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April 28, 2022

E283: You DON'T Have to justify who you are to anyone! (PART 1) | Mental Health Coach

In this episode, I talk about the idea of being who you are and what that means. You don't have to justify yourself. And this is an exciting topic of the conversation because, for many people, we get this building cessation that we have to get...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e283-you-dont-have-to-justify-who-you-are-to-anyone-part-1-mental-health-coach/#show-notes


In this episode, I talk about the idea of being who you are and what that means.

You don't have to justify yourself. And this is an exciting topic of the conversation because, for many people, we get this building cessation that we have to get permission for other people to be who we are.

I cut it into four parts, and I would be grateful if you could tune in because I believe it brings you massive clarity of who you are and where you want to be.

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Transcript

Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! I hope thank you're doing well we're in the world today. Very excited back with you on Tuesday night coaching. What are you do Tuesday nights? So, I can hang out with you guys so that we get come together so not only is when speaking but if you question, you’re welcome ask questions as we go through this; is this communal, about us coming together if you're watching on social channels under the Discord, and invite to join us on our Discord channel, you go to thinkunbroken.com/discord. And was really great about this Discord opinion is that you are not tied to the opportunities, so, you know, I’ll give you a great example on all of my social channels specifically speaking towards my also Instagram fam Unbroken Nation there's almost seventeen thousands of us there and there four people on it which that has not been not being gracious, so thank you very, very, very much for being here launching right now, is just to say that the algorithms may control everything and you know well maybe not future try against heard but Elon Musk block twitter so that's super very curious about. Maybe twitter will come back live knows anyway that'll a be a conversation for another day, its Tuesday night, hope you’re alright wherever you are in the world, I hope you're stepping out of your comfort, so all through keeping your promises stepping in what is next in your life.

We're gonna talk about this idea about being who you are and what that means and you know it’s the title of our conversation. You don't have to justify yourself. And this is a really interesting topic of the conversation because for many people we get this building cessation that we have to get permission for other people to be who you are. I’ll raise my hand; I don't know that I've ever not have that experience at some point in my life, like well I have to be someone else so likes me.

Today, I am able to remove that on my life or doing a tremendous amount of work. I what you guys to think about here as we talk on this evening is are you showing up fully and authentically as yourself? And if you're not, start asking yourself some difficult question and the first is who you are? Why I am not showing up for myself? What is that keeping me from being to step fully who I am, where am I missing, what is it either nothing paying attention to?

One of the things that I'll share great story with you. When I was in the sixth grade, I remember of jingo jeans those big cleared out on crazy jeans. Well, sixth grade there was super popular so that’s ’97 or ‘98 and we cannot afford those jeans but I would see those kids wearing those jeans and I think to myself oh, man that's the cool kids, they have those jeans they must be the ones have all figured out, right? And more so, and look the way they talked to and I would remember a thing with one day there's such a copy cut, you pretending to be everybody else. And I remember of that big striking in the room because I was really deeply justifying that I was like, no, I'm not, this is me, I like all this stuff and what’s funny is, I didn’t, I had no interest with those things but I didn't know how to send to be myself that is an aspect of this journey and so many people who go for traumatic experience like, how do I be me? And as I went further throughout my childhood, I found myself even at some point thinking about alright, I don't know who I am and I just think we're little of a such kid maybe like, I don't understand life,like which I don't think any kid doesn't me, hey, I'm an adult, I don't understand like, let's be very clear about that, alright, I don't understand this but I kind of think I do and I think the way to understanding life like is to being like everybody else that seemed to make a lot of sense of me. I  don't know if you guys have experienced this or not as well but I thought myself oh, I'll just be like them because if I'm like them that means fit, that means maybe will have safety in community, that was one of the things that I was trying to figure how to navigate as a child that's was always guarantee, who always outside, whole basically we did it was badly behaved but the interesting juxtaposition of that as well is, I was always living spelling these and I do my homework done, school work and I would always be the first person on test. And so, now look, I'll say this you don't wanna be the weird kid and this work together to recipe for disaster and some good through all this as kid I'm like alright well shit, I don't know how to be me, so let me pretend and then try to be these and as I got further into my journey as a childhood as started up all these other weird nuances that kids have, right? I think, in me, we all do that, I mean, as adults if you're around a person they kinda have like, praise, you know that friend who says that one thing constantly and of somehow you start catching it, you start that you're vernacular. I think it's an inherent and natural that's a part of journey. But as a child you're looking and measuring you know, what it is that's viable? Is it popularity? Is it certain styles in a conversation and it whatever that may be, maybe the hair styles, whatever that thing is that makes you feel like in that moment you fit it or then you're in communal that your part of them. And along the timeline hopefully my hope is that you understand that you will have to be anybody.

So, let's break this down little know coming into this conversation a couple of times recently last few months and that's because it's really about what the Unbroken Nation, of I want you guys to understand ownership of who you are is such a predominant factor in healing journey that I want to keep pushing you this out. I think about either the style which I been learning over the last four months and I've switched from reading a ton of words to really focusing and reread all it was done on the recently, like how you really figure something out if you keep switching to switching switching, so they wanna come back through this identity conversation a little bit more over the coming weeks because I wanted to solidify because this is ultimately, I think about, so if childhood trauma is ultimately with depth of identity than the chasm that we have to cross from where we are to where we want to be ultimately we heal, being healthy, being who you are, that chasm is about ownership of who you are as created and defined by you, right? So, ownership with who you are as created and defined by you, not full publication for justification of more self to fund and that is probably the arguably my opinion the most difficult aspect of this journey. And it starts at such a young age you know, I talked about this many times when you look at some of the long term detrimental damage of the conflict of trouble it's being in this place where you're kind of without having better phrase it you're in the situation of having to build to yourself into yourself in real time as an adult without the support system what you would have or should happened at other age like, family, community, peers and people who want to help you up and give you the space for who you are. I don't know if any of you ever heard similar of this but I used to get told time if you keep acting like this I've got hit, I’ve got hurt you or punish you whatever that thing maybe. And so, what happens is if your plan is looking at trying to measure the data of the stimulus in the experience, they having to effectively put it in one of three terms, right? Is the thing that I'm experiencing right now safe or dangerous and since the brain is key, I mean really, it's real survival since that's true if you're in situations safely this is okay, I can continue to do this thing over here no problem if you're in position for danger situations for is unsafe the radio actually hold on, pause, time out this is dangerous, I am unsafe so I cannot do this again.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.