Michael Unbroken on The Playbook Podcast

David: David Meltzer here with Entrepreneurs: The Playbook, and I have an entrepreneur that anytime he wants can sit down with me. He's part and co-host of mine on multiple shows. He is a mentor and a mentee. He's changing the world with his story and the lessons that have been a part and parcel to that story. He has an incredible podcast. He almost as many episodes as I do, The Unbroken Podcast, the Unbroken Academy, the Unbroken himself, Michael Unbroken. Welcome to SoFi Stadium and Entrepreneurs: The Playbook.

Michael: Thanks man. This is super exciting. This place is dope. I haven't been here, so…

David: Well, I've done quite a few of these today, and I will tell you that my blood pressure went down about 50 points because talking to you just puts me at ease.

Michael: Oh, thanks man.

David: And the reason it puts me at ease is I know I just get the truth with you. I know I get no judgment or comparison. I get is someone that I consider to be a real friend.

Michael: Thank you!

David: And wants to bring the best out of me, but also give his best when he is with me. And we do that together as co-hosts of Office Hours, TV and digital show, and it's just a blessing to be able to be with you every single week, whether it's virtual or in person, I was going to hit you up with a little bit of reflection, vulnerability of, you know, how do you feel? 'Cause I never, I get to truly ask, you know, when we get to do stuff together, what are the emotions that come through for you? You know, do I get you, you know, stressed, excited, et cetera? You know, what is the impact that I have emotionally on you? Because we get to interact so much.

Michael: Yeah. that's awesome, awesome question. I would say that, and maybe this is an emotion, but it definitely falls under the category of human needs, is security, like there is something about just our relationship, our bond, our connection that I get from you, this thing that I have needed my entire life. And it's really, really I was reflecting on this the other night, journaling. I'm like, it's really hard to be a orphan at 38 years old, you know? And growing up with no parents who are drug addicts and alcoholics being abandoned as a kid and then like seeking, like, I spent so much of my time seeking and I'm investing into this person and that person, or this drug, or that girl, or this car, or whatever, and never feeling safe in the world. And then I remember it was, It hit me really, really hard, you and I, we were in Vegas. It was actually your birthday. It was your birthday, and I was backstage with you, with Ryan's thing. I'm like, why am I here right now? Like really? That was my thought process, I was like, why am I here? I was like, oh, 'cause this man caress about me beyond what I can give him. Because everything that I've ever experienced in life, especially from other men growing up in the environment that I grew up, was like, what's the exchange of value here? And, and you give me a security that I think really a lot of men need, but especially I do, and it's just been life-affirming and life changing.

David: It is interesting. I'm trying to say this about, you know, getting emotional about it, but when I have a relationship, especially man to man relationship, even my son, you know, my goal is, especially if they're younger than me, is to let them know that I love them, that I'm proud of them and I always have their back. And I am emotional when I say it because it's something that I wanteds from my dad 'cause I didn't have that security, he left. And not nearly to the point of, you know, the abuse that you took. But like for me, I know how important, and I told someone today, I said, I can't tell you how much I'd pay to be able to interview my dad today in the stadium, looking over all of this and what I've been able to accomplish in my life to help other people and the people that I'm around, like to have my dad sit there and just have him say those three things on camera to me, that he loves me, proud of me, always has my back. And when I say those things to you, because you mentioned not a surprise to me, that you feel that emotion of safety and security and you know of, of truth, that you know, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm not, you know, especially when I coach you or mentor, you know, I'm gonna bring up stuff that you know, is uncomfortable that I see to make you a better man.

Michael: Yeah. Even this moment's uncomfortable, you know, in a good way.

David: But to feel that. Do you think those are three things that I should concentrate on with relationships I have like yours? That I make sure that I make sure, not saying it all the time, but inherently that Brother, I love you. I'm proud of you and I always have your back.

Michael: You know what's really interesting about that question? I was recently, I went on a date, I started going on dates again after being single for a while and really focusing on the business and myself. And I was having a conversation with this woman about love languages and I…

David: Mine's time.

Michael: Well, here's what's really interesting. Mine used to be word of affirmations and literally we're sitting on and we're having this conversation. She goes, yeah, but what about when the people don't follow through on it? And I was like, oh, you're so right. So where I hear you say that thing like, I appreciate the words, but the actions behind the words are what bring the most value. And that's been the thing, like you always say to me, I show up. That's the one thing you always tell me, and that's the one thing that you always do in reciprocation. And so for me, it's like I understand the questioning and the line of questioning. I get much more value out of this moment than a text message. Hey, I'm proud of you. Like, that's great, people do that in passing, right? I mean, it's just the nature of life. And it's not that it's not appreciated, but it's like put your money where your mouth is. You know what I'm saying?

David: Yeah. And then you get into the activity, construct, which is another one of my concerns in my deepest relationships, which I do consider you to be one. Not just 'cause I'm saying so, but by my actions, but also have a lot of opportunity for the people that I love, and I always, hopefully without any, uh, uh, quid pro quo transactional nature to it, to, Hey, you know, I would love you to show up to this, this, and this, but very few people have as much to show up for as I do, my great concern is, right, I'm stuck in a construct where, okay, I love Michael Unbroken and he's a very active, successful human being. And I have, you know, last 12 episodes being filmed and three VIP dinners in four days in five different cities, and, you know, all the different things that I'd love to have Michael there for his benefit and mine, but it would be impossible for someone to live a life and say yes to every single thing. Then therefore I sometimes don't invite or forget to invite, and then I feel like, oh shit, what if he finds out? I'm meeting with Joe Dispenza on Thursday. I didn't invite him to speak on the panel with Joe and I. And then I'm caught in this construct. for You know, I'm looking mentorship from you, from someone who understands this relationship and has experienced these things, you know? What are your feelings in those situations? Do you ever feel like the fomo? Do you ever feel like I'm letting David down, or, you know, he forgot to invite me, like he doesn't care about me? Those are all the things that circle through my head.

Michael: Yeah. I love the context of this conversation. I have learned to not allow my emotions to get the best of me as much as humanly possible. And I'm still human, it still happens. I just got triggered last week, you know, and it's funny 'cause like I'm the trauma coach guy. I'm the guy that people compare me the next Tony Robbins. Like I hear these words and it's like, yeah, I still have my own things. Like this is still a part of the process and what happens in those moments is I try to just remove myself from the compulsion of the emotion, right? Because that's where we make the mistakes, that's when we get in our, David doesn't actually care about me. I can't believe he invited this guy over here and not me. Oh, he's in my back backyard. He didn't text me for dinner. Like, that's nonsense, like you can't be everywhere all the time for everyone, and I think that when you can get, I'll speak first person. When I've stepped deeper into this healing journey, the thing that I've discovered probably more than anything is that my self-worth can't be tied into what other people do or don't do for me, right? And I think that when I was younger, it was really easy to get caught up because nobody showed up. I was constantly abandoned. I lived on the streets. I had birthday parties and no one would come. I would wake up in vans and strangers houses, I would steal food to survive. Like I wanna, I won this really important wrestling tournament my junior year. Nobody was there for me, you know, and it's like, so I used to think like, oh my God, if nobody texts me back, I don't matter. I'm not important. Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me. Then I learned through just the journey, doing the work, showing up, the investing, the mentorship, the coaching, all of the things that come along in this process is that I have to give that to me first and recognize that why in the world would anyone be thinking about me right now? Not in a negative way, but in a, oh my God, you have a life. You're recording 12 podcasts, you got 37 people in this office, right? What? And you think I am that important, right? And so it's about compartmentalizing and recognizing that when people are there for you, they show it through their actions, through the way that they show up for you, for the opportunities and touches a favor to your point that they present in front of you 'cause they believe in you. And that's been the thing I've tried to wrap my head around and leverage. Not that I missed that, but look at this, that did happen, right?

David: Yeah. I love the wrestling story because I remember telling my mom, mom, have you? Do you ever know what it feels like to score a touchdown? Nobody's there, right? You look up in the stands and nobody was there. So my mom was raising six kids. I didn't have a dad that was showing up, nobody was around and nobody thought I could do on a football field what I did, not that I did anything that's exceptional other than to the limit of my potential. But like, have you ever, do you know what that feels like? When you express that, I know what that feels like, and what I learned from you and from the story and from my own experience is where am I putting my emotional address right? Where am I putting the emotional address? Because if I'm attaching my emotional address to something that would require validation or reciprocity or reaction, like my emotional address of scoring a touchdown was not in the scoring, the touchdown it was in, who's gonna be there to witness it? And when we can determine in putting our emotional addresses on things that are validating, not arbitrary and capricious, things that are not consistent in its manner, aligned with who we are and what we want or think we want, we then can avoid these shortages, voids, obstacles, and interferences. There's no doubt why they call you Michael Unbroken. He's one of the best coaches I know, he has Unbroken Academy, he's one of the best speakers I know, and there's no doubt in my mind that you will see the equivalence of the greatest speakers in the world. He's also one of the best friends that you can have. And if that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will, we're here at the greatest stadium in the world with one of the greatest people I know, Michael Unbroken. Check out his podcast, his books, his speeches, be his friend, follow him. Listen to him, learn from him. I promise you'll make a lot of money, help a lot of people, and have a lot of fun.

This is David Meltzer with one of his best friends in the world...

Michael Unbroken here with the Entrepreneurs, The Playbook!