July 9, 2022

E356: Let go of your mistakes | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Podcast

So many of us beat ourselves up because of our mistakes. And I think about this all the time, but it's kind of like this, if you keep beating yourself up because of your mistakes and don't change how you treat yourself, how can you ever expect your...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e356-let-go-of-your-mistakes-cptsd-and-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


So many of us beat ourselves up because of our mistakes. And I think about this all the time, but it's kind of like this, if you keep beating yourself up because of your mistakes and don't change how you treat yourself, how can you ever expect your life to be different?

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Transcript

So many of us beat ourselves up because of the mistakes that we make. And I think about this all the time, but it's kind of like this. If you keep beating yourself up because of the mistakes that you make and you don't change the way that you treat yourself, how can you ever expect your life to be different? That's one of the really hard realities of this journey is recognizing that sometimes the very person that is hurting us the most is ourselves.

We ruminate about the past so much we just let it destroy us, the bad things we've done, the mean things we've done, the awful things we've said. And then we think about the future and we go, ah, probably just gonna do it. I'm never gonna be good enough. I don't matter. Why should I change? And the truth is that letting go of your mistakes, letting go of your judgment, your shame, the guilt that you carry about choices that you make is really important. And I'm not saying hide from them because those moments are lessons, you gotta learn from that. But what I am saying is can you leverage and use those experiences to make your life different?

I mean, I'll be honest. I've made every mistake that a man can make. I've lied, cheated, stole, broken people, hurt people. You know, I've done things that I probably shouldn't even say on this podcast because they might be illegal and especially when I was younger, I mean, I stole people's property, I broken the houses, I stole cars, I carried guns, I beat people up like I hurt people in friendships and relationships. I held grudges; I've done everything. And I think about it and it's like, I could sit here and wish, oh man, I wish I would never have done that stuff. I wish I was a different person. I wish that, you know what, my life would be so much different. And the truth is like, without those experiences, I wouldn't be here with you today. I wouldn't be having these conversations. I wouldn't be living a life that I'm happy with, that I love, that I appreciate, that I enjoy. And it's not that like, you know, there aren't these days that are difficult and hard and like, I don't make mistakes because I promise you, I do. But instead, I just simply think about, you know, am I different than yesterday? Did I learn from that mistake? Am I taking the information that I gather to create a different life? Or am I continuing to repeat the same behavior pattern? Right? And there's some truth in recognizing, like, there is aspect of continuing the same behavioral patterns that is a part of the human experience. And there's probably still work to do around those, but when you acknowledge it and you look at it helps you to be able to create and craft a framework to move forward.

What's the point of beating yourself up all the time?

How does that help your life be better?

Now, I don't think that's like an easy thing to process, right? Especially when so many of the ingrained ideas about who we are, come from parents and caregivers who reinforce that you should beat up, you should beat yourself up, that you're not good enough, that you don't matter, that you're not important. And not only is that incredibly unfair, but it's heartbreaking because you do matter, you are important and your mistakes do not define you, but you have to be willing to let go of that. Like your biggest fuck up is not your identity.

You know, you see this all the time. People who have been in prison for some of the most awful experiences that a person can be in prison for come out on the backside, not only necessarily changed, but trying to make the world better and learning from their mistakes and the decisions that they've made and to give people those tools and those understanding.

I look at my life and so many of that, so much of that holds true for me where it's like, you name it, I've done it, I will never sit here free of sin. I will never sit here, not guilty of doing heinous and unfair and unkind things to people. I mean, I've had to just face the truth in that. And I don't beat myself up about those really bad things that have happened in my life. Instead, I just simply sit with them and I acknowledge them and I realize one inherent thing that holds true. It's just truth. It's just reality. It is what it is. And I cannot come back from that without sympathy for myself and empathy for myself and grace, for myself, and a little bit of clarity about the why and then in return to give that to those people who I may have impacted as well. I mean, I know I'm gonna fuck up again. You're going to fuck up again. It's a part of the journey. This is how it works, but guess what? Every single time that you do, that's an opportunity to learn, it's an opportunity to grow. And your biggest mistake again, is not who you are because if my biggest mistake was who I am, trust me, no one would ever talk to me, no one would read any of the books or listen to this podcast, no one would allow me the amazing opportunity that I have to coach them, cuz trust me, if I was my biggest mistake, that's what everyone would see me as. And you have to decide that that's not true for you. And you have to decide that you are not that thing. You have to let go of it and you have to heal it. You have to put it where it needs to be in your life.

There is an opportunity for you to come back from whatever you've done and to give yourself grace and permission to love yourself as you are as a flawed human being, because you are, and we all are, and nobody's fucking perfect and anyone who you think is I promise are not, and it's just about the continuation of every single day, just showing up and trying and doing your best to be the best version of yourself on a day to day basis, knowing that it's just about living and you're having a human experience. And you're going to falter and have fall downs and breakdowns and mistakes, and chances are, you're gonna do it again, but you keep learning from that and growing and trying to separate the time between those mistakes. But also, there's some things that you'll learn from that you'll never do again. And that's one of the interesting and cool things about the process, but if you beat yourself up every time. If you build your worth around your mistakes, you're in trouble.

I'm gonna say that again, this is important.

If you build yourself worth around your mistakes, you are in trouble because where do you go from there? How do you rise from only ever contributing to your own suffering and sorrow?

From my experience, you can't. So, you have to be willing to continue to go forward. You have to be willing to address and assess what has happened. Most importantly, you have to be willing to forgive yourself and forgive others around you.

And forgiveness is a conversation I've had on this show many times is something that I believe to an extent, depending on the circumstance must be garnered and earned. But forgiveness for yourself is simply just sitting in your truth and saying, I am imperfect and I'm having a human experience, just like you, I'm figuring it out one day at a time.

So, I'm gonna challenge you, today, as you're listening to this or watching this to just let go, just say today, can I just exist as me in the present moment? Not in the past and not in the future and just be here with myself, in the moment that I exist in.

I hope this brings you some value, my friends. Losing my voice, as you can tell, it was on like five podcasts today. And so, you know, that's part of it. You still have to show up, I still have to do what I say I'm going to do. Still have to hopefully bring some value to you in your life.

Do me a favor, please.

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And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.