Nov. 1, 2022

WATCH THIS to Build Your Self-Esteem! | CPTSD and Mental Health Podcast

In this episode, I will dive into how micro and macro goals will help you build self-esteem. One of the biggest struggles that trauma survivors often have is creating a baseline of self-esteem as we've come from a place of not knowing that we were allowed to begin with.
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In this episode, I will dive into how micro and macro goals will help you build self-esteem. One of the biggest struggles that trauma survivors often have is creating a baseline of self-esteem as we've come from a place of not knowing that we were allowed to begin with.

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What’s up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you are doing well wherever you are in the world.

One of the biggest questions that I get is, how do I know if I am healing? Like what are the signs? What are the symptoms? What is the prognosis of healing? And as I kind of sit and think about that notion, what comes to mind is how do you think about yourself and feel about yourself when you are by yourself? I mentioned this previously in another episode, and it's a great notion coined by Tom Bilyeu, if you're unfamiliar with him, look him up. But how we feel and think about ourselves when we're by ourselves is crucial. And a lot of time when we are first starting this journey, being within our own self and our own thought and thinking and feeling is a skew from the reality of what it should be. And what I mean by that is we are often stuck in this notion of being undeserving, of being unfitting of we don't get or deserve to have any of the things that other people have or get to have and that notion is a lie. And often it comes back into that trickle-down effect of we are the stories that we tell ourselves. And I so often am in this place where I am changing my own narrative. Even today, even right now as I'm recording this, I still have to be doing the things that I say that I'm going to do in order to heal and to grow.

I think one of the biggest signs that you are healing is that you notice an esteem, right? You notice self-esteem. You notice that you are showing up for yourself and honoring yourself and doing the things that you said that you're going to do and more so you're pushing yourself through that place of being uncomfortable and you're discovering new boundaries and you're standing up for yourself, which is so incredibly important because so often we don't, or we haven’t. And when you do that, and when you put yourself in a position of success, it often comes from stepping into ownership and showing up for yourself.

One of the things that is going to slowly begin to happen as you continue to be uncomfortable in your healing journey is that you are going to notice that you are thinking and feeling about yourself much differently than what you are used to. And what I mean by that is you'll notice scenarios and situations like confrontation, like arguments, like going to the gym or working out or eating well or sleeping or not drinking, or quitting smoking, or whatever that thing is. You'll notice that the declarations that you make to yourself about change, when you say, I am going to do this thing, you actually start to do. And on the backside of that, this growth begins to happen. You'll notice almost like a domino effect where day in and day out, you're doing the little things that it takes to be successful. You're waking up on time, you're working out, you're writing in your journal, you're meditating, you're eating well, you are showing up for yourself, you are not allowing people to step all over you. You are not taking an advantage of people. You're not having negative self-talk and so on and so forth. And the more that you step into these things, the more that it will start to shape who you are. And what happens is by doing these things that are really difficult and hard and uncomfortable, you get a better understanding of the capacity that you have to actually become the person that you want to be.

One of the greatest achievements that I've had in my life is establishing and creating self-esteem, and you're probably thinking, well, how do I do that when I've never had an understanding of what that means? Well, first you're going to have to define what self-esteem means to you. And to me, self-esteem is about showing up for myself every day. It's about being the person that I said I was going to be often in our heads and in my head, I would always say, okay, I'm gonna do this thing. I'm gonna show up this way and then there's no follow through. The only way that this works is you have to follow through, right?

One of the best things that you can do as you are starting this journey of building who it is that you want to be as you take a piece of paper and you write down in segments every part of who you want to be. And look, there's a big difference between micro goals, things that are small that move you forward, and macro goals, big goals, long term things that you want to accomplish over weeks, months, years, decades, right? And what you do is you sit down and you write this out, you say, this is what I want my relationship to be. This is what my self-esteem to look like, this is what I want my career to look like, this is what I want to do when I am feeling happy or sad or angry and you kind of lay out and define exactly the person that is that you want to be.

And I want you to think about long term. We often get stuck in this notion or idea of change happens immediately. Well, as you know, if you've spent any time in this growth mindset and learning and stepping into understanding what's next. Small incremental changes lead to big, gigantic changes, and it starts with one thing at a time. One thing at a time. Baby steps. As you are creating this pathway and framework of the person that you want to be, what I want you to take into consideration is what does your life look like down the road? Right? Because today it's probably not representative of the person that you want to be, you're not showing up, you're not standing up for yourself, the self-esteem’s very low. You don't believe in yourself. You let other people walk all over you, you set goals, but you never reach them, right? That is the person that we are working through to become the person that we want to be. You want to show up, you wanna reach goals, you want to stand up for yourself, so on and so forth.

You have to define what that person looks like. And that's the macro, right? So that's the high end, that's what you in 10 years looks like. Because realistically, and I wanna be clear with you, and I don't want to mislead you this process, healing, growing, changing, showing up, it literally takes a lifetime. And you know, as I've been coaching and mentoring and writing books and traveling the world and speaking and sharing this information, the one thing that I always tell people is that you have to deploy an immense amount of patience because there is never going to be a day, and I'm gonna break it to you right here and if you have not discovered this, you need to know this now. There is never going to be a day that you are not going to have to put in effort. There is never going to be a day where you don't have to show up for yourself. There is never going to be a day where magically you're going to wake up and life is Lalaland, that's not real, but you get to the point where it takes less effort every day because of the work that you're doing now. Stop focusing on tomorrow. That is not to say that tomorrow doesn't take effort, but stop focusing on trying to create this vast change tomorrow and think about what tomorrow's effort looks like 10 years from now. Right? We often get stuck in this idea and ideation of not creating goals for the long term, and because of that, we fell over and over and over again in the short term. This effort of macro is so far down the road that this picture that you paint is going to take a bazillion micro efforts. And what I mean by that is you sat down, you wrote down the person that you want to be, you identified all these areas of your life that are important that you kind of create and make the caricature of. And now tomorrow and even today, right now, this moment, think about what is the one thing that you can do today that moves you closer to that goal, and then from now until the rest of your life, how do you do one thing every single day that moves you closer to that goal? Right. And so, if your goal is I wanna lose a hundred pounds, you're not going to lose a hundred pounds overnight and as someone who has lost 160 of those pounds, let me tell you this, it takes years, right? It takes effort, it takes years, it takes patience, right? If you want to put yourself in a position where you've worked through CPTSD and trauma, and you're defining what that looks like, you have to understand that that process takes years. If you want to build self-esteem, that process takes years. And that's not a bad thing because here's what you have to think about, that long term goal, the effort that you're making for the macro is going to take efforts today. And as you move through these small efforts today, you are going to be able to notice change so slowly you are going to start to develop and build self-esteem, self-narrative, self-growth, mindset change, all of those things will start happening when you do small things now the right way. And you have to understand, there's no shortcut in this, right? We often fell at our goals and our plans and our mission because we're always looking for the shortcut, we're always looking for the right now, we're always looking for, can I be onto the next thing? So, make this macro goal that you want to accomplish, make it grandiose, make it huge, make it being whatever it is that you want to be, because here's my understanding of the world. 

There is no way that you should not be able to have what you want in your life if you are willing to work for it.

Now, it may take you 25 years to have that, to have the relationship, to have the body, to have the mindset, to have the career, to have the family social structure, to have the self-esteem it may take years. And I want you to understand that that is okay. Be patient but be relentless. Move forward every day with intention because the only way that your life is going to change is by putting in those micro efforts on a day-to-day basis.

And let me share this last bit of information with you. The number one tool that I have in this process is that I write down every part of what it is that I want to be, what I want to accomplish, what I want to do in my life. And if you want to put yourself in a position to be successful, grab a piece of paper, write these things down, and then move forward one baby step at a time. And I promise you, my friend, your life will change.

I hope you got a lot of value out of this episode. Please share this if you think it will help other people.

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And Until Next Time.

My friend, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken


Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.