have the success that you want, but if you are still trapped, like I was in this childlike mentality that you don't have to be responsible for yourself because it's everybody else's responsibility to take care of you. Or if you're in that mentality, which I've always been in, where it's like it's something, even to this day, I have to be cognizant of that, oh, because my childhood was this, I can only ever have that.

And so, in order to actually step into success, to get clarity, to take action and to be patient. You have to understand that you have to heal that place in you in which you're expecting other people to take care of you. And it's not that people don't love you, that they won't support you, that you don't have caregivers, things of that nature, but the thing that you want in terms of the overarching, really the tagline of your life as I created this is you have to let go of the expectation that somebody's going to come and do this shit for you. Nobody's going to therapy for you. Nobody's going to coaching with you. The fucking free programs that you do don't work. In fact, one of the things that we're doing we're basically, if it's already been built and it's something free that we do for Think Unbroken, we will continue to do it. But moving forward, we're not doing free stuff anymore like I'll tell you right now in Unbroken Conference, this year will not be free. And here's why, because I had a moment of recognition within myself where it was like, every time I do something for free, I never do anything.

And so, this is what I mean by that expectation. I have the expectation that somebody will give me something of value and that I will actually use it if I don't have to invest in it, and that's just not true. It's not a true across the board. That's why I'll tell you right now, there's hundreds of people in Think Unbroken Academy and there's dozens of people in weekly coaching. And I promise you, I promise you, as much as I know the sun will rise tomorrow, the people who are in weekly coaching who have invested in themselves to be in that program will have a different life outcome, they will be the minority of people who are listening to this show right now who will be successful. Right?

And here's the truth about it, as children, we're taught to be scared to put ourselves first. We're taught to be scared to don't invest in yourself, don't go towards your dreams, don't do this, don't do that and then there's a price to pay for that. And that price is that you look at your life now and you consume all this content, all this media, all these podcasts, all these books, all these conferences, all these events and nothing has fucking changed, nothing has changed. And do you know why nothing has changed? It's because you haven't changed anything, that's just truth.

People expect everything to be different because they did one thing, and I did this for fucking years. I remember one time I went to Seattle. This was early on when I used to be a wedding photographer, so I'd go to Seattle. I'm probably 24 or 25 and, and I actually borrowed money cuz again, I'm fucking poor cuz I'm not responsible. So, I borrow money to go to Seattle to learn from this mentor who teaches me the systems of photography to run the business in a way that I can get myself out of debt. I get myself outta debt. I get the business up. I become one of the most renowned photographers in the city. I'm on publications. I'm working for Coca-Cola, Red Bull, Four Roses, I'm doing all these things, and yet I'm still fucking poor because I was spending money like a moron every time that I got it in my hand because I didn't understand responsibility. And still, even though I'm making money, my business is growing and I'm feeling better about myself because I'm doing coaching and therapy, and I'm learning and I have a mentor, I still haven't healed that part of myself, the inner child, about being responsible for myself and reparenting myself as an adult and holding myself accountable to the thing that I know I need to do. And so even though I was doing all that shit, I was still not successful.

This is the thing that you have to understand.

You can do all this shit. You can come to all the conferences, listen to all the fucking podcasts, read the fucking book, do all of it, nothing's different. Nothing's gonna be different because you have not accepted responsibility for your life. And that's where I was, I had not accepted responsibility for my life and said, Michael, you know, here's the truth. You are not doing what the fuck you said you were gonna do. You're not eating right, you're not going to the gym. You're still smoking, you're still drinking, you're still cheating on your girlfriend, your massive debt, you're lying to your friends, you're not spending time with your family, you're not connecting to source, you're not meditating, journaling, working out, you're not doing any of this shit, and your life's not fucking different. So, what are you complaining about?

And this is a thing that I share a lot and I think people take it the wrong way and it's been taken outta context and people have tried to like fucking cancel me. And I'm like, well first off, you're not gonna cancel me cuz I'm not gonna stop doing this I've said that before. But the context was literally what I just said. If your life's not different, it's your fault. And people don't want to hear that because they wanna blame the world cuz they want to see a reason why it's okay that they live a subpar life.

You know, I was thinking about if you listen to Pink Floyd, they have this song comfortably numb. One of the biggest problems in society in the world that we live today is people are fucking comfortably numb and you are probably one of them. And I am too, even where I'm at right now, I'm still like, yep, there's still comforts that I haven't pushed through yet like part of me is like get up at 4:00 AM and I'm like, fuck, man, at 4:00 AM this sounds ridiculous, but I actually wake up at 5:30 to 6:00 o'clock. Now, part of that is it necessary? And so, I have these back and forth and I'm always pushing and challenging myself, whether it's doing 75 hard or carnivore diet or a keto diet, or not eating sugar for a month or not eating popcorn or not doing or using CBD or not drinking alcohol, or not having sex and being celibate and not dating, it's like I'm always challenging myself too not be comfortable. And if you are listening to this and your life is full of fucking comfort, then you have to understand a truth that is undeniable, nothing's gonna be different.

If you are good in the comfort that you're in right now, then you need to just sit in that truth, which is fact. Look at the facts in front of you. If your life isn't different because you're not taking action, ‘cause you don't have clarity and ‘cuz you're not being patient, then just simply sit in the fact of the truth of the reality of your life and understand that you have designated it okay to be where you are; a decision you have made. And as that part of you is like understanding, I hope you're understanding this conversation, right?

The inner child in you desperately needs to be disciplined. Again, not in ramification or punishment, but in showing up responsibility and doing what you say you're going to do. Because here's where we go a little bit deeper in this.

Go and make an assessment of your parents. Go and look at your parents. Look at your caregivers. Look at the community of people who were supposed to take care of you and rear you into the world. Right? Look at those humans, were they responsible? Were they disciplined? Did they do what they say they were going to do? Did they show up? Did they live with purpose? Did they have clarity, take action and be patient, right? I'm gonna guess if you're anything like me, the answer to all those questions is no. And so now this has been modeled to you that it's okay to live a subpar life, right? And then you tack on the trauma elements of it where your body's constantly in fight or flight, you can't figure out which way is up, you're not doing the things you need to do, to get into your parasympathetic nervous system. And so, you got all these fucking things working against you. And what's interesting about that is you can take all that information and data and you can use it and assess it and go, you know what actually the truth is, and this is a hard truth my friends, this is a really hard truth.

It's okay to make these excuses and to leverage all this information to not have the life that you want. And when you do that, that's where you sit in that space of comfortably numb, that's where you sit in the space of, nothing's gonna be different cuz you haven't changed anything, that's where you sit in the space of having to acknowledge the truth, the facts that you're where you are because of you. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. All that stuff that happened to you, all those experiences, all that pain, all that suffering, all the guilt, all the bullshit is not your fault, but every moment from right now is on you.

And that's what I realized, that's when my life changed. I had that aha moment and I was like, oh my God, I'm not a child anymore. I don't have to be this. I can be that other version of me. I can execute. I can ask for help. I can show up. I can shift the identity. But again, most of you, I'm going to even say 90% of you listening to this, are not going to have a different outcome because you are scared.

And I teach people all the time, and this is true.

Anybody I ask will agree with this. If you're scared, you gotta do it anyway, you show up anyway cuz if you don't, nothing's gonna be different. 

And so I decided, I made the decision. I'm going to show up anyway. I'm gonna fucking do it anyway. I'm gonna do it even though it's painful and it's uncomfortable, and it means I have to kill off this old identity, then I'm gonna do it, even though I know it's going to suck, I'm gonna do it, even though it's going to require a tremendous amount of effort and energy and money. I'm going to invest in myself. I'm gonna show up day in and day out, and on a long enough timeline, my fucking life will be different. 13 years later, and some of you guys, you're like, I went to the course, I read the book I did, I spent $400. So? That has nothing to do with anything if you don't take the appropriate action, and most of you are not taking enough action. You're in shit relationships. You fucking hate your job. You eat like garbage. You don't do the thing that you say you're going to do. And guess what? I'm one of you guys. I get it. Like I get it, and the only reason I'm speaking at you from this place is because I hope, and I pray that a seed will get planted in your head that says, I can have more, I can have more. I can have my dreams, the dream relationship, the car, the clothes, the body, the money, the health, the relationships, the family, the legacy. I can have it all. Right? And it's not having it all because you're selfish or greedy, it's because why the fuck not? You've already fucking suffered. You might as well get something for it. You've already hurt. You might as well reap the reward of that pain. You've already seen rock bottom, so why not fly private? You know what I mean? And I don't fly private. Let's be clear, I've actually never been on a private plane other than to like look at the inside. But you know, it's like I want that man like I fucking want that life, those relationships, that kind of money, that kind of body, that kind of like legacy. And here's what's interesting, I know with certainty in the speed of media and content that is created in the time that we live in 25 years after I'm dead. I pray I'm still alive in fucking 25 years, but after I'm dead, nobody's gonna know me. They're gonna see my book on a shelf at the library one day and go, that's interesting, they're gonna find a podcast buried in the YouTubes one day, they'll go, that guy tried some shit. Right? But the thing that's important to me is how I show up every day, for my people, for my family, for my community, for the people that are near and dear to me for this fucking community. Like, I kill myself for my community, right? Think Ubroken is not easy. This is not fucking easy. Right. And I'm not saying it because I want you to feel sad for me or anything like that. I'm telling you fact, like truth is fucking fact. I put it on the table, I go, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I've built multimillion dollar businesses. I've spoken on the biggest stages in the world. I've interviewed the greatest minds on planet Earth, nothing is harder than doing Think Unbroken nothing. And the reason I keep doing it, ‘cause I know that one of you fucking people listening to this is going to have a different outcome and that drives me every. But for the other 99% of you, nothing's gonna be different and this is a waste of your time.

I'm telling you right now, if you don't take action, you're wasting your time. You should never listen to this show again. In fact, I will tell you this, if you are scared to take action, come and join the coaching program. Let us support you. Let us help you. Let us show you possibility. Let's be a part of this. You don't have to go down this path alone, my friends. But I mean, at the end of the day, truth be told, this is your decision to make.

And so, with that said, my friends know this. I appreciate you greatly.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for showing up, it means the world to me that you would be here.

And if you found value in this, come and join the coaching program. Go to keys.thinkunbroken.com and share this with somebody. Listen to this every day if you need to, because I'll tell you this, the difference of success and failure in my life literally came down to understanding that I was no longer a child and that I had to become the person I was capable of being and that nobody else was gonna do it. And when that happened, everything changed, my friends.                                                                        

So, thank you so much! I appreciate you.

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Until Next Time, My Friends.

Be Unbroken.

I'll see ya.

Michael UnbrokenProfile Photo

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.