June 9, 2022

E326: How to be ok changing your mind | Mental Health Podcast

In this episode, I talk about how to be okay with changing your mind. The ultimate fixed mindset, where we get stuck more so than anywhere, is in the limiting beliefs, the self-sabotaging ideation that we have, which are instilled in us from our...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e326-how-to-be-ok-changing-your-mind-mental-health-podcast/#show-notes


In this episode, I talk about how to be okay with changing your mind.

The ultimate fixed mindset, where we get stuck more so than anywhere, is in the limiting beliefs, the self-sabotaging ideation that we have, which are instilled in us from our parents, community, childhood, upbringing, and the people around us. You probably had a moment in your life where you were reiterating what someone else told you are or should be, and you fell into believing it. I've been there; trust me, I have those ideas about good enough, strong enough, capable enough. When you understand the truth about this, one of the most difficult aspects of changing how you believe about yourself, how you think about yourself, and how you act in the world starts with shedding those narratives that other people have given you.

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-Be Unbroken.

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Transcript

So often we get stuck in the narrative that who we are today is who we have to be tomorrow.

What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world my friends. Before we jump to today's episode just a reminder that you can read Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma for free if you go to book.thinkunbroken.com where you can download the pdf eBook for zero dollars, if you want to buy the book you are more than welcome to but as I've been mentioning recently I wanted to put the book out at accessible to everyone around the world as zero cost, you just throw your email in there and you'll get a email back from me that will have the full three hundred something pages in there for you.

You know, the book's been out a while now and I was just like you know what, I want everyone to access this because honestly and I've had people email me this and then like nine dollars is too expensive like respect it, get it, I've been there before, also the other thing that I'm working on right now that's very exciting that will be coming very soon with more information is my Men's Trauma Transformation Mastermind so, I'll have more details on that but stay close if you are a man or if a man in your life is in the place in which you know or you believe for yourself that your past, your trauma, your experiences are in your way they're keeping you stuck, they're keeping you from being able to be the man that you're capable of being, I'll have more information on that soon that will coincide kind of what the release of Unbroken Man. So, lots of things happening over here.

That's said, getting to today's subject how to be okay changing your mind?

The ultimate fixed mindset, the place in which we get stuck more so than anywhere is in the limiting beliefs, the self-sabotaging ideation that we have which are instilled in us from our parents, our community, our childhood, our upbringing and the people around us, you probably had a moment in your life where you were reiterating what someone else told you are or should be and you fell into the trap of believing it. I've been there, trust me, I have those ideas about good enough, strong enough, capable enough. And when you understand the truth about this one of the most difficult aspects in changing how you believe about yourself, how you think about yourself, how you act in the world, all starts with shedding those narratives that other people have given you.

I'll give you a perfect example so, I'll get really real with you…

When I was in my early twenties, I had a firm I mean I cannot tell you how firm of a belief that the only way anyone would ever care about me was because of my success, that's it, that's how I believed. I believed it in every fiber of my being that no one would love me, no longer would have compassion for me, empathy, sympathy, I believe that the women I dated and the friends that I hung out with all came because of my success and that was the only way that anyone was going to care for me.

As I got older and I did the work, I realized that came from as a child being invisible unless I did successful things unless I won awards and spelling bees and trophies and ribbons and medals and certificates and all that shit and even still didn't matter.

This is my experience, there's nothing external that you are going to get from someone else that's going to validate your experience and yet we get so caught up in this and I was so stuck in that but think about the other ways you may have been stuck like, I used to watch sports all the time, I cannot tell you how much time of my life I've wasted in front of a TV watching sports, I used to say big guys don't run, right? I used to say things like what's the point, nobody cares, I used to say things like I don't believe in myself so, I'm not even going to try, I would catastrophe everything, right? I mean the one thing I was fucking good at which is insane to me was making money, that's it, the rest of my life was a disaster, I said this is the best relationship well look and these best were not good like I think about one relationship in particular all we did was yell and scream and fight and get drunk and smoke cigarettes and when we were in public we would be a certain way and then when we're in private we would be the polar opposite, I mean this was the most toxic relationship I've ever been in and I mean obviously that's a twofold, two way street we both played a role in that very different world we live in, I haven't talked in this person in over a decade but that was part of the journey, right? And it was okay, well, I'm going and drink and I'm gonna smoke and I'm gonna do all these things because I believe that this is what I deserve.

You know, Tony Robbins says it better than I probably ever could and that as humans we are only willing to accept what we allow ourselves to tolerate and I was tolerating so much because myself worth was so tied into these unrealistic not even expectations but ideas of what it is that I believed I was capable of having should have and deserve to have and that's such a dangerous place to be.

So many of us won't change our mind, we just we said in its, we've low it some of us thrive it, I'm a person at one point in my life I thrived in the not showing up for myself but that's not a good thing, that's not a good way to thrive, what you have to do is really take inventory of your life and look at what are you doing to propel yourself forward and change comes in this process of the willingness to have these really intense drag conversations with yourself by getting really fucking real about who you are. If you wanna change your life you need to hear this, if you don't wanna change your life stop fucking and listening because this ain't gonna help you but if you're like man, I'm tired of bullshit relationships, I'm tired of bullshit jobs, I'm tired of bullshit self-talk, I'm tired of picking myself up off fucking ground every day, I'm tired not showing up for myself, I'm tired of not living into my capacity, I'm tired of being undervalued in the world, if you're tired of all the shit in your life and you've got to decide to make a change. You have to change your mind. You have to allow yourself this space to change your mind about who you are without doing so, nothing is going to be different and that's the ultimate fix mindset, that's the place.

I think about this all the time, how do you mitigate the risk of the rock bottom? Well to change your fucking mind like that's really what it comes down to, it's like change your mind. But the only way that you're gonna change your mind is by doing things differently than you knew them today and that can be uncomfortable, and it can be difficult, and it can be daunting and overwhelming and seem insurmountable and it can feel like there's absolutely no way on planet or that things are gonna be different and that's true, things will never be different, they will be insurmountable, they will be impossible unless you move, unless you act, unless you do something differently.

One of the things I'll suggest you right now is if you did not listen to the episode with Doctor Caroline Leaf called Cleaning Up your Mental Mess you need to go and do that, you need to go to thinkunbrokenpodcast.com and it's in the feature section and listen to her episode because she's gonna break down exactly why our brains do what they do and this education aspect of this conversation is unbelievably important.

So, let's say you're in this place you're starting to take some action and this has been my experience that you move through the fixed mindset it's not only just sitting and looking and making meaning of life and saying okay, I think this is possible, I think the real truth of having it hold true of a sitting in it, of it becoming a realization of who you are and self-actualize like if you wanna be who you're capable of being it's one thing to think it but you know as well as I do you're not gonna think yourself in the success, right? Now, does it help? Fuck, yeah, absolutely, you need to be thinking about what you're capable of doing, you need to certain instilling belief about things that you haven't even done yet.

I'll give you a perfect example when I decided to create Think Unbroken Podcast, I said to myself, I believe that I can not only be one of the best podcast hosts in the world but I believe that I can have a number one show. Now, I will say this we have not hit number one yet, we will, I don't know when but we will because I believe that we're capable of doing it, the team is in place, the guests are place, the content is place, you guys are here and so, now it's just a game against time, right? But I believe I can do that now if I came into this and I said to myself well what the fuck the point, nobody gonna listen. Well, almost a million downloads later we wouldn't be having this conversation and so you have to be willing to get out of the perfectionist mentality or this idea of enough and just go and execute, whatever that thing is in your life that you want because as you start to build confidence through creating change what happens is you start to recognize that it's okay; it's okay to not be the person you were yesterday. Are you willing to shed that person? Are you willing to leave that version of you behind? Are you willing to say you know what, that person doesn't bring me value, it's not that you don't love that version of you not that you don't care and have compassion and empathy and maybe even sympathy for that version of you but what it does mean and this is the really important aspect of this, what it does mean is that you have to come to terms that who you want to be tomorrow, you will not be able to be if you're still being the person you were yesterday.

And that's a reconciliation that you're going to have with yourself about yourself by simply sitting in the truth that you're allowing yourself the space to be different. You're allowed to change, I hope you change, I want you to change, you should embrace that shit, its fucking evolution, it is the human experience to be different, to grow like, literally at one point, I mean who knows what we were in the hundreds of millions of years ago yet here we are. And if human evolution can lead us to today then imagine where you can lead yourself through the willingness of having conversations about your capability. What you need to do you, you can't see it but there I have a whiteboard on the other side of this office, this right here and I can see it from here and it says at the top of the whiteboard and I'm gonna share this with frankly because this is a goal of mine over the course of the creation of my life, it says, I am a multi dollar business owner that matters to me, I believe I can have that one day not yet, I have not yet attained the skills, taken the actions, executed the game plans, learn the things to be learned and done the complete one eighty to get there but that's a part of it and underneath that it literally says, I already have the tools inside of me.

You have to believe that you already have the tools inside of you because you do that doesn't mean you don't need help to pull them out because I do that's why I have a coach, I have coaches, that's why I have conversations with amazing people because I even have to change my mind about what I'm capable of, I still have blocks, I still have limiting beliefs because like, I told you before T. D. Jakes as he says new levels, new devils and so the deeper that I get into this the more I'm just thinking about okay, what do I really have to do to change what I believe I'm capable of doing? Well, I need to bring in new information, podcasts, books, coaching courses, seminars, webinars, conferences, conversations, right? I need to make a game plan, whiteboard, journals, sticky notes like literally have sticky note here about something that I just figured out as was having a conversation with somebody, I need to bury these ideas in my head, I need to start journal and writing down what I want and I need to start giving myself the space to go deeper, deeper into changing what I believe I'm capable of by taking action.

People underestimate what you can do in a decade and look taking action and creating this change like these limiting self-beliefs that come from our parents, come from our community, our peers but most importantly ourselves can be reframe. It's very simple, neuroplasticity, there is a category on thinkunbrokenpodcast.com that says neuroplasticity and you can go and listen to some of the greatest minds on planet earth who talk about the process of changing your mind but it all starts with just believing that you can. You know, these amazing stories and experiences of people who had such incredibly not even just limiting beliefs but ideas about world, self and society, who made decisions to change in light of what they've been inundated with. You see it all the time, people who were members of like the fucking Nazi party or skin heads or radical or maybe they're leftist us or conservatives or right wing or liberal or whatever in between at some point they learned something and they made a decision to change their mind. And you see that happen with people who have survived trauma all the time, all the time I see it on myself, I see it in my clients, I see it in people that I just know through this experience of building Think Unbroken and the thing that every single person has in common was that they took an action against a belief that they had that began with a change in a shift in what they believe and who they believed that they are. And so, that's the truth.

You wanna change?

Change happens when you make change happen but you have to be okay with it, it's fine to change your mind, it's fine to not football anymore, to change your friend, to change your career, to change a relationship and change your diet, to change your habits, to change the things that you consume you, to change your worth in the marketplace, to change the education you consume like good, evolve, please because if you're not growing you're dying that's the truth about this. And I want you to grow, and I want you to evolve and I can't want it for you like let me rephrase that as much as I want it for you, I can't make it happen and so we can make all the podcasts and write all the books and create all the courses and do all the programs and all the things ever but if you don't execute against them, it's not going to work.

So, you have to ask yourself the famous question…

what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have?

And to be honest with you I think that it just simply starts with being okay with changing your mind and when people come and they say you're different, you say good, that was the fucking point.

Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening, my friends.

Please do me a favor go and leave a review of the show on iTunes or Spotify if you could it, it just helps so much in the algorithm, it helps so much and people being able to access and I'll tell you this, if you go and leave a review for the show on iTunes and you screenshot it and you put it on Instagram, I will have a five-minute phone call with you about anything on planet earth that you wanna talk about. All you need to do a screenshot it tag me @michaelunbroken with the episode that you're listening to and I'll skip my team, we'll reach out to you, we'll schedule a five minute phone call, we'll talk about anything that you want to whether you're stuck in some place, whether you wanna learn more about business or podcasting, whether you wanna find out more about trauma, whether you wanna learn about programs, whether you just wanna talk for five minutes because you're curious. All you have to do is just leave a review screenshot the review posted it on social Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest wherever tag @michaelunbroken and hashtag think unbroken and literally every single person that does this we'll schedule a five-minute phone call with you.

So, that said, my friends, have an amazing day.

Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.