In this episode, I am joined by my friend Jessica Brothers, a lifestyle coach who's an incredible human being who will lay out the structure and strategy for creating the life you want to have. In fact, creating a 10X life which I'm sure you saw as...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e288-how-to-10x-your-life-with-jessica-brothers-cptsd-and-mental-health-coach/#show-notes
In this episode, I am joined by my friend Jessica Brothers, a lifestyle coach who's an incredible human being who will lay out the structure and strategy for creating the life you want to have. In fact, creating a 10X life which I'm sure you saw as the title of this episode. Jessica and I connected through Grant Cardone's next community and immediately clicked, running into each other at the event and after the event.
Today, we're going to talk about the importance and the empowerment of investing in yourself, getting a coach, and creating non-negotiable in your life and ultimately learning how to show up for yourself to be the person that you know you’re capable of being and the most challenging thing that we do being the hero of our own story.
This is an amazing conversation for me because I get to sit down with someone, I consider a very close friend. I know Unbroken Nation that you would take so much from her experience, story, and how she's overcome so many of the hurdles of life to become that hero in her own story.
Thank you for being here, Unbroken Nation.
We appreciate you, and without further ado.
Let's get into this show.
Learn more about Jessica Brothers at: https://www.jessicabrothers.com/
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Michael: Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. I'm very excited to be back with you with another episode with my great friend Jessica Brothers. Jessica, my friend how are you today?
Jessica: I am fantastic Michael, thank you for having me, I'm excited to the here.
Michael: Yeah. I'm excited to have you here. You know, I get very, very enthralled by the idea of having friends on my show. When I get to have people on who I think are impactful, change makers when I get to have people on who I feel like can too to some degree and you are definitely one of those people I've put into that category. And so, very excited to sit down and have this conversation and talk about your journey but have some parlay in some back and forth here. But for those of you who do not know you tell a little bit about your backstory story and how you got to where you are today?
Jessica: Oh boy, yeah, absolutely! My name is Jessica Brothers, I am in a health wellness industry I've been in it for over twenty years now I come from a background graphic design and I found my journey of health and wellness honestly to help myself I struggled a ton with my own fitness, my own health. And still, today I'm constantly learning but when I realized the power that we have to change who we are in the perspective of who we are through fitness, through eating, through what we balance into our lives to our mindset. I want to teach everyone what how they use that power, how to bring that power alive and that's why I am here today talking with you and it's why I do what I do, for sure.
Michael: I'd heard it before but recently it kinda sat with me this quote that says turn your mess into your mission. And I feel like, that's incredibly true about my experience and so, I can't help but asked was there a mess in advance of this that I throwing this into your mission?
Jessica: Oh, is an understatement Michael, it was like a tornado on I was caught in the center of it. It's just like, everything was happening around me and I felt like, I was out of control and the more out of control I felt, more angry I felt and the more I felt I did, the more I felt like it slipped through my fingers at the same time, you know, up until I was twenty three, that's when the pivotal point happened and I can share the story of that pivotal point because so, I remember it like it was yesterday but it was a mess and a half man and I realized that I had created that mess and I had to take responsibility for it, I was blaming everything else for it and and that's why I felt really out of control.
Michael: Yeah. And you're welcome to share it, I mean that's based on your comfort level.
Jessica: Yeah. So, you know, I've been in the gym pretty much my whole life; my uncle owns a gym and I remember at like, nine years old he taught me how to do a bicep girl and I was like, yes! I love this and I used to watch the aerobics instructors, this is back in the eighties. Do their thing, up on stage with their leg warmer that like, I wanna do that one day. And fitness like, the gym always I loved it, I love the atmosphere so, I was always in the gym, I remember being like, twelve years old getting up early in the morning, going for a run, coming back and doing sit ups on my living floor. I remember my family looking at me like, I was weird, I was always looked at like, I was the weird one. But fast forward to, I turned twenty-one and I was in a very ugly part of my life, it was my black hole I called it. I was drinking a lot and I had drunk until I was twenty-one really, I had never done drugs at all until I was twenty-one and it all piled on so fast and I was living a fast life with people that I only seem to appear two shits about me. But it was fun, right? I felt like, I was part this something for the first time in my life so, I didn't care of what I was doing, how it was making me feel because for the first time my life I'm like wow I'm part of a crowd and that's something I've always wanted be like, part of a crowds that always felt like the outsider. But I woke up one day and I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror and I ended up going to Dojo. And I found myself in this dojo and the master came up to me and said have you ever practiced martial arts? And I said, no. So, I got into martial arts, love the discipline the first time my life I ever started practicing discipline because before this point me was like, oh, my god that's no fun like, I wanna be a free as bird, do whatever I want, this point sucks, you know, that's a boring life was the first time I had taste discipline, I was like, wow actually discipline you too much more freedom. And I got my black belt super proud of that but after classes I used to go down the basement when there was a bag down there punching too bag and I would just play around and punch back. And one day there was a coach down there, I didn't know he was a coach but I was just playing around it goes, you mind if I show you a few things? And of course, I said, yes.
And long story short, I got to train with him, I was a natural kick boxing fighter, he got me into some competitions and my very last competition now mind do, I was a very angry person and I thought not because I was compared the person which I was but because I was angry, I honestly want to hit things. And my last competition I remember but it was as close to a blackout as I could remember during my fighting career, I guess and the fight was over, I won and I had hurt them pretty badly. And I remember that feeling they end up in the hospital and something a wave came over me feel like right now it feels stick to my stomach and a voice told me Jessica, you have so much power, you can do anything you wanna do and you're using it for destroying purposes. Isn't it time to use it for good? And like, that was my turning point and from that moment on, I realized wow, how can I do this opposite? I started doing everything opposite, anything that was unnatural, I started doing instead and I found the positivity in everything, my whole mindset, attitude my whole life change from not going on.
Michael: That's powerful. You are one of the most positive people I know I will say that and I think it's really powerful like, I think it's funny sometimes we're messaging each other, you say something like, I am a realist to the fucking core and like sometimes the things that you say, man, like, yep, she looks at the world through this whole other light.
And I resonate with that a lot too, I mean anger I think is just is such a big part of the human experience. I think for myself it's played both a detrimental and a pivotal role in my ability to be who I am today. And in my twenties like, you and I think unfortunately like probably the vast majority of people who grew up in America, you know, when we hit twenty-one it's like party central and for a lot of people that continues being their lifestyle. And you know, you said something that I think fascinating about hanging out with people who don't give a shit about you. And I know how impactful that can be and just watching the way that when you decide to like, change your environment because you have the choice to do so that when you do that those people who don't serve you or don't bring value to life they're the first ones to shut you and you know, I look at so many of these experiences of my own life and I think to myself man, I'm really glad that I took those people out of my life because wouldn't be where I am without them. And community like, really truly is everything and as someone who also loves martial arts like, I think that there is darkness we can tap into that can propel us, I've talked about it on this show before in the day is where I'm like, I'm fucking exhausted, I don't wanna do this, I'm running three businesses, I got these fifty two people that depend by me, I'm like we made the fuck alone, I go to that dark place sometimes and it's that extra little boost that reminds me like, you know, you're from nothing, people expect you to fail, you expect yourself to fail, what are you gonna do about it. And so, I think that there this really interesting parlay way of being able to utilize that for good. And I love that you mentioned that and you brought that to attention because I don't think there's anything wrong with being angry, you should be, it's a human emotion like, it's a part of this, you should be able to feel what it's like to be pissed off. But you know what, you can use that anger to build something or you can use it to burn stuff down.
Jessica: Yeah. For sure, I mean anger is a motion that and anyone can feel, right? But the power is what are you gonna turn that energy into? When you feel that anger is you going to let it consume you? And let it bring you down? And let it control you? Or you gonna say hey, you're my bitch right now, okay I'm gonna control you and I'm going to transfer, I'm gonna transfer you into momentum ability and to showing up into proving people that I'm not gonna fail into using my power, not giving my power whatever, it may be. It's how you respond to the emotion and what because energy, you know, can't be cray nor destroyed, it just gets transferred, it gets not creating transferring from think the thing you could. We have the power and the energy we feel that's what emotion is; is energy in motion, we can convert it that's where that was looking before into anything we want because that's the power that I don't think a lot of people understand. Is when we feel in emotion, we have the power to convert it into anything we want. And you and I know that we can use it for good for power, so, I think it's a beautiful learning lesson.
Michael: Yeah. And you can definitely use that for evil which I have. The majority of my twenty it was evil Michael in my first book I wrote, I took the evil Michael over to the backyard and I shot him that was a joke I took from the movie, twister, if do you ever remember that film just aging myself briefly. But there was some truth to that because I was like fuck man, you're destroying your life like, my life could not have been worse, I'm making hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year but everything's a disaster, more obese, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep like, this thing where I'm like this anger is actually consuming me but I understand about this idea what it means to be yourself and how you can craft yourself, how you can create yourself and I sit and look at you on the conversation we have like, this is a human that has crafted themselves, you have made you who you are. What does that process been like, for you? Because I think a lot of people are like, I have this idea about who I wanna be but to bring it to fruition feels almost most impossible.
Jessica: Yeah. And it does because if you feel like you're so far from what you wanna be that, that does feel impossible, it feels like a long journey. To me, it feels like, I'm ever growing, it feels like power, it feels like happiness in every moment like, you can achieve anything you want by first believing it's possible and then I wanna say fake it until you make it because there's I can say both ways on that but you gotta have the feeling first, you gotta have the feeling of what kind of person you wanna be or the life you want, you have to leave it now in order for it to fill in. You can have your goal, you can have your plan and yeah, you want marks on how to get there, you do want some sort of plan, some sort of GPS because that's really what you want some sort of direction. And that is why I'm meditate every single morning, I meditate on my vision who I wanna be today, who I wanna be tomorrow, who I wanna be by the end of the year and that puts me in the feeling now and that feeling is power, it's happiness. And I've trained myself that the power really is in this moment right now, if I can be happy right now and have that feeling that I've made everything that I've ever wanted come true that's just going to a lot is it; it just fills in like, that's all the research I've been doing in the past like, five-six months which is really, really beautiful. But yeah, it's about the feeling, it's about the power, you gotta own that and have it right now and not let go of that because that's when you feel consumed by other things like, what you were just saying that you're consuming you; have the happiness consume you instead.
Michael: Yeah, that's an interesting thought and I don't know that happiness has ever consumed me but in real time as we're talking about, I go, I have my moments, right? I don't think anyone could ever entirely be in engulfed and happiness you'd probably be living a very terrible lie. But I think, there's so much to what you said like, and a word that comes to mind for me is like committing to it. You know, it's gonna be difficult, gonna be hard, I mean fuck most days are so hard. Like, I wake up in the morning every single day, I put my feet on the ground, I have to remind myself I'm in control of my life because this is difficult and I feel like if I don't do that, if I don't commit to myself and just be like, alright, I'm gonna figure it out along the way which has been really the cornerstone of my life when I go and I look at my teens on my twenties as I was chasing money like, that was the cornerstone was committed to that. I was like, I'm gonna go make money and then gonna waste it all in debt, right? Because that I was not clear about what I wanted to do with the money, right? So, there was a lack of clarity in my life. But as I got deeper into thinking about what I wanted to build like, for instance when I came up with the idea for this company for Think Unbroken almost six years ago now which is kinda nuts, it was five and a half years it was very much like, I'm just gonna do this until I don't wanna do it anymore, not I’m gonna quit when it's hard because trust me it is, not when it gets difficult, not when I'm tired but instead I’m gonna go tell the end and I said to myself, well you have to do this until you die, and that was my commitment. And so, unless something monumental shifts then I'm committing to building this business but that's the same commitment I have to everything, my health, my life, we have a mutual friend Gary Brecka has his both on eighty-seven thousand vitamins and you know he's this amazing brilliant guy who helps people take their health back. And this is the question I asked myself that changed my life forever, almost twelve years ago, and so, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And I think that ultimately for me at least in what I teach in Think Unbroken is like, if it's anything less than an answer of no excuses just results your life's not gonna be different. When you commit, when you think about these things that you do mentally, emotionally, physically, financially which I think is a hold up for a lot of people like, what's your thought process in those moments when you're like this is the thing that I'm gonna go and create with my life?
Jessica: You know, the decision is always for me it's a feeling, it really is always moved back to a feeling that's what it was back then and that's when it always is for me. I mean, I never always happy, I don't think anyone on this earth could say they're happy twenty-four seven but that's the game to me, that's the game because there's always you know outside elements, no one cannot not, I mean have you ever tried meditating where you're trying to think about nothing which never made sense to me and you're thinking about everything? The morning you tell me to think about nothing anymore think about everything like, it's difficult. So, for me when it comes to creating my life, it's choice by choice. I know that for me I want to be surrounded by good people helping them, I want to be able to show up for people who need me, I want to bring a smile to everyone's space as my daily goal, anyone I come in contact with, can I make them smile, can I flip their energy, can I turn their day upside down, will they accept my smile or will they turn into wave they feel? You know, so for me, it's about a feeling and it's a moment to moment now because I'm such a perfectionist that when I had a plan and things weren't going to plan it would trigger me and I didn't like that. So, discipline; I'm very disciplined my life would not negotiable but then very free other areas and that's my balance I realize it's different for everyone. But creating my personal goals, my financial goals, my professional goals it really is a moment-to-moment choice knowing that my biggest outcome is to have impact to make happier people, whatever that looks like. You know, for the longest time, I mean it's health and wellness because I know that health comes from the inside which now is developing more into mindset and the power of our mindset and I get a live of enjoyment from that and speaking instead of doing it one on one in my gym, then I got to be on podcasts and then I get to be on real life stages and go these networking things and do it to a whole room. And to me that is that feeling of satisfaction seeing someone else smile makes me grow because I know their growing massive fulfillment, it’s about fulfillment, it really is, it's a feeling of fulfillment except for when it comes to food because I can be really dangerous, you gotta know the difference to between taking a leap of discomfort for the greater good and taking a leap of discomfort to your death, right? There is that fine line, so yeah, it probably feels really good to jump off the cliff, I feel like you're flying until you hit the ground, you're like shit, you know you're floating in the out there like an angel, maybe I shouldn't have done that you know.
Michael: What's the name of that restaurant in Vegas where you can eat like, the biggest cheeseburger if you're like over three hundred pounds or something heart attack perimeter, is that what it's called?
Jessica: You know what I'm so funny on Fremont Street someone just brought that up to me a couple days ago, it's not funny how life does that because I'd never heard about it until honestly like maybe four days ago and now you bring it up so I know that is true, yeah, it's heart attack burgers sound Fremont Street.
Michael: Yeah. One of the regrets that I have for my twenties is when I was three fifty, I didn't get to go eat there for free and now I'm like, well I will never be that way again so I will have to pay but like also you know, I think there's something interesting about taken in consideration and even committing to the food that you put in your body because food is fuel and I until I recognized and truly understood that like, I was just eating whatever the fuck I wanted and you know it was a lot of fast food, it was a lot of like processed stuff, more sugar than you can imagine like my idea of a good time was like, gummy bears and chocolate cake, let's go, nothing's better than that. And you know, it does take discipline and it comes to this place where you use the word that I wanna talk about non-negotiable and I think that my turning points the pivot in my life was coming to the declaration of I'm not gonna fucking negotiate with myself, that's really what it was. I used to call myself a terrorist, I used to be like, I don't negotiate with terrorists and I would fucking bring myself into the gym, I would go and buy the healthy food in the in the grocery store, I wouldn't not buy the pack of cigarettes even though I walked into the fucking gas station to get them. And it was only through deciding to not negotiate with myself that I can promise you, I'm here right now same reason we're doing three hundred and sixty-five episodes of this show, this year we've already produced and delivered, I don't know what seventy-six or something like that and it's not negotiable I said it's done so it's done and I think that has become one of the greatest tools and we'll keep doing like my goal is three hundred sixty five fucking episodes by hell or high water, and so, my goal is to figure out how to do that, right? What are your non-negotiable and why does that actually matter to you?
Jessica: Yeah. So, the non-negotiable first off, my morning routine. I give my mornings to myself a hundred percent to myself it's a non-negotiable, I won't schedule a meeting, I won't schedule a coffee date, I won't schedule anything. Like, that morning time me get to bed to a time where I know I'm gonna wake my ass up at the time I said, I'm going to so I can do me which is a whole routine, it's my nourishment, it's my micro nutrients, it's my meditation, it's my breathing, it's watching the rise, it's me getting in my flow then listening to music, going to the gym, having nourishment and in that whole thing that is my non-negotiable. And once I complete that then I know I can show up to whoever needs me that day.
Michael: Do you know Jocko Willink?
Jessica: Oh, yeah.
Michael: You are the sunrise of Jocko Willink. If you follow Jessica on social –what's your Instagram, Jessica?
Michael: So, if you go and follow her, she posts the sunrise every day. She is the Jocko Willink of sunrise; it's great! And like that to me is interesting because you said that you're not negotiable and so when you execute that stuff and you're like shit, every day I'm getting up, going to bed. I remember when we were Atlanta together a couple of months ago like, you had come in on like, the red eye at fucking four o'clock in the morning but you were like, I'm committed, I'm getting here, I got there day early because I wasn't about that life and committed, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna not make excuses and show up even when it's hard. And so, when you go through and you have this morning routine and look, let's talk about this because I think it matters; you're a business person, you're an entrepreneur and you have a family. It's not like you are at just some nine to five job and or even a stay home mom or anything like that like, you have this thing that you're building and I wanna bring light to that because I think it matters because people always go oh, well you know you must have it so much easier than other people, right? You get that time in the morning but I feel like, you make that time, right?
Jessica: Yeah. I would never that job used to be, I wouldn't wake up until the nines. I was never heard the early morning person; I was never a morning person. I was a night owl up until I would say five years ago. And I would work out at night because I would teach classes and one day I said you know what? I wanna be a morning person, I wanna create more time because now that I'm a mom, you know, all my time goes to my son and when am I gonna get me time and I found I started losing myself and that is where I put the stop to it. I was like, no, you know, you're starting to not love yourself as much you're starting to do all the things that you used to do when you are very unhappy is that what you want my answer was no, that's not what I want. So, for the first thirty days, I was freaking zombie, Michael like, I would get up at 4:30 A.M. and by four o'clock that evening like don't talk to me man, nobody wants to be around me, I was like, I angry zombie, yawning, tired it was horrible. Then I read the miracle morning book and I was like oh, shoot, I was doing it all wrong so, I recreate a daily routine that filled my cup instead getting up and working that's what I was doing. I wasn’t been working, I wasn’t stealing my own cup and then I start filing my own cup and start getting a completely different result. So, yeah now it's a non-negotiable. The only thing I will sacrifice now is my work out for sleep, that's it.
Michel: Yeah. When you travel, I know that you work out and that's one of the things that I do as well and I look at it, I go you know like, I don't even take vacation like if I'm on vacation, I'm still living the same life I do I just happen to be doing it with a coconut on a beach and Thailand or Singapore or I don't know wherever I happen to be and I think that's kind of the thing that is so incredible about when you decide who you want to be and you can lay out all the parameters and I get people feel stuck like, I get it, I'll suck for a long fucking in time. But you're gonna say stuck as long as you choose to stay stuck and I think that's a hard truth because we've been to up stuck, I don't know anyone successful who hasn't been until you kind of make that choice in that declaration that this is what I'm gonna go and do no matter. We met each other through Grant Cardone’s community and so you know, obviously the Unbroken Nation we talked about this many times how Grant became an investor in my business and we did this public speak front of like ten thousand people blah, blah, blah, blah. But what I wanna talk about is like, the power of mentors for a second here because I recognize like, individually, you and I coach and women for people but we also have coaches and mentors and I would dare say and I can't because I didn't know you then but I would guess that you're a different person because of that, right?
Jessica: Hundred percent like, even coaches need coach, everybody needs a coach. (A) accountability (B) procrastination we all fall to that unless we force it or we have someone telling us remember that thing you said you're gonna do. We're more likely to be accountable to another person than we are to ourselves, hundred percent all the time every time. We've blend ourselves down so many times, we justify ourselves out of things so many times I know I used to, not anymore, not for my non-negotiable and even now and then I'll find myself doing it is usually for food, I'll just go back to food for me but then some days of my fuck it, you know, like last night it's not so daddy like, I will keep that stuff in my house but if I want it and then this is the question, I ask myself. Do you want it because of an emotion? Because I'm gonna trigger or because you're creating it like what is it and how are you feel after you have it?
So, I make sure, I'm okay, so doesn't trigger me into a downward slope like it used to and I was like fuck it, I want it, I’m gonna have it, I deserve it, all week long I am good without thinking about it because it's just had it now, so it's not so had a freaking playful of nacho. And I'm good with that like, I'm good with that. So, as long as you're you're okay with your choices too, you gotta be it, always comes back to that feeling. But mentors when I was struggling with my last bit of food addiction, I hire the coach, a food coach where every single day had to track my food and turn it into them and it was a struggle because many times I'm like if I hide the food they won't know I'm like, yeah they will it's gonna show up on the scale tomorrow and so there was no hiding, I knew that if I cut corners that it was going to show up and I'm like, enough of that Jessica, look, you want this for yourself, why you going to try to cut corners? why are you going to not do the thing that you said you were gonna do and keep getting the result that keeps you in that place of unhappiness and anger and disappointment and devaluing yourself? Breaking up that relationship with yourself, take your away on that self-love that you've built up, why are you gonna do that? And it made me realize no, I'm not gonna do that, I hired this going to keep me accountable, I'm gonna be accountable.
I was been this coach for entire year and I was even iffy the about going off of it but I want to make sure that I built the habit enough to be okay on my own and I am. I built a completely different relationship with myself having that mentor, have that coach and since then I'm graduating with coaches the same person who takes you to one place may not be the same person who takes you the next, so realize that too.
Michael: Yeah, there's truth in that. You know, I look at one of the things I try to tell people when they come into coaching with me, I say my goal is to get you out of here as soon as possible, I don't want you here forever because also I don't wanna be coached by the same people forever because that means probably you know John Maxwell all the lid eventually, you're going to be at the cap of what you can learn from that person and then go no further. And you know, I've had moments where for lack of a better way to phrase it like, I've let clients go, I've been like you're free, like go do this, I promise you, you've got all the skills everything that I can possibly teach you have. And in that you know it's really beautiful to get to watch people have these major transformations and you said something I think interesting you can hold yourself accountable, I believe that like, I'm fucking super stubborn like if I say it's done, it's done. Like, the accountability for me comes because when I go look in the mirror like, I don't wanna bullshit myself doesn't mean don't fuck up because I do, I promise, I'm move fuck up today, I probably already fucked up nine times like, I'm gonna have to clean up some messes that's how it goes. But I go worry if I'm gonna commit, I'm gonna show up, I'm gonna go through this one hundred percent and there are some bigger things where you know when I look at coaching and the people who meant for me, I'm very, very fortunate to have in my life. I'm measuring them against, I'm going these guys are my peers, I'm just not there yet you know it's kind like, when you're in the NBA and your ass on the bench and fucking Kobe is in the game like, you're gonna be in the bench for a minute like, you better get your fucking game up. And that's kinda how I look at I just go okay, cool what can I watch them do? How do they do? How do they pass? How do they do this or do that? How do they talk? How do they care themselves? How do they show up in the world? And that to me is why I have coaches because I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing like, that's the most interesting thing you know, I only know as much as I know and that's all I know and then I don't know what I don't know. And so, because of that I constantly want to be learning and I think too like, sometimes you can like over learn, I think I've learned some really important lessons in the last few years about too many cooks in the kitchen and always caution people about that. You know I’ll turn it back to Grant real quick for a moment because prior to this, I was listening to him at GrowthCon from last year talking about like if you have not read a book enough that you can recite the entire book then you don't understand the book and shit that's so fascinating me because I've bounced around place to place to place and I've been consumed with this idea of like I'm gonna read as many books as I can as possible which part of that is my human curiosity. But part of it is too because I can take skills and like implement them immediately when I do that like last year, I read sixty-two books and this year I'm reading fifty because I already declared it so, it's done but I was like, next year what if I only read ten books? But I read again and again and again, I don't know have you, I'm just kinda like spit ball here from this experience I had earlier today. But what are your thoughts with stuff like that? Can we be like over coached I guess is what I'd call it?
Jessica: Yeah. I can completely relate to that and I glad you bring up because I'm reflecting over things that have happened where I was like wow! that's why I did what I did but oh, my god, you can have an overload of information, right? I mean you go to a seminar and you get overloaded with so much information, you almost get like information paralysis, you don't know how to actually bring it into your life or implement it and you throw your arms I'd be like fuck it, you know, it's what am I do with all this shit, right? Yeah, so you can actually, I know for me personally, I can get information overload and I'll keep researching more and more and more I think I need more information and I realized that I used to do that and then I started like stepping out of that feeling, why am I doing that? Am I not implementing it for fear of what? Am I not being it too much information why do I feel the need to have more? What is going on where I'm not taking the information in implementing it into my daily routine? What stopping myself for? And a lot of the time we'll keep consuming information because a fear of actually implementing it or maybe we don't believe in ourselves enough. And I do believe that you can have too many coaches because it becomes very conflicting information like, one coach just telling you one thing, another coach just telling you another thing, brings it brought me back into mindset myself like, fuck it, you know, I’m just gonna keep doing what I'm doing because everything I'm being told isn't making any sense. And I too, when I got into audible, I was like oh, my god, I'm gonna read a book a week that was my first thing, I'm gonna read a book week got so proud of myself, you know… go ahead, are you have something say that?
Michael: No, no, please, so fine, I get it.
Jessica: You know, and then I got into the whole hiring coaches and mentors and it was too much and then when I found Grant, I realized that I didn't realize I did this until you spoke about this. I put all the other books aside and I took three of his books and kept honestly all last year that's all I listen to; I should say it's all I listen to about not gonna lie. But I listened to his books probably over and over again, I don't know each of these three books I really love I even to know how many times, twenty times maybe each and that was more powerful to me then the book a week I read than my first-year personal development. There's is definitely some power to that and I realized that I'd let go of all my other mentors as well because I was consuming so much of Grant and his community and it brings me back to my twenties where I felt like, I was part of something where I truly belong this time where I could blossom there's definitely power in that for sharing.
Michael: Yeah. I love that. And so, really, I guess the biggest takeaway here is reThink Unbroken again, it was plug. You know, I think quite frequently you said community. One of the things people always talk about on the show; one of the things talk about I have the three C's Community, Commitment, Connection like, it is everything and I haven't shared this on the show before but me being a part of the 10X community and look whether or not you like Grant Cardone, I give two shifts, I don't like half the shit he says I'm like, whatever old white guy but I love him and I love as honesty and I love who he is as a person and like behind the scenes for those of us in the community like you and I, who know him like, for real. He's one of the most giving human beings that that I've ever known. And so, I just wanna preface because I know somebody's listening like fuck Grant Cardone, I'm like, yeah, I get it fucking but like, he's great too so like, I understand. But my point in saying this is to lead to this point the community that I've been able to foster through what he has built has given me the ability to sit here have this conversation with you, have conversations with amazing friends like Ken Joslin, like Gary Brecka, like Matt Smith, I mean the list goes on and on and on of all these incredible people brought together around one idea. And I'm curious and this is why I'm asking this because like when I look at this community, I go man, I feel so ostracize sometimes as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, as a leader, as a podcast host because like, I love my best friends but I cannot talk to them about the stuff like you and I talk about because they're like, dude shut up, why the fuck are you talking about this again? I'm like because I love it and then in this, the thing that I get that I gather from it and the same thing I'm always teaching my clients about, the same thing I'm talking about on this show all the time that you have to have community because you can't do whatever you're gonna do alone and that big overarching thing that I feel like, I'm frequently moving towards is just a bigger life, I feel like I've been lied to about possibility part of its trauma, right? Part of its abuse we suffer like, you know, my clients, the people, the Unbroken Nation who listen this show, so many of us have been hurt, we've been through pain, we've been through suffering, some of has have been homeless and abused and put in shelters and you know you think of the worst-case scenario. Sometimes with these people email me and I love them dearly to be able to support them is just like the darkest shit you can imagine. But in this community the reason why I've attached myself to it so much is because I look at it and I go; we have all stepped into that thing where you take the red pill and you start watching the matrix shape itself and you realize that when you were around other people who are bending the world to them instead of them bending themselves to the world that the perspective of possibility just it opens up in a way that I've never bore witness to. I never like, I'll give you a perfect example; Growing up in my neighborhood being evicted multiple times, being homeless, living in thirty different houses, I only saw fear, poverty, guilt, rats and roaches, buy here pay here, places car repo like the worst of humanity and then I'm like fucking a month ago sitting and having dinner with you and a couple of billionaires. You know when I look at that I go it's not about money and I wanna be clear about that, I don't give a shit about money. But it's about the thought, it's about the process about that thing we can build and this is I'm laying out literally the three C's that I talk, right?
So, community the first thing is like, are you in a community in which supports that thing that you want in your life? And then connection like, are you guys on the same plane because if you're not connected and looking at everybody's gonna be like some people in miscommunity suck I'll call it what it is, it's true. Sometimes people suck like, I sucks sometimes I know somebody listens like fucking hate me it's fine, I get it and you the right connection but most importantly in the third one it's coming back to where we kinda started this and talking about commitment. And so, you know you see the people in this community is like this one that you and I share together and the reason I'm bringing this up because I'm always teaching it, I just wanna like put my money where my mouth is her for a second because we kept on the backside of having that community, that connection, that commitment we also had to do what I called TEEM which is this acronym I created TEEM (Time Effort Energy Money) you have to invest one but chances are if you really want shift you have to invest all four. And so, I wanna bring this to life because I think people hear me talk about this and like why are you really doing it? I'm like yeah motherfucker because this is what it takes. And so, I sit kinda look at you and I go, you get you're a part of the three C's, you get TEEM. Talk to me about like what community has done for you in your life? And in the other side of it though also is the investment into the community?
Jessica: Yeah. I mean, so talking about childhood number one, limited beliefs, right? I was always told that was weird, I was always like oh, Jessica, it's okay, that you look the way you do like, there was something wrong with it, oh! it's okay Jessica that you think the way you do like there was something wrong with it but just be quiet, don't be heard.
You know people are gonna think you're weird or you don't fit in or Jessica could just put on some makeup and you'll look pretty, alright? It was always about my external because my internal was weird, no I wasn't allowed to shine it at all so, I felt like it never belonged anywhere, I felt like who I was wrong therefore I hated in myself to be honest and then I allowed people to abuse me, I was abused on the very young age. I used myself all the way up into you know my twenties and then I became more aware of it is because I didn't love myself, I didn't have that relationship with myself, I thought I was a mistake, I really didn't, I thought I was a mistake and I didn't fit in anywhere. You know, but then I realized fast forward to the community then I literally just found a year ago so, between that time I was very much loner. I had friends but I never had friends. I talked about things they want to talk about because I felt judged when I wanna talk about things I want talked about, I wasn't interested in drama and talking about this person here with that person. I was interested in talking about what's going on in the world? I wanna talk about my life how I wanna create it? Why do I think so differently? And I was very much a loner up until honestly a year ago, a little over a year ago when we found the Grant community and that seems so crazy.
I mean even the leader of my own community, I still had walls up, I still had barriers of this person I thought I had to be in order from for them to follow me. Being in the fitness world I find had to have this perfect like body, I have to look a certain way, I couldn't have a dimple on my butt, you know, god forbid I show that or I have a role in my stomach or whatever I can't show an age or anything I felt like, I had to be this perfect thing and I realized that was because when I was younger it was all about my external look Jessica, wear makeup you look pretty and do your hair and dress nice and everything was external and that was my last puzzle piece. Until last year well first came shaving in my head that was a whole another freedom. I just didn't give a fuck anymore, I made my sister shaved my head and that was one of the happiest days of my life, I felt free as I never going back this is me, taking a lead, if you'll never like it? Don’t fucking look at me. Would you like it? thank you. Maybe you have the balls one day it too you know it is a part of me but and that was about three years ago I did this now everyone's doing it. I definitely didn't start it maybe I did but finding that community changed me because I love you said it's so beautifully Michael how these people didn't bend themselves to fit into the world then they bent the world around them to fit them. It was the first time in my life I ever experienced my people and it was just wait with the off my shoulder and my wings came out man like, I was like oh, my gosh, these are my people, I can actually be me and talk about the shit that's inside my head and people are like wow, that's great tell us more, I've never had that in my life.
So, there it was freeing, it shaped me at a 10X, it definitely it catapults me because for the first time my life I could be freely me, unapologetically, I was given that permission this almost like I needed to be given that permission.
Community is everything.
Community will shape you; they will hold you back, they will help you fly, they will expand your mind and get rid of all those limited beliefs you were told previously by. People that would tell you things because it's through their filter through their perspective or because it doesn't benefit them. You know when I started changing, I think I lost ninety-nine-point nine nine percent of the people in my life because I no longer benefit them in the way that served them. I wanted to take control of my choices and start benefiting people the way it benefits me and not selfish but self-fulfilling and people couldn't understand that. And I was okay with that because pretty much I felt alone anyway so, why did I need them around me? And that community showed me more about that.
So, having that support from the right community will change everything for you, hundred percent.
Michael: Yeah, you're spot on! And you know, I look at that also because that community can raise you as well while you're in it and give you opportunity and support you and hold your accountable. I mean, when I moved to Denver I knew literally four people, now these are very close friends and I love them dearly but I know anyone else and so, I met this guy who was running this 10X just meetup up named Jake and his awesome wife Sandra and they have been phenomenal, right? And so, what happens we find community even the Unbroken Nation as I continue to build the community for them to have that place to live it's like, I have that community but I have this other community over here too because they both serve different purposes but there's continuity between the two of them, because it makes me feel like, I don't make me like it is my home, these are the places where I exist where I live.
You know, we're getting ready to launch the Think Unbroken Discord here soon, where everyone's gonna be able to go chat with each other every day and be a part of that and that's something I'm super excited about. And you said something about shaving your head and you're like, I'm covering tattoos, right? Gold ring on my nose like, working on trying to get a gold too if it's a little bit more than I thought I was gonna do but you know it's like that's who I am.
Perfect example, I'm the elevator getting to go this thing the other day and this woman is just scaling at me like, I could just tell she's so mad that I have tattoos to, I'm like that's nothing to do with me and I looked at her I go, I hope you have an amazing day that's it, that's the only words exchange but I can tell her she was looking at me judging me I'm like I don't give a fuck, I hope that you have a great day because your judgment of me has nothing to do with me. One of the things, I wanna go back into this a little bit deeper though not necessarily from a monetary standpoint you can say whatever you want but I wanna to talk about the investment side of things and why that matters? Because from my perspective this is me and I believe this probably holds true to everyone like, if time anyone let's say you created the thing that I needed most in my life Jessica if you gave it to me for free, I won't even fucking do anything with it so would be on the desk collecting dust. And I have found that the only way I take anything seriously as investing that TEEM time effort energy money. What is the investment side of things not only done for you but taught you about yourself?
Jessica: Yeah, for sure. I gotta have skin in the game number the one. You do so way you're going to pay attention to it. I've given away so much free shit in my life I used to coach people for free and I realized that whole time I was devaluing myself and I didn't feel valuable because I was giving myself away for free, I mean if you work for free you feel like you have no value because there's no exchange and there has to be exchange it doesn't necessarily have to be financial but it has been something beneficial, there has to be some kind of equal exchange.
And anything that I was ever given for free, I never took this seriously, I never took it, I didn't think it was valuable because it's free. Free is not valuable. Times to get a free sample, I mean maybe not more about in the mall used to go to the bottom level where all the food court was and be given out free samples and that would just take them and not because I even like the restaurant forget it like, half those places I wouldn't eat that but I took it because it was free and not I ever even eat there or how many times I wanna go on the diet and I download the free meal plan, never once I ever follow any of those thousands of free meal plans I downloaded. And I even had someone coach me for free months, I never showed up, you know what? They didn't hold me accountable like because it was free, there was no value in there. I wasn't showing up, they were giving me no value, it's like, why? Why? And then, I got uncomfortable, I started giving myself my time and that's where the discipline of the morning routine came in and then the relationship with myself because I was investing time and energy into me, I started connecting with that relationship in myself on a real different level. I could actually start talking to myself looked at myself dead in the eyes in the mirror which before I used to just laugh that myself and because I was uncomfortable because I didn't believe myself because I found as a joke.
So, when I started investing the time and the energy and me everything really started changing, I started realizing wow, I do have more value, well, I do have a lot to give. Wow, what I have is very unique and valuable and so showing up in a different way. And so, then I started investing more into books audible things and then the dollar amount would grow and started investing more money and the result it became bigger but you do. I was investing the time; I was doing the energy and the financial became bigger and bigger and bigger as well. I mean last year, I said screw it, I went diamond in for my first time ever going a growthcon because my non-negotiable was, I need to be in the room with the people that invest big in themselves.
Michael: Why does that matter?
Jessica: That matters because you're around a whole different mindset. You're gonna spend energy every single day, right? Just like, you're gonna spend money every single day, you have to choose what you spend your energy and money on. Are you gonna choose to spend your energy on people that don't value you? Are you gonna choose to spend energy in conversations that don't reciprocate? Are you gonna choose spend your money on Mcdonald's food that makes you feel like shit? Why are you spending the time in the money or are you gonna spend the money on a good state and you gonna to spend your energy in conversations with people that provide learning lessons and value and bring your beliefs? Either way you're spending that time in money is the quality, I mean, I know people who will go out and buy a good pair of shoes that cost like five hundred dollars for the comfort and that they're gonna last you know eight years as opposed to the ten-dollar shoes where you have to buy a thousand of them in the next five years of investing more money anyways. I mean you're gonna spend the time, you're gonna spend the energy, you guys in the emotion, you're gonna spend the money it's the quality of what you're gonna be receiving that's why it matters.
Michael: That's a really good point and I bought my first pair of expensive jeans last summer after literally I did the math, I'm a big dude and I'm six foot four like big ass, my thighs no bullshit this a ridiculous thing to say but my thighs are bigger than most people's entire body. And so my jeans just ripped all the time and I was always buying these cheap genes from T.J. Maxx I have this limited mindset where I was like and this goes all the way back to childhood because all of our clothes used to come from the goodwill hand me downs or the church or Walmart; walmart was about as good as the clothes were ever gonna get in our childhood and that's if we were super lucky but sometimes they would get returned after we had wear them for like school pictures and shit because like I know it's crazy we were that poor. And so, being in my twenties in my thirties, I was like, okay shit like I'm literally buying another pair of T.J. Maxx jeans like fucking every month and I put together, I did the math one day and I realized that I spent five hundred dollars on cheap jeans in one year and oh, holy shit because every time they'd rip because inevitably they would I'd be like, I have to go by another pair and so I went and bought a nice pair of jeans an expensive pair of jeans like real cotton and I mean these things are gonna out me they literally are and the reason that I'm using this as an anecdote is because I think that it truly applies to the way that we invest everything in our lives. You can go and have thirty-seven pairs of the terrible jeans or save your money to get the one, right? And it took me cutting out things that didn't matter, it took me not spending money not wasting it on shit that wasn't important, to be able to do that but also like you, I've said this on the show before I'm the same guy who wouldn't spend five dollars on a fucking book ten years ago, I wouldn't, I refuse that, I was like nonsense. And today like, just the other day I spent five figures for an event and that to me is not about the money because the money will come and go, the money is energy, you have to learn how to understand how to make money and use money and what money can do for you. And as a kid who was homeless and deeply in poverty nothing in my life has ever been more terrifying about anything than money and it wasn't really until I started to understand the truth about it probably about six years ago when I was like oh, it doesn't actually disappear, it just goes into other things, right? Whether it be this cell phone or glasses or hat or bank account or whatever, it's gonna ebb and flow but when you make a concise and clear decision with massive clarity about what you want and you do what it takes to get that thing you could have it. And so, in the same way that people might listen to this and go oh, well you guys are lucky, you're successful, there's no fucking luck involved in this.
There's not a lucky moment of my life, there's a lot of preparedness, there's a lot of putting myself in a position to be successful then there's a lot of investing in myself and I look at it now and I go, okay cool, what will the moment be like when I can invest a hundred thousand dollars into an event, right? That ever comes which I'm sure it will that's what I want to do is build wealth into my life but you can't be scared of it. I think that's the thing that I want people to take away from really this whole conversation, is you are going to have fear wait, I’m not gonna put words in your mouth but I'm in a guess anytime you've written a big check or you've gotten on a plane or you went to do that you wouldn't fucking spoken to buy, there's fear in those moments. And I believe that you can either let those fears hold you back or you can figure out a way to navigate that shit.
Jessica: So true. You know and that money thing I grew up that there's a limited amount of money if the work really, really hard for money that money only flows to certain people like I'm never one of those successful people I was told, only special people can be successful. You know there's not enough money to go around, money is rare like, if you get it pulled onto it that was the belief, I grew up with then I realized money is so common, you can get money from anywhere. I can go downstairs go up to a person ask me for five dollars right now maybe they'll give it to me maybe they won't but so common everyone has it and we're so afraid to exchange it for things that are unique like experience to growthcon or for a coach, for things that can change your life, for a unique experience. Why are we so afraid to give up something so common and we're not even giving it up because like you said it's converting; that money is converting into a unique experience, you think is something so common I'm grateful that we have something so common that we can convert into a unique experience for ourselves, whatever it may be. Like that nice pair of jeans, now you're going through a different experience wearing a more expensive pair jeans and maybe that makes you show up more confidently, it gives you an experience to talk about something, it gives you so exchanging that common money for that unique experience to be able to talk about that today. I mean you wouldn't have had that and you didn't flow the currency of money because it's money is meant to flow, it's a currency, why there is a currency? It flows, you gotta go into the fold. Just like energy you can't stop energy, you can't stop the flow of you know water I guess you come with the damn with the energy in it everything is energy it all comes down to the energy, you can't set the flow of energy and the second you do where you try that's when shit hits fan then for sure.
Michael: Yeah. I love what you've said with it being currency but so true I've never thought about it in that light. I just always thought you know growing up that like, I think money is probably the most detrimental trauma that anyone has to overcome subjectively, let me be very clear there's context in that but I've come to discover like that was the thing and people are stuck in debt and credit cards and the worry about gas prices, you know, I was thinking the other day, I was like, I don't get shit the gas could be twenty five dollars, I'm gonna find a way to afford it.
You will always find a way for the thing that you need in your life and trust me I've worked two or three jobs at the same time actually I work three jobs at one time, right? I've worked the hundred hour work weeks I've killed myself and so, I don't want people to sit and be like oh, these guys are preaching from the pedestal their life is so great, we taking a tremendous amount of work to get to this place and I know even just to sustain it's a tremendous amount of work and the go where I want to go next is a tremendous amount of work and ultimately everything that you want you can have like, I believe it you can have it. But it's about your mindset, it's about what you decide, it’s about how you show up, it's about how you face your fear, it's about all the things that we've been talking about today it's about creating yourself. You have the ability it's right here for you but nobody's gonna hand you this shit, there was no Disney moment like, I wish I could and download an app on my phone and everything would be fucking great but it's not; it's not that my life isn't great, I love my life but I’m just saying in these moments like, I would rather be having this conversation on a helicopter on my way to an airport to go in outer space with the Elon Musk right now, it would be but that's not where my life is, will it be one day, I don't know if I want it about enough but you ask yourself, what do you want? How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? Because I promise you if the answer is anything less than no excuses just results it ain't gonna happen.
Jessica: Yeah, so true. You have to be willing to get uncomfortable. Period. No matter what it is you want you have to be on alone to get uncomfortable doing because if you don't have it right now then what you're doing isn't making it come so that means you have to get out of your comfort zone in order to achieve it period that's bottom line.
Michael: Yeah, it's so true my friend. I wanna say thank you so much for being here, before I can ask you my last question, can you tell everyone where they can find you?
Michael: Amazing and of course we'll put all those links and the show notes for the listeners. Jessica, my friend my last question for you what does it mean to you to be unbroken?
Jessica: Free from the cage that I put myself in and it feels like freedom too to create whatever I choose and to receive anything I desire that's why it feels like when I was on, my now was broken I stopped it from happening so it's freedom it is true freedom and with that comes true internal happiness for sure.
Michael: Beautifully said my friend, thank you so much for being here. Unbroken Nation thank you so much for listening.
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