In this episode, I will be joined by my friend Brian Covey, and there's probably honestly one of the most practical and tangible episodes in the history of this show step by step. Brian will lay out tools for stepping into creating and building the...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e314-how-to-actually-change-your-life-with-brian-covey-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes
In this episode, I will be joined by my friend Brian Covey, and there's probably honestly one of the most practical and tangible episodes in the history of this show step by step. Brian will lay out tools for stepping into creating and building the life you want to have.
This episode was phenomenal to listen to like, in person and in real-time, I'm going to listen to this again and take down notes like you; I'm always learning, and so when I get to have a mentor in my life, Brian, come on the show and to be able to sit here, invest into them, invest in myself with my time, effort, energy and learn is so powerful.
This is going to be a phenomenal episode. I highly recommend that you sit down with a pen and a piece of paper or your notebook or computer and listen to Brian's tools to layout this journey. His journey from overcoming some pretty major obstacles in his life to becoming a professional soccer player to now a leader in the personal development space.
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Michael: What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. Very excited be back with you with another episode with my friend and guest Brian Covey. Brian, my friend how are you? What is going on in your world today?
Brian: I'm doing awesome! This is great that we get to connect up, I know you're coming off a big weekend and we have to spend some time in Atlanta and love what you're doing. So, I’ll just say kick this off one it's an honor be on and be able to share some of my backstory and things that'll help people but I also think it's really cool that we get to share conversations like this and really make an impact on people that you may never hear about and really do good in the world which I think we need a lot more of.
Michael: Yeah. I couldn't agree more. And when we connected in Atlanta, I was like oh, man, I love your story, I love your mission, I feel like this audience the Unbroken Nation is going to really resonate with everything because it's such this beautiful story about overcoming at the adversity of life and people may look at you now and go oh, man like, I has everything he's got the family and the kids and you know he's on these big stages, he lives this ideal life and then I sit and I go that ain't how things work. So, Brian for those who do not know you, can you tell us a little bit about your back story and how you got to where you are today?
Brian: Yeah, love it. So, I was sort this is both of my parents worked and I grew up in Memphis Tennessee so there's Memphis, great barbecue by the way and I had an older brother, five years older than me and you think anybody it's the younger sibling you always follow around like you go where the older sibling goes. And so, I grew up on a soccer field and that's where a lot of my life lessons were taught, my dad coach, you know we went to church off, he is a Christian psychologist so, I had very interesting upbringing that'll come out some today that I'll share with you. My mom worked for the city and then we did kinda after school and all I found out in an early age like one, for me sports was an outlet because I was probably an aggressive kid, had a lot of energy and I needed somewhere to like put that energy because I could easily get into trouble for those guys out there that understand that like, if your energy is not directed in the right spot, it can very quickly turn into bad. I had some great mentors and coaches that shaped me at an early age.
Early in my life I had some big success and I end up actually making the Olympic team into the pool and my first setback in life was making it all the way to the pool and realizing I was one of probably fifty great athletes in the country and there were people better than me. And so, I actually got cut before the team went on to Japan that year and I remember back it was like a decision in my life that I still look back to this day of, I could have quit a lot of people you know that moment when you almost make it to the goal, you quit, that's what a lot of people do. And I said, you know what, I'm gonna keep working and I remember that single decision in my life would carry forward into other decisions and decisions I would make and how I just viewed life was and when you don't quit life actually gets better. And I would have regretted quitting in that moment because then I went on to play college soccer, professional soccer and is really shaped to am today where part of my character and who I am is when I've been faced with adversity in like two thousand seven, two thousand eight both of our first two kids were born, anybody that knows the real estate and housing market knows that it crashed probably the worse time to be in the industry and you know, by the way my wife and I living in Florida with no family and we had our first two kids, we had no idea what we were doing, least me our wife was phenomenal but I remember looking back and that was another pivotal moment in my life of and who am I gonna be as a dad? Now, I'm not a kid anymore, I'm not a teenager getting didn't cut from a team which, yes, that was important in the moment but that really was shaping me for later of, lost my job in Florida there's really nowhere to go, I have no family, I had another decision to make in my career and my career had, you know, like going up, up, up at that point like that's just what you think your career is gonna do, not the way it worked for me. And I was taught lessons in that moment of financial responsibility and I understood that you work for a company in that moment and they would replace me if I got fired and my job was eliminated, they would move on with them without me. I started to realize okay this pattern is creating in my life of what am I gonna do when I'm punched in the face of adversity hits me? So, with that we made a decision, I said you know what, I took whatever job they would give me, I called around, I did not quit again, I'm like what can I go, do I just volunteered for like ad hoc jobs within the company, I was like, I'll do whatever it takes, you know, getting moved back to Nashville and franklin where we live now and I will say that was another turning point in my life and a shaped who I am today because in that moment a lot of people if you lose your job or something tragic happens there again, you can retreat and you can go back but I made a decision in that moment and I'd love to tell you that it all just worked out perfect and all these things happened and all of that but like that's not the way it works. I spent literally the next five to six years rebuilding everything from credit, saving up money again because all our savings was gone in the crash and all of our wealth that we had built and so, I started over. You know, it's a very humbling experience to realize you can have it all and in an instant, it could be taken away if you're not prepared. So, fast forward about five years ago is working for a great organization this was the third turning point, I say pivotal moment my life there's really been a catalyst for who am today is I'm working for a great team, I think everything's going well top performer and I get a call, I'll never forget Cinco de mayo and one of the leaders of mentors looked up to said, hey, Brian, you're just not a fit anymore, we're gonna go a different direction, we don't really need your services anymore. Okay, I've seen this before in my life and I'll be honest, I was on my knees praying, crying, worried at that point we had just had now our third child and so, like what do I do as a father and a provider? How in the world do I tell my wife? One, because I'm embarrassed all the emotions are going and then two, I'm not gonna do. And I remember someone asked what's your plan b? And this actually changed my mindset about life in general if I've moved forward is I had no plan b, there was nothing, I was all in on that. Fast forward, five years later a lot of work, a lot of coaches, a lot of inside work that I had been putting off and not done that forced me to go take a look at what does success look like for Brian and his family? What is that I really wanna do? What's my calling? And how can I live life not about me but about other people and use my gifts and talents that I believe I do have and God's given me, how I gonna use those. And so, I started to create a life there's actually worth living, I stopped living for a paycheck, living for a job, living for career promotions and I figured out what was really important to me and my wife and our family? And I share all of those because those were three really pivotal little moments in my life that I've had others that have happened but those shaped how I think where I am in today, I'm a different man because of it and still in the journey learning and I'd love to tell you there's not setbacks or things that you know don't happen but they do but I'm more prepared for them and I know how to act. So, that's a little bit of my story of what's happened there probably relates to a lot of people that have been through ups and downs and you've had some wins, you've had some losses and I'm still here, I'm still in the game.
Michael: Yeah. And I think you have to be willing to take the losses like you're gonna take some L's like that's shit's gonna happen, there's nothing you can do about it like, no one is undefeated, you know what I mean? Not in life, career, relationships, family, community like you're always going to have to learn through those failures. One of the things you mentioned when we started that this weekend, I had a ton of things going on and one of the things that sat with me probably more so than ever in my life is this idea about going all in and just hearing again and again these stories of all the people that mentor me, my mentors Grand Cardone, Tom Bilyeu, being able to hear them go, man, I remember when we were shopping at Costco when our credit was four, fifty when we had no money when are you know we sold our car in our house to make our dreams come true and I was sitting there Brian hearing this and absorbing it maybe just because the energy was different maybe I'm in a different place in my life and just thinking to myself, man, the only time people are truly successful is when even if they're back as against the wall they continue to go all in and don't quit. Well, what I'd love for you to dive in is talk about your experience with that and how that shaped your life?
Brian: Yeah. If I go back, seven zero eight was interesting because you know still relatively young, we were around, thirty years old that time two kids and you realize it's not just about you and when you're backs against the wall and it's just you it's different, I would say than when it's you and you're married and you have kids, right? So, I've learned that and I remember like having a lot of things like we had the house, we had the cars and all that stuff that was over leveraged, we had way too much that we had really not planned for, it's very humbling when you're living off credit cards and when you're borrowing money out of this account and you're having to pay this to pay that and I remember literally, I will never forget this, I writing down my budget on a piece of paper and going back to like almost an envelope type system and like budgeting down to like the pennies and the dollars and it makes you realize in that moment if you haven't been there you don't know the feeling of like, you don't know where your next paychecks coming from in a way, although you're working and you've got these things there like how am I gonna make this next bill? How am I going to create a life that I've dreamed up for my family? But I'm looking at this going like, I'm like negative in the balance, I have nothing saved u. So, you've really experienced and people talk about it a lot and I don't open up about it as much because it was a painful season for us, you know, but as I hear more people open up it's like dude, I think we've hoping through that at some point, to get to the other side because unless you've been at rock bottom and you've had like no money and you're figuring out like how do I borrow from here to get to there and you're becoming resourceful is one of the greatest skills in life that there's enough resources out there it's just are you willing to go get them and starting at the bottom there's something to that because I look back to it now and their fundamentals and principles that I only learned during in their seasons that I now have and they say, when you make more money, you have more money it just actually puts a magnifying glass on your priorities and who you are, it doesn't solve all your problems, right? Like, people just gonna make more money it's gonna solve my problems, well if you have issues over here, issues over there just mag magnifier it, so that was a financial lesson that I needed to learn and unfortunately sometimes we learn it the hard way and I look back to that one. The thing I know now, I wasn't investing in myself properly lesson the number one. Number two, I wasn't taking the right risk and number three had a spending problem like truly, I was spending things money on things that I want impress people and all of that they you hear about to impress people really didn't care and it wasn't gonna help me get further in life and I wish I had those lessons earlier because those were learned the hard through that. So, if I can impart that on anyone as investing in yourself as one of the best ways for you to actually make growth and actually generate more wealth and success and fulfillment in your life. And then two and I've spending money on stuff that just doesn't matter, I look back now, none of that mattered. And then three like actually have a budget, be smart about the risk you take and understand where you're going that would be the financial lessons that was taught to me. Most people unfortunately don't get to learn those we learn in school, right? We don't really pick that up unless it's life.
Michael: Yeah. One of the reasons I hated school, I just felt like, I was always in this position of not actually learning things that were applicable to the life that I was living. And one of the things like you, I could not agree with those three things more because I found myself when I was in my mid-twenties, I was making six figures working for fortune ten then I was forty grand in debt working two jobs, right? Spending, buying stuff there's no way ever, I have none of that stuff anymore not the biggest bluray correction you've ever seen in your life, nonsense, right? Then I think about that I look at those moments, I go, men, everything changed and I don't know if it's held true for you so, I'm curious. Everything changed for me when I started investing in myself what was that like for you? I ask you this for what was the catalyst for the decision to start investing in yourself?
Brian: So, my story is a little different here. The dads will be able to align with this probably is I look back my first two kids, I sacrifice time, I wasn't there, I traveled because I gave my heart and soul to corporate America, so for anybody it's been on the road and knows what that's like you're away it's hard on your spouse. And I remember watching this video it come up and I think there's divine moments that happened in our life, I believe that and one of my mentors and coaches actually showed up and I don't remember how we got connected to be know when you see that video and there's like a tugging at your heart and you're like, I don't know what it is, I don't know what this is, I take an introductory call and I talk to this gentleman. And I remember talking in the program like man, this is awesome that's what I need, this is for married businessman that run businesses, they've got kids and they're struggling with like; how do you integrate? How do you balance life like, how do you do all these things? And actually, show up me a dad and not end up being divorced, not end up filing bankruptcy, not end up just failing, right? It things that you wanna be successful at and I remember was like it's ten thousand dollars and I didn't had ten thousand dollars, didn't have it and I was like, hey, can I do like a payment plan? Like, I can put it on my credit card, I'll figure out a way to pay you but do I need this, I'm coachable, I've been an athlete, I think what like you're gonna teach me is gonna help me and I can help other people and I wanna go, I wanna be part of this. And I'll never forget committing to it which required me to fly away, go for an entire weekend, those of you probably know some of these men's group, I mean it was more physical, mental but also spiritual healing that need to take place for myself. I found a way again be resourceful, I found a way to make it work and spending that money I'll never forget, how scared as hell to tell my wife because you don't have money and you go tell your wife you're gonna invest in yourself? It's not an easy conversation. That for me is I look back change the trajectory of my entire life and that was just five years ago by the way and so, I dabble, this is what I call dabbling it's like, I would invest a hundred dollars for seminar maybe, I'd get crazy one time and it's spent five hundred bucks and go somewhere just be clear that's not investing in yourself, if that's how little you think of yourself that's the little bit of return you will get which is zero. When I started putting real money and sacrifice and putting things where there were consequences and it was on the line my life changed. From then ten thousand dollars seems like a drop in the hat and I mean be arrogant, I just needed it to be when I got serious and invested in myself and I saw what the output in the return would be on that? I never looked back, I never looked back and that was the experience a moment for me that changed everything. And then when I got back to Nashville, I found a coach and since then worked with several coaches in different seasons different things that I'm working on in myself that I've personally hired and spent more money than I could've have imagined and been able to give money to charities and places that I never could have imagined and that's what I tell people is, try to out invest yourself, you can't do it, you can't do it you put in the work.
Michael: Yeah, man. I resonate with that so much. I remember the first time I cut a check for five figures for a conference, I was like this is terrifying and in that moment the terror honestly Brian, the terror was this idea that you know, I come from nothing, so, many people listen this show right now they don't have a dollar to their name and like, I get it, I was homeless as a kid, I stole food to survive, I found myself in massive debt in my twenties after working myself into something and that first time I was shaking because I was like, dude, I'm so scared, I'm so scared and then what happened was I learned something really important, something that you just touched on. Those courses for ninety-seven dollars for two nineties, I never did anything with them, like I mean, I probably have thirty-seven kajabi course, you know, like, I never did anything. But when I invested men, I cannot tell you how hard I went on like, let's make sure we get this done and I stepped into it with this identity notion of like, I'm willing to be coach because I think so many people, I don't know if you experience this or not and where I wanna go with this trying to understand how we can help people navigate this? I think so many people are relying on these programs to change their lives and they just don't, that's not how it works. You have to show up, you have to do the work and there's a handful, there's a segment of people where they're looking to say well, I tried, it didn't work for me. And what I'm curious about is why does this work for you? Why has investing in yourself actually works because I know there people right now who listening this won't by a nine-dollar book and I get it because I used to be that guy but I know the impact and power of this, so why does investing actually work for you?
Brian: So, as I look back, you know, I've got I think a little bit of an advantage in the sense of I was an athlete and I recognize the great coaches demanded the most out of me and I put the most work in, there were sacrifices made, at that time it wasn't money, it was time, it was the coaches that I didn't just do the regular practice, I did the extra, I went out and trained and it's string training and extra running and all of that stuff, whole other story but overweight is an early teenager and had to battle through some of that. And so, what I realized though is then later in life why it works for me now as I changed my mindset and that sounds simple, I'm gonna break that down, I’m not gonna leave that, I want you to actually see what's underneath that, what that means for me is I started to make daily decisions for the person that I wanted to become. I want to become this great dad, I want to become this great husband, I want to become this great leader and there are daily decisions that I recognized in my life couldn't get there on my own because if I could, I would have done it, right? Like, if I could figure it out by myself, I would be doing something different than I am today. So, one recognizes you can't get there by yourself.
Two, realizing that all of the greats the people that we really go, wow they are doing some things that I'd like to do. Recognizing that no man is perfect but recognizing that they do have advantages and they've learned the lessons they have knowledge that maybe you don't have today. I recognize I didn't have that knowledge but I wanted it, I wanted to get there faster I knew coaches in my life, it helped me accomplish that before. So, when I changed my mindset, I got down to very basic what am I gonna do today and cast votes, actions? Fitness for me was a foundation it just a day, it has been a foundation for early in the morning, I recognize I need to do something mentally and physically difficult, challenge myself, break a sweat, do something gonna challenge me because it's gonna require me become a person and make a decision and vote for the person that I wanna become, underneath that as you start to make these decisions your confidence starts to grow and what I recognize was when you start to involve yourself in coaching then you start to change the people that you're around, you start to have different conversations and you will start to attract people in your life that are on the same mission and the same goal. The problem for most of us is the reason why we stay where we are is because we stay around people that are okay with being average, it's why they're investing in a ninety seven dollar course thinking it's gonna change their life, it’s why you're still hanging around the same people to five years ago and then today they're doing the same thing and complaining about the same they were then, until you change your surroundings and the people you're with and you really commit you were not changing your life. I thought, I was look guy, I thought I was I had some success but five years ago, I can tell you when I made the decision and I went all in and went this direction ever since then it's been like stacking like building a house, you get better, you get more confidence, you get in a better room with people that have knowledge and experience. And so, what I would share with anyone is you have to make the first decision today and commit to the person you wanna become. You can't change what's in your past and as soon as I got clear on that is I can't go back I can only go forward my focus is forward, what am I doing today. And this is a tip that I would tell you is, I lack onto to this concept that helped me through difficult decisions which you're all gonna have your emotions are gonna wanna get in charge versus your actions. So, I chose actions over feelings but I reduce the amount of time like a between a decision and an action meaning if I say i'm gonna eat healthier my next meal better be healthy, if I said I'm gonna walk and do exercise, I'm gonna go walk right now, if I said I'm gonna make more sales calls today, I'm doing them now, I don't wait for tomorrow, I don't wait for next week that concept helped me because even though sometimes I didn't get it a hundred percent right, I'm not perfect it pushed me forward to take action and I will tell you that's worth the price of admission right there because I still use that today as a positive trigger; go, Brian, you said you're gonna do this, you need to go do it now, don't wait, if you wait things will happen less likelihood it will happen. Go do it now, and that's what coaching is it's gonna push you outside your comfort zone. You still have to do the work, no one's coming to save you, no one's coming and the work for you, I will tell you on the other side of coaching is people that will come alongside you and challenge you and bring out greatness in you that you didn't know you had. So, I'm a believer and I recognize the work I've put in, you know, I know it and I can recognize other people.
Michael: Yeah, same. I mean you know, it's funny because I look at the rooms that I'm in the circles that I'm in and like being in a room with you and I think to myself, what's really funny about these rooms we may have paid a tremendous amount of money, we may even be sitting on the stage that night but we're all sitting there with our notebook, learning, incredible. I mean, I was in a room with a billionaire recently and he was just taking notes, I was like this is unbelievable and I was on Facebook and I'm not typically on their other than the post but I posted something I saw someone in my feed who I've been friends with ish for you know fifteen years and I looked at their post and they're doing the same damn thing that we were doing when were eighteen years old. And I thought to myself for a moment of my man, I'll always love this person, I will always have a great sense of admiration for this person but I'm not hanging out with this person because you can't, because the moment you say man, when I’m this conference, I invested, I showed up, I've got a coach, they go why? And I go, good for you, I'm glad that you did, I'm glad that you're here, taking control of your life because the truth is every single time, I've tried to do this on my own dude, I have crashed and burns so damn hard or I'm like shit man, what am I doing? And I'll tell you this, I've read seven hundred books in the last decade and none of those have been as impactful as sitting in a conversation with someone and then being like look this is the baseline, this is the road map, this is the thing that you need to do. As you've been in this journey what do you think are kind of the key pillars or cornerstone that you've learned about yourself that are possibly transferable to those listening right now?
Brian: You know, one is the energy you put out is, I believe in a law of attraction, it's happened in my life so many times that I just I believe it and I know it to be true. And for many of us the energy we're putting out is why we're not attracting the right people in our life but you can make a choice today like right now you can attract the right people. And it's funny because the other day I'm looking with a friend at their Instagram feed and Facebook feed they're complaining about and I said well, dude I love my feed because I choose I snooze people that are negative, I snooze different people I have taken control of that because I recognize the input that I put into my mind and my body matters, it's what comes out of me whatever I pour into my cup is what's gonna come out of it.
And so, for anybody listening is you need make some tough decisions about who you choose to surround yourself with because you're creating a life based on the choices that stack up every day. And the biggest one for me and what you can do today is who do you allow to have space in your life that you listen to? And right now, we have this culture that's like you know we love to hate on things and to put things down and talk about all like look, I only have so much energy in the day and I wanna talk with people that are doing things and talking about where we're gonna go and how we're gonna change lives and make the world better. I recognize their problems, I'm not ignorant to the fact that that's happening but I'm not gonna sit around and complain about it and I'm not gonna sit around and talk about stories that don't have things that are relevance to me. And so, you start cutting out nonsense and useless time, you do that by choosing the people you're around, you do that by choosing the content which you choose to consume and I started picking people. So, huge for me, I get a shout out at Ed Mylett was a big one through my journey last several years and you know folks like, Gary Vaynerchuk, Grant Cardone, I chose people that I allowed to come in my life, I said, you know what they're gonna make me better. When I listen to what they say, it resonates, I can take an action from this, you can do that today and guess what? Last time, I check it's free like that part's free. Now to invest at the next level I would challenge you to find one commitment you can make this year, ask around and plenty of us would tell you based on where you are and where you wanna go this is the one conference, I believe in person is where you need to invest you need to go and get in the rooms with people because you're one person away from a breakthrough in your life, you don't know who that one person gonna be it's happened to me over and over every conference I go to by the way, I'm just one person I feel like it's ten people like when we met I go, we're gonna do something, that's one connection because you showed up. So, find the one place you can invest this year and if money is tight for you, I get it but you know what the way the world works today is you might have access to credit or you might have people that believe in you and might even sponsor you or figure out a way to help you get there. Set your excuses aside and figure out how you can get in the room and commit to it and then you'll find a way. I found every time when I've committed, I'll find a way but it's typically the commitment that we struggle with and then we'll find the resources to get there.
Last one I would share with you is you give yourself some grace.
A lot of us are too freaking hard in ourselves in our past and are upbringing, in stories we keep telling ourselves and the things that are there and this can be day one for you to start over. I know it sounds cachet, you've probably heard it before and all that but I believe it to be true, I've done it my own life. You can start where you are today and define what success looks like for you and that's what matters is what is success in your life. You wanna be a great dad, you gonna wanna be a great husband, you wanna spend more time with your kids, do you wanna travel more, do you want make more money, do you wanna speak on stages, whatever it is define success so clearly when someone asks you what successes you can tell them and it's clear and you own it and it will motivate you in the times that you're down, you're not feeling it, you're not in that mood because guess what happens to all of us and I believe when you do those actions, those alone are very simple those three I just gave you; you can do them today and they will move you forward. And then what I found is I put myself in rooms and I've invested and then I've actually committed and redefined success along the way is and a lot of times I'm not thinking big enough and you're gonna find opportunities in your own life that you can level up here in this stacking principle that I always call about compounding time is you're gonna be able to do more in the amount of time that you actually invest and do things and you ever thought possible because your capacity grew, you're not gonna do it alone. So, that my inspiration is I'm no different than anybody listening out there, I just put in the work and I'm committed to a better version of myself and I'm always going to be a student, learning because I recognize I don't know at all.
Michael: I don't know anything.
Brian: So, there's a field that way and like start over.
Michael: You know, it is, it does, it feels like every day is starting over. You know, I wanna touch on a couple of things like even the music you put into your ears impacts you, I mean, I was driving a couple weeks ago, I was like man, I haven't listened to that Drake album in a long time and I put it on, I'm like damn crying in the car, I'm emotional, I'm remembering this breakup up I went through, this is like a decade ago man, I'm like we're ain't listening to a drake for a minute this is out, right? And so, I'm like what do I need to do? What do you need to put in your ears in your eyes and your heart and your mouth to be able to find yourself to be successful? And I think it's so easy to get caught up in the fear of it all, right? We always talk about fear, we've talked about fear on the show million times but I look at it like this, you know even I did this thing that you brought light to that I think is incredibly important in our journeys is how small we think, how small we think because you look at people and you go, I'll never be able to do that and I'm like are you sure because they're dumb as I am and somehow they figured it out, so what need to do, what do you need to bring, who do you need to bring in your life to be able to manifest that. And look, it's not about being a billionaire, it's not about owning a plane, it's not about who you want to be.
You know, I think the most important thing people have to remember is success is defined as by what you want success to be defined as.
You know, for many of us myself included coming from trauma, coming from abuse, being in this mindset that we're not good enough, strong enough, capable enough, it leaves us trapped. And you brought up this word grace and I wanna go back to it because I really don't think people heard you and I heard you because I'm sitting here and I’m like that word has been so impactful in my life then I'd love for you to dive in a little bit deeper into the role that it's played and what grace has actually meant for you?
Brian: Now, well, a principle I live by is love God and love people and that's a guiding light for me to be this lighthouse in a world that is dark at times and there's things that happen and we never know who we can impact but it starts with us. And grace is not earned, you don't have to earn, it's freely given to you. The challenge for most of is we don't accept it, we don't believe we're worthy of it, we don't believe that we could actually be forgiven for things that we've done and move forward and people will see us for who we are. And I think grace, you know, I have buddy wrote a song here, about grace wins and I always think about grace is your best friend, your spouse, the people you love the most, think about how often you've forgiven them and how often they've forgiven you and we've all done things, I look back and go, man, I wish I could take that back, right? Happens almost every day but grace is giving yourself permission to move forward towards a better life and a better version of yourself and realizing you can't do anything to earn it, it's just freely given. So, I would challenge you today to accept it because once you can accept grace for what it is, you're gonna understand that you were created for something bigger and greater and all of the trials and tribulation everything you've been through I believe God has done that for you, not to you and that is your story and your impact that now you've been given an opportunity experiences like no one else that your gifts and your experience is culminated together is what will make a difference in the world. It's why your story has impacted meaning and it touches our heart, we don't sit here but there's not a lot of new ideas shared out there, it's be real like, we hear the same stuff, it's just reset differently repackage by a different person. Grace will change your life; you accept it and understand that you're loved and that you actually have a purpose here. Now it's just time for to live it man, go live it, don't hold back.
Michael: When you're at war with yourself, how do you navigate that?
Brian: It's tough, dude I've been there a lot and I recognized I'll get kinda of tactical on this so, I think that's what I'll help people to help me is there were triggers in my life when I would have like, battles like when my anger would come out or I would get frustrated or I would think negatively about myself like negative self-talk. Our subconscious is a lot more powerful than me think. So, I remember back my dad's a psychologist so there's a lot of things that I went back to that I wish I learned as a kid that I'm able to ask and I'm learning.
Our brain is very powerful we think about over eighty ninety percent of the thoughts are repeated typically negative, we've all heard that. So, think about is that the frame of what we're working with, what if you were able to program in and start your day with positive thoughts, right? I'm not told I get a run around positive affirmations, hit new chest and all that stuff. I started to recognize triggers, when did I get frustrated? Where was that, by who, what frustrated me, what triggered me there and how was I responded? Well, I had learned a really cool tool and skill as an athlete which was visualization, right? So, as you don't know about you would visualize a game basically, the plays what would happen and all the things there. Well, I started to tactically visualize in my day and my life things that we're going wrong when I get mad, when I get frustrated and I would visualize myself responding as a better person. I'm not gonna get frustrated that moment, when someone says something that triggers me, here's how I'm gonna choose to respond, I started to reprogram my brain which we all can and I started to think about self-awareness when does it happen, why does it happen, what's my better response? And over time it's like a muscle, it gets better and so what I'd say is I have those self-battles they still happen today, the triggers don't go away, let's be clear like, I still have moments in my day where I get frustrated or angry but that time again I shortened the window of okay, here's what my response is gonna be, I'm gonna be calm in that moment, I'm not gonna over react, I'm gonna move this way, I feel myself talking negatively or feeling like I'm not worthy of an opportunity which by the way happened I was offered to speak at some event I was like my first reaction I'm not do it, immediately catch yourself, you have to be aware of it to reprogram the next step which is you know what, there is a reason why I'm there, thank you, I am honored to do that, I will step up to the plate because I think it might, even can Jocelyn shared this is you know God doesn't call the qualified he qualifies the call and so, I'm like god you've called me to do something, I don't know what it is but if you're saying this is an opportunity I feel like where need to go, I'm gonna show up for many of us we just gotta show up and put the work in and allow ourselves to be great versus cutting off and saying no or not taking action we know we need to. So, for me that's where some of the tactical practical stuff I do is self-awareness and reprogram the brain so, I know how I'm gonna respond better and how I choose to respond.
Michael: Yeah, I love that and to add another layer committing to those big goals. You know one of the things that I declared early on this year said we're gonna do three and sixty five episodes this year we haven't missed a day and so much and trust me it is not easy, I promise you and the thing about it as you look at that and you go, alright, commit to the life you wanna have, commit to the life that you wanna have, build the community in that life and make sure you guys are connected and on the same page because you know I think about this man, if I don't reach out to you, if I don't get on that plane, if I don't travel, if I'm up there in that room we're not having this conversation, right? And it's about committing to these dreams, to these goals while also simultaneously being what I believe probably the most important aspect of this is being incredibly patient. I don't know about you but I've never successfully done anything, first, tenth, twentieth hundredth of attempt, it's taking me years and years and years to get to where am and I sit and I look at it go man, where else can I go? How big can we get? And we get we got stuck because these false narratives that become our beliefs are ingrained and groomed into us in our youth and as adults, we're sitting here having to face the reality that unless we go and look at ourselves in the mirror nothing's gonna be different. And for me one of the major catalysts of my journeys is you know three hundred and fifty pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep and massive debt and when I looked in the mirror and I said, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And that kinda of ties into where you were a little bit ago, I asked myself every single day now, who do I need to be today for tomorrow? And that's become this really powerful catalyst in this journey.
I know that there are people listening right now who are probably like yeah, but you guys figured out something I haven't figured out, what would you say to them?
Brian: One, is yes, we have which is the fact that we took action when we didn't feel like it, we were fearful, we had all the same emotions that you have, the differences we actually committed and took the action. And so, the knowledge and information are out there, it is. Think about today like people we just shared, you could go listen to them, you could consume all their content every day. Problem is until you take action and commit and have a clear vision and understand where you're going and you've defined success, you're gonna stay in the same spot that you are today, it's why you are where you are, it's why I was where I was for several years, I just repeated the same year and it was there. And so, say yes we've done something different, do we know something different than you? Wish I could tell you there was some life hack or some huge secret to success, I think as you listen back to everything I've shared. I've been through more things than we've even shared today that if I had figured out, guess what? I wouldn't make all the mistakes that I still make today. So, I don't have anything like superpower or anything figured out. What I have figured out though is surrounding myself a great people, being a student of the game and committing to a better version of myself realizing that I was created to do something bigger than what I'm doing today, I believe that that's why I'm still on the earth, that's why I'm here today, I'm gonna show up as that person man because people need me. And a friend of mine share this, you can't pour from an empty cup and I was brought up and I was told it was selfish to take care of myself, to go do these self-improvement things, to go spend money and time and like you're taking time away from somebody else, right? Like we were taught this is and you gonna take care of everybody else, if you take care of everybody else it'll take care of you. I actually believe that's true; I've shifted my mindset on that too. When I started to take care of myself mentally, physically, spiritually, all those areas I was a better version of me, for the people I cared about the most. So, until you're willing to commit and invest in yourself what's coming out of your cup is the same toxic BS that you've had, it's the same stuff, you got to replace it, you gotta make it better, you've got to improve that. And every day it's a gradual process and that's when I go back to give yourself some grace because every day, you're gonna have some wins, you're gonna have some things I still have them today. I look back and go man, I could have done that better, I wish I'd show up better in that situation why did I make that decision faster? When you become aware of the decisions you have more opportunities you create a life that's worth living. And so, I would stop playing games and messing with yourself and thinking that somebody has something, I used to believe this as well that they were just lucky or they didn't work hard, they just happen to have an opportunity land in their lap or something, hit for them, no man. People are successful work hard, straight up the people that I'm around I walked the hours the amount of effort and energy they put in, they work hard until you're willing to put in the energy and effort and commit you're gonna stay in the same spot.
Michael: Yeah, well said and that's why I created this show because I thought to myself what is my mission? I wanna end generational trauma in my lifetime through education and information. And I look at so much of this about being like, here it is for you, right here listen to what Brian said, listen to what all these amazing human beings have been on this show had to say because there's tools here, that's why it's practical like, I don't ever bring people on the show who cannot give someone a tool because I think that's so important because we're letting you circumvent trust me, if I could get all my money and all my time back from having to do all the things I've done man, that would be amazing but I can't so, I send it myself, who and what can I give to the Unbroken Nation audience that can help change their life because ultimately, I mean, yes, we're gonna tell you all day long get in the room, get in the room, get on the room but if you put this in your ears long enough, if you pay attention this long enough, if you show up long enough your life will be incredibly different and that's the goal, that's the purpose, that's the mission because like you, I don't know anything anyone else doesn't know, I just show up and it's scary sometimes especially when you get in those five figures, especially when I'm gonna be on six planes in three days, especially when you start doing those things but the reward you get and go look in the mirror and be okay with who you are, then I think ultimately that's the thing that we seek the most. Brian this conversation been absolutely incredible my friend before I ask you my last question can you tell everyone where they can find you?
Brian: Yeah, oh man, it's been an honor and thank you, it's great to share things that are from real battle tested life experiences. So, I would love to connect up www.briancovey.com pretty easy, over on Instagram, it's @thebriancovey because money had my name which is always fun and I would love to hear more of your journey connect up do read my Dm’s and comments there and would love to support your journey.
Michael: Amazing my friend. Of course, we'll put the links in the show notes for everyone who checks out thinkunbrokenpodcast.com. My last question for you my friend is what does it mean to you to be unbroken?
Brian: What a powerful word know thinking about that before we came on and just the title and everything and Unbroken in my life has been times that I wanted to quit and in times that I probably did quit mentally a little bit in the situation and just wanted to throw in the towel and give up and it would have been easier,life could have been different you know just to quit in the moment and have regrets later that I would have paid for probably more so, I look at unbroken as all of us are gonna be challenged in different ways, your story and my story we may have a lot more in common than we ever thought as you listen this today but the reality all gonna to face challenges going forward like not even in our past but going forward. And to be unbroken means you're going to show up every day as your best version yourself, you're not gonna quit on that better version of you because one day I believe we're gonna meet our maker, we're gonna meet God and he's gonna ask us what we did with our talents and our gifts and our opportunities in this life to make an impact on people. And Unbroken to me to continue on the mission and to inspire and encourage and be a lighthouse, be a beacon of hope for people to show them that I've been broken down to a point where I wanted to quit and throw in the towel and everything you can imagine there and more that we didn't even cover today. You're created for a reason and to be unbroken means you're gonna show up another day, you're gonna show up and be your best self and so commit to that person the world needs you, your family, your friends, the people you love, they need you, it's showing up unbroken doesn't mean that you're perfect, it means you show up as you are who you are and give your gifts back that's what we were called to do and support other people. So that'd be my message on man, just use what you have and the experience is for good the world needs more of that.
Michael: Brilliant said my friend and I couldn't agree more.
Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening.
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Soccer Pro, Soccer Dad, Family Man, Wealth Advisor, Speaker, Author, Top-Rated Podcast Host & Creative Disrupter
How do you go from pro soccer player to VP of one of the largest mortgage companies in America – more importantly what did he learn along the way, the answer is A LOT!
Once an Olympic USA Soccer Player, Brian quickly learned how to get “cut” and literally… get cut. Fitness and mindset became masteries for Brian very early as his career was affected by the 2007 market crash just years after his soccer team days came to an end, right when he was raising toddlers with his wife Nicole.
Brian has mastered the art of a growth mindset, the art of winning, and the art of staying fit. He believes in integration and health over all things. Brian is an executive at loanDepot, a proud father, an influencer, a top rated podcaster and, just simply, a fabulous soccer dad. He throws the suit down and coaches his daughters league with joy several times a week. It’s Brian’s mission with his new book, “Conversations with Covey”, to highlight some of the most incredible stories he’s gotten to share on his podcast, the Brian Covey Show.
Its all about balance!