April 2, 2022

E257: Spanking is stupid | CPTSD Healing Coach

In this episode, I talk about spanking is stupid. I want to talk about this today because I want to voice my opinion on it. The majority of you listening in the Unbroken Nation are not those who are hitting your children but what I want you to do, and...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e257-spanking-is-stupid-cptsd-healing-coach/#show-notes

In this episode, I talk about spanking is stupid. I want to talk about this today because I want to voice my opinion on it.

The majority of you listening in the Unbroken Nation are not those who are hitting your children but what I want you to do, and this will be uncomfortable. Still, I think it's necessary to share this episode, share it with friends, share it with family, share it on your social, and share it with people you know are disappointing their children in this aspect. 

You have a choice to make today about what legacy you want to leave.

Just Listen. Be The Hero Of Your Own Story!

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Spanking is stupid.

What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. That intro and the title of this episode tell you everything that you need to know about what I'm to talk about.

You know one of the most polarizing things that I put on social media is my argument against spanking and the reason why I'm bringing this up on this show particularly is because I think it's a conversation that needs to be had it's a conversation we need to dive back into it's been a few years since I brought this up and I had on friends podcast the other day and he brought up the fact that people were destroying him on social media for telling other fathers that they should not spank their children. He actually came up with a list of multiple reasons why you should not spank and alternatives to doing so one of which and I think I understand the reason why he got destroyed by people unfairly and unjustly may add is because he said one of the reasons that it's stupid distinct kids is that it's an indication that you're not communicating as a parent and you're inconsistent communicating. I thought to myself yep that sounds about right. You know that post when I make it and I'm gonna make it again because I want to and and I always end up going to war with people and it makes me think of that Jay-z quote I always tell you guys about you know never argue the fool because from a distance people can't tell who was who.

And the reason why I wanna talk about this today is because I just want to voice my opinion on it you know when somebody messaged me and they're like you know your platform you're such on a soap box sometimes like it's my show I should be on a soap box, I wanna talk about the things that matter to me, I'm not gonna placate you because you don't like what I have to say and in fact if you don't, just don't follow me, don't listen, turn this off right now and if you're prose spanking just hear me out because people will go to this place about this conversation and they'll go well I turned out fine and I think to myself yeah but did you really turn out fine because I'm pretty sure that your wife that I'm coaching is telling me that you don't know how to communicate, I'm pretty sure that your kids are telling you that you don't ever hug them, pretty sure that your friends are talking about the fact that you're never vulnerable, I'm pretty sure there's a lot of shit that's happening in your life right now and obviously I'm paying a very general and broad aspect picture here. But it's insane to me that people would say I turned out fine after being abused as a child through spanking and they'll go oh, yeah but I will only hit once or twice at a time and I go well but what does that teach you?

Think about this for a second like, I actually think about this.

If abuse which I believe it is is the theft of identity and the pain that we suffer in the experiences that we have are a result of us trying to be who we believe that we're capable of being as children, then that means that those things that occur that result in punishment tell our brain that it's not okay to be us even if it's once or twice at a time. When you look at with the results of the ACE survey the Adverse Childhood Experienced Survey done by Doctor Felitti the California center for disease control and Kaiser Permanente in the nineties they surveyed over eighteen thousand people and they found a direct correlation between childhood trauma and abuse and long term detrimental health ramifications. The ACE survey was a series of ten questions I won't go into them all but you can check them out if you just search ACE survey or if you read my first book Think Unbroken I dive into the research.

You know one of a couple of questions were you ever hit, well did a parent not take care of you or take you the doctor when you needed? Was anyone in the household suicidal? Did anyone the household go to prison or jail? And all these things have a correlation on a long enough timeline to detrimental health ramifications. Depending on where you fall in that survey if you're like me with an ACE score of ten you'd be up to fifty two hundred percent more likely to commit suicide, twenty two hundred percent more likely to be alcoholic, it two thousand percent more likely to use tobacco and then you look at the other things like pulmonary embolism, heart attacks, diabetes, asthma, heart disease, exponentially skyrocket. Why? Well because when you grow up in a cortisol state and you're constantly in fight or flight the thing that happens is your body never goes into rest and digest to recover and so when you're always in fight or flight your body is only trying to do one thing and that's to survive and that just does not serve you. And what happens is you look at that and people will go, yeah but I was fine, I turned out okay, yes my parents spank me but nothing happened. Are you sure? Are you sick? Are you on unwell? Do you have anxiety? Do you have depression? Do you get lost in conversation? Do you have a hard time conveying messages? Do you find yourself constantly stuck and making decisions? Do you feel like you don't know who you are? Do you feel like every time that you do make a choice your second guessing yourself? Do you struggle through intimacy and vulnerability in connection and commitment? Do you feel like everyone is out to get you? Are you sure it didn't impact you.

And look, I know I sound on right now because I am, I’m kinda pissed off like I think about this and it drives me crazy it's ignorant to hit a child, you're stupid if you do. And look ignorant is a lack of knowledge. Ignorant is the lack of knowledge and it's one of those things that when I think about it I go we have to do better, right? Stupid. I'm gonna read the definition of stupid to you. It's attending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes marked by a lack of intelligence or care and people who spank their children are making poor decisions marked by a lack of intelligence thus stupid. And I will tell you to your face and the reason why is because it's ignorance it's pure ignorance. There is not one drop of fucking research on planet earth that shows that hitting a child makes any fucking rational sense. It is one of the most detrimental actions that we can have as a human being that we can take as a human being, to hit a child.

Think about this for I'm six foot four, two twenty, I workout five six times a week, Im pretty strong, pretty big guy, cannot imagine hitting a child. I know what I'm capable of doing, I know the strength that I possess more importantly I know the detrimental long term ramifications of that abuse. You know there's causation and correlation to everything that happens.

I see this in my clients, I see this in the struggles that they have to go through and learning to love themselves, I see it in myself in my journey of the same thing, I see it and the people who reach out to me who listen to this podcast, who show up to the events, who watched me speak, we're all talking about the same thing that abuse impacts us. And so while yes I'm on a soap box right now, I'm gonna tell you right now, spanking is stupid it makes no fucking sense. And in fact it's probably one of the most harmful things that you can do to a child.

So one of the most harmful things hitting people is just not acceptable, it's just not. I mean outside of the rules of organized and official combat which you know I'm a complete lover of, I love mixed martial arts outside of that there's no space and we teach children young and people go, yeah but my dad hit me and his dad hit him and everything was fine or my mom hit me and her mom hit her and you know I'm okay and it's just not true.

When you dive in and you understand the truth about those experiences what you recognize is the negative impact and though the damage that you're leaving in the wake of your ill informed decisions. Now look I recognize and I hope to God I don't know because I don't have any statistics on this but the majority of you listening in the Unbroken Nation are not those who are hitting your children, I would guess ninety nine point nine percent of you are not but what I want you to do and this will be uncomfortable but I think it's necessary as to really share this episode, to share it with friends, to share it with family, to share it on your social, to share it with people that you know are disappointing their children in this aspect. I mean there's not a single drop of evidence in any research over the last fifty years that indicates that there's efficacy in spanking. It is not a discipline that works because you're reinforcing mistakes with fear, you're reinforcing the things that children have to figure out on their own with pain. And that's a smart; it's a very strong indication that if you're hitting a child you're not paying attention, you're not healed, you haven't done the word, you haven't learned, you haven't educated yourself and people will always here's the argument here's my favorite argument that I love to debunk so let's do it right now.

People go well you know I think my parents did the best with what they had I go sure okay, that's fair, I get it, they did the best with what they had. I wonder if they had the library, I wonder if they had access to books about psychology, I wonder if they could have access mas hierarchy of needs, I wonder if they could have read about Gestalt therapy, I wonder if they could have been in a position to start learning to break the cycle. And people will go why turned out fine, right, you say so I'm gonna trust you, I don't know not you, I don't know if your parents did do their best, I don't know mine didn't they had access the library was literally around the corner from her house it's where I ran away at you all the time so I was safe. Did they do their best? I don't think so, I don't and people argue that and you know maybe I'm wrong maybe I'm fucking dead wrong, maybe I'm wrong about all this but I don't think so and if there's one pedestal that I will ever stand on it's this one and I'm not coming down, I think spanking kids is stupid, I think it's a dumbest shit we can fucking do.

And I think that if you're a parent who has hit your kids it's time to stop; it's time to stop and fucking grow up and become a mature responsible human being who is creating life for the betterment of those who come after them. People always talk about I wanna make the world a better place than what I came into. You cannot hit your kids and expect that to be true because I'm gonna tell you what happens in seventeen years and twenty five years they're coming over here this program and again I pray and I hope that the listeners of the Unbroken Nation are not in that category and I hope that you'll share this for this purpose because we need more tension and denies on it and I know I'm fired up, I know this is an emotional episode but it drives me crazy because it's like the reality is we can change all this today.

The mission of this show of Think Unbroken of everything that I do is to end generational trauma in my lifetime through education and information and if you send me a research study that proves spanking a child makes them fucking president of the United States and the best father and the best lover and the best communicator and the absolute best version of themselves and they have no struggles and no issue and no worries and no early onset illnesses and no pain and no suffering and no guilt no shame. Sign me up, but that fucking research doesn't exist.

So I'm gonna leave with this…

You have a decision to make today.

You have a choice to make today about what legacy you wanna leave, about who you wanna be and I pray that you make a decision to understand the facts, to understand everything that I just laid out and I hope that you will do whatever it takes to be the hero of your own story.

Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening.

Please like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken


Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.