July 14, 2022

E361: Are you ready to heal? | Trauma Healing Podcast

So much of the trauma healing journey begins with simply asking yourself if you are truly ready to heal! In this episode I dive into the most important question childhood trauma survivors can ask themselves to recover from abuse...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e361-are-you-ready-to-heal-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


So much of the trauma healing journey begins with simply asking yourself if you are truly ready to heal!

In this episode I dive into the most important question childhood trauma survivors can ask themselves to recover from abuse.

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Transcript

Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation. Hope that you're doing well, my friends. I was on a podcast today and was asked a really, really fascinating question. And the question was, how do I effectively coach people?

And it was very like, how do you do it? Like, what do you do? How do you help people? How do you coach them? How do you make their life better? How do you create change in their life? And it was, you know, I love a question like that, especially if I'm in a certain kind of mood, because I think that when I am really in alignment, when I really feel present, when I feel deep in my truth, when I am coming on the backside of maybe a coaching session like today, which was really beautiful and impactful, it's a reminder of why I do this.

And so, I've really started thinking about like the truth behind this and to be an effective coach, I think is incredibly difficult first and foremost. And so, for anyone who was in coaching or has gone through coaching, you know, when you're with an effective coach or an ineffective coach, because your life will or will not be different. And I started thinking about my own journey. And so, I'm gonna approach this with you guys today in two ways.

So, the title of today's episode is are you ready to heal?

And the first thing that I always come through when I'm working with someone, when they come through and they do the intake, we do an interview process, they get with the team or me and we step into to coaching is the first thing I always ask them is like, are you ready? And that's like, probably the most I would call it probably the most loaded question of all time, like, are you ready to heal? Cause most people are gonna say yes. Right? And I'm like, yeah, of course I am, that's why I'm here. And I'm like, yeah, but is it really like, is that why you're really here? Is that really why you listen to this show? Is this really why you're on this journey?

I wrote this note on my iPad preparing for this episode in this conversation, I dunno if you can see this in the camera. So, if you are watching on YouTube on the Think Unbroken YouTube channel, and you can actually read my handwriting, which you probably can't, this note says; “first the truth” and it's underlying because that's step one, like that's really where this all starts. And so, to get to that place where you ask that question, like, are you ready to heal? Like you have to start with the truth. Are you? Because there's a lot of people, and again, this was me for a long time where I was like, yeah, I'm ready, its time, whatever. But I would sit in these conversations with friends, with peers, with potential mentors, or even with people who would just give one singular word of advice and I'd be like, okay, great. Have a great day. Let me go back to destroying my life. And a lot of people do that, a lot of people say that they're ready. And then I guess it's very much like that adage, when the student is ready, the master will appear and they take the information, whatever it might be, and they go, ah, that doesn't apply to me.

You know, the difference between people who are successful and the people who fell in anything in life. I'm not just talking about the healing journey, but anything is that when they are given what they are looking for, they actually do something with it because most people do not do something with it. Most people don't take what they've learned, what they've been given and apply it, they just kind of like what I used to do. I used to just chalk it up, throw it away and go, ah, that doesn't apply to me, I'm smart enough to figure it out on my own. And the truth is I'm not, and that's why I have coaches today, that's why I've mentors today cuz I'm not, no matter what I think I always come back to the truth of the reality, I am not where I could be without coaches and mentors. And so, being in that scope of the truth, it's just simply looking at your life and go, do you want this or not? Because stepping into becoming who you are is daunting and exhausting because you've never done it before.

We talk about this all the time on this show, you've never done this before. And so, when you're doing it for the first time, it's uncomfortable and you're often clueless and it's very much a salmon swimming upstream, at least that was my experience. Still is to an extent you're like trying to figure it out as you're going, what feels like the wrong direction a lot but ultimately you don't know if you're going the wrong direction until you start getting on the road. And when I sat down with people and I asked them this question, I say, are you really ready to do this? Do you want this? Like, you want your next breath of air. Cause if you do, I can help you.

And I asked them the same question I asked myself, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And if the answer is anything and I genuinely mean this, if the answer is anything less, then no excuses just result, which effectively means I'm willing to do whatever it takes. If the answer is anything less than that, then I can't help you. You can't even help yourself cuz you're still in victim mode and getting out of victim mode starts with the truth like this thing, I just wrote down first, the truth. Why? Why the truth first? Like why does that matter? Because that's where you're gonna find your clarity, that's gonna be where you find out whether or not this is really what you want because people think it is, and then they come and they sit down and I lay out the framework and I go, well, you know, this is a 20-week program or this is a six-week program or this is an intensive weekend or whatever it is. And then they go, oh wait, never mind. Maybe I wasn't prepared for it, maybe I wasn't prepared for the investment mentally, emotionally, physically often. Right? Spiritually, emotionally, financially. This whole thing is a big ole investment, right? Trying to put yourself in a position to win. You know, people who pay, pay attention and payment can be different, right? It doesn't really have to be monetary. And so, for those who say yes, and they're like, yep, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, I'll sell my house, I'll sell a kidney, you know, go get a fifth job, whatever it is. And literally I've had people make huge sacrifices in their life and to watch them come out the other side of this is like, unbelievable. Some of the client stories, some of the interactions, some of the moment I've had with people, taking them through the framework step by step, to help them understand the depth and scope of this journey. And then to watch them execute the game plan and come out the other side successful, it's why I do this. It's unbelievable. But one of the things that they all know coming into this, and this is where I personally have found whether or not someone is ready to work with me. And look, and again, this is different for everybody, right? Because I don't know how I would've answered, you know, a decade ago at the beginning of this journey or responded or had the feeling with the thing that I always say to people, I go, I'm gonna be honest with you. You need to know this coming into this, my goal and my mission is to help you make your life different. My goal is not to be your friend. And in fact, I'm not your friend. I am your coach. And my goal is to help you win your championship. But doesn't mean we can't be friends during or after in the process or in five years like that's never how I think about it. But when I'm sitting across from you.

Here's what I think about, people have an expectation from most of their friendships that their friends are going to give them exactly what they need to hear. Well, that doesn't really work effectively if your friends aren't telling you the truth again, back to this thing I wrote on the iPad first the truth, like that's where everything starts first the truth.

And so, guess what? I'm going to give you the truth and then you have to like process in your head and go, am I really ready for that? Am I ready to heal? Am I ready for the truth? And the truth isn't about beating it. Look, this is what I think is so crazy about the society we live in. People equate the truth to like hurt or harm or pain or suffering, or like it's a bad thing.

We have been led to believe that the truth is a bad thing.

Think about it every time, you know, you watch a movie or a TV show or music or media or the news, they're like, we're gonna tell you all these truths about the world that are devastating, but I don't think that's true. Like there's a lot of really inherently beautiful truth in the world, a lot of powerful truth that gives people the ability to let go of the burden of hiding from who they are. Like, you will not become who you are without the truth. You will not heal without the truth. You will not grow without the truth and you will not blossom and really build into the person that you're capable of being without the truth. And the framework for that's very simple. You look at life and you go, oh, am I ready for reality? Am I ready for massive acknowledgement in this journey? Am I ready for accountability? Am I ready to let go of all the preconceived notions of everything that I believe to be reality? i.e the matrix and am I ready to accept truth for what it is and in the experience that I live in. And if you can get to that place, you're gonna be incredibly successful but that question, like, are you ready to heal?

So many people think they are, that they have not acknowledged the truth, that in order to heal, they're going to have to first understand the truth, that this process is going to be difficult and it is going to at times be painful and at times it's going to be the most incredible and beautiful thing you've ever done, because what happens is when you get to the other side, or when you're walking down the tunnel, everything changes. I was thinking about this today also, in this journey, my role and responsibility as someone who's effectively a guide, like if I were to interchange the word coach with anything, it would be guide like I'm a guide. You have a choice. Like life is really kind of like this system of tunnels, you're always going through one. Sometimes when you step to the edge of the tunnel, you can see light at the end, right? You can already see the light, you know, it's there. And most of the time you can navigate that on your own. And then there are other times in which you step into the tunnel and its miles long, you can't see anything it's pitch black, you have no idea what's happening. You have two choices you can make in that moment. Choice one, and this again, comes to the truth of acknowledging reality truth choice one is you can walk down that tunnel alone and it's going to be unbelievably painful and hard.

One of the biggest mistakes that I made early on in this journey was walking down the tunnels alone, just being like I got it. And that was a trauma response for me of independence like I'm gonna go and do this on my own. So, I walked down the tunnel kept bumping into shit, kept falling down, kept scraping my knees kept like walking around in circles, never really finding the exit. So, that's option one; you can walk down the tunnel by yourself.

Option two, which ultimately became the thing that changed my life is you can reach your handout to someone who's right next to you or maybe just a step ahead or even three feet in front of you who happens to have a flashlight because they walk down that tunnel before and they know what to expect and you take their hand and you go down the journey with them.

And that's the thing that I did that changed my life. That's how I realized, like I was actually ready for this. I was ready to heal. I was ready to grow and I was ready to show up as myself unequivocally, without apology. And that came very simply through recognizing the truth that I couldn't do this alone; I could not do this by myself. And the longer I did it by myself, the more painful it was. And you know, when I look at the difference between success and failure in my life for what it means for me, and I'm not even talking about monetary, I'm talking about just waking up and being okay with who I am, that only came through support of other people, that only came through reflection of other people, that only came through growth of community, that only came through showing up every single day and leading life through watching what other people just ahead of me had done to change their life. And that became the win, that became the thing that changed everything.

And so, coming back to this, I sat for a long time and realized like, maybe I wasn't really ready when I was 21, when I was 18, when I was even 25, like, I wasn't really ready. I'd thought about it, I'd been in pre contemplation about it, I'd wondered about it, but I hadn't faced the truth. And the truth was that the only way I was gonna be ready was by facing the truth.

I know that's a heady conversation that we're having today, but my hope is that you'll sit with it for a little bit, that you'll acknowledge it a little bit, that you'll wrap your head around it a little bit, and that if you need help or guidance, you'll do more than just listen to this podcast. You'll do more than just read a book, but instead you'll reach your handout and say, hey, I need help, I need guidance. I tell people all the time, you would not believe some of the messages that I get in my DMS, and it's a safe space. So, if you message me at MichaelUnbroken, if you message me on YouTube on the Think Unbroken Podcast Channel, you email me to michael@thinkunbroken.com, I am the only person who sees that stuff. And so, if my team does not, my team will never reply to you, my team will never follow up with you, it's always going to be me. Well, it'll be me as long as it's sustainable. Right? I don't know if the future.

And so, if you're like, I need to reach my handout, I need help. I need support. I'm tired of being stuck. I'm tired of walking down this tunnel alone and you've acknowledged the truth, right? I'm here to support you in any way I can. This podcast is only such a small portion of what we're capable of doing together. And so, with that said, my friend, I'll leave you with this where you are today does not have to be where you are tomorrow but unless you make a different choice today, your tomorrow will be the same.

Until Next Time.

My Friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.