March 31, 2022

E255: What to do on the hard days | Mental Health Coach

In this episode, I talk about what you do on the hard days. Unbroken Nation, the thing you gotta understand is this is a forever process. You're going to get triggered; you're going to get lost, you're going to get stuck, you're going to fall down,...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e255-what-to-do-on-the-hard-days-mental-health-coach/#show-notes


In this episode, I talk about what you do on the hard days. Unbroken Nation, the thing you gotta understand is this is a forever process. You're going to get triggered; you're going to get lost, you're going to get stuck, you're going to fall down, you're going to fail, you're gonna iterate, you're gonna take samples, you're going to learn every single day every day, not sometimes, not an occasion every day. And on some days you're gonna fail, and on some days when the days are hard and on some days when the days are amazing, and on the days that you win, you're going to be learning, you're iterating, you're taking samples of the world, but on the hard days still you have to do it anyway. You show up anyway. You live your life anyway.

Do you ever have one of those days where you're just like, I just can't fucking do this anymore?

Listen Now, Unbroken Nation.
If you are experiencing this right now, this is for you! 

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Transcript

Do you ever have one of those days where you're just like I just can't fucking do this anymore?

What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well wherever you are in the world today. So I was thinking about this a lot over the course of the last few days or someone in the new discord channel asked me to talk about this topic. Before I jump in I'll tell you this if you're not in the discord go to thinkunbroken.com/discord and join our private channel I'm gonna be doing coaching in the discord, I'm gonna be doing giveaways in the discord, I'm going to be doing a lot of different things over there including having conversations like this where I'm asking you what do you want to learn about or talk about and then bring in it over into the show. So if you have not please go to thinkunbroken.com/discord and join us. So what do you do on the hard days?

Look the thing is and I’ve known this to be incredibly true about my journey in my experience. Some days are gonna fucking suck, some days are gonna suck it just as that way, you know some days you're just not gonna wanna deal with this, some days you're going to want to just bury your head in the sand and run away and disappear. It's true. I wish it wasn't true, I wish I could tell you that eleven almost twelve years into doing this work to showing up for myself, for healing, for learning, for growing from personal development and conferences in book reading and podcast listening and writing in all the things that everything was perfect but it ain't and it ain't never gonna be. And you know I try to tell people this all the time when you come into coaching with me, when you read a book, when you listen this podcast when you come into you know download the apps whatever it is when you're in this, when you sign on this is life you're in this from now on because there's going to be hard days. And people seem to have this weird conception where they're like, oh I did the thing so my life should be better. Guys that doesn't work that way like look, Unbroken Nation the thing you guys gotta to understand is this is a forever process you're gonna get triggered, you're gonna get lost, you're gonna get stuck, you're gonna fall down, you're gonna fail, you're gonna iterate, you're gonna take samples, you're going to learn every single day literally every day, not sometimes, not an occasion every day. And on some days you're gonna fail and on some days when the days are hard and on some days when the days are amazing and on the days that you win you're going to be learning you're iterating, you're taking samples of the world. And on the hard days and I know this isn't what you wanna hear. You do it anyway. You show up anyway. You live your life anyway. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to be upset, it's okay to be angry at the world but you show up anyway, you still have a life to live, kids to take care of, a career responsibilities a jump like everything and all because you're having a bad day doesn't make the world stop, because you have a bad day and you wanna and and the day is hard and you wanna go land under the blankets all day the world doesn't stop.

You know I tell people time that the thing that changed my life as I don't negotiate with myself. I'll give you a perfect example. I just recorded this podcast the same exact one that we're talking about right now and the damn mic was unplugged because I just got back from traveling I plug my computer back in apparently did not plug the chord in all the way had to re record it nothing me more than that I'm gonna be honest with your super pissed off for four seconds and I like alright do it again and so here I am doing it again, why? Because it's hard, it's a hard day like I was deep, I was in the zone, I was in the mode and it happened and I thought to myself well shit well I made a promise to myself, I made a commitment, I'm going to put out three hundred and sixty-five episodes of this show. And that means I gotta show up, I made a commitment, I'm gonna take care of my health, I gotta show up, I made a commitment, I was gonna write my third book - Unbroken Man. I gotta show up, I made a commitment, I was gonna coach people and start the discord and have the conversations and all the things that I do because I gotta show up. And what the hard days I'm telling you like there are days I don't wanna do any of this, there are days or where I'm just like why don't I even start Think Unbroken and there are days where I'm like fuck it, you know I suffered all this trauma why should I do this? And then I remind myself that I do not negotiate with myself.

Your goals and your dreams do not care about your excuses; this doesn't mean you don't have self care. I slept in this morning you guys know I talk about this all, I do not sleep in I get out of bed before my alarm every day except on the days I don't and this morning I needed to sleep in been on six airplanes this week I'm exhausted like had just a crazy week traveling Miami and then Atlanta and then Denver and then LA and then Austin and then all the play, right? And it's like it does not stop. I've been on planes I don't know fifteen times, sixteen times that's year already and on the days where I'm tired and I'm exhausted I asked myself that I accomplished the thing I said I was going to accomplish? If the answer is no; I do not go to bed until it's done, I do not negotiate with myself and I know that's like so against the grain of self help and personal development in the trauma space and it everyone's like we'll take the day and relax and take care of yourself. Guys, I'm sorry I'm gonna keep it real with you I’ve never found that to work, I've never found that to work because what happens in next day is I go shit I didn't do the thing I said, I was gonna do. I get upset, I did that for a long time and you to say tomorrow till tomorrow it's fine tomorrow and then I realized as I've told you many times when they are gonna run out of tomorrow; when you run out of tomorrow as well you're dead you don't get do the thing you should have done today.

And I've also found that when I do the thing anyway, my day, my life immediately gets better whatever happened to me, whatever's happening, whatever will happen gets removed from the present moment and I'm here and I'm here with you, I'm here with myself right. And so on the hard days do the thing that you need to do. Now look the thing you need to do is necessary always about the goal or the accomplishments, that's not what I'm saying. Sometimes it's journal, meditation, drinking water, going for the walk, take them the nap if that's what you like it's about doing what unique because like if you're not moving towards fulfillment and happiness and cessation in your life I don't know what you're doing, right? And so so many people are like I gotta do all the things all the time. No, you don't. But you gotta do most of the things all the time and some things you do have to do all the time like I do not under any circumstances unless I am sick like I was with covid back in November and I still actually didn't. I don't lay in bed; I do not stay in bed all day I refuse it. I cannot tell you how many times a laid in bed stoned, eating gummy bears, watching TV, hours, days, weeks of my life gone forever. Time I'll never get back.

You know he stick with covid, I got up took showers, got into the living and I'm sat the couch, read, watch TV like did things that I could do and that's kind of what the point of this is that I'm saying is do the things you can do. You're gonna get triggered, it's true, it's gonna happen. You're gonna get mad, it's gonna happen. You're going to be sad and angry it's gonna happen but you're also gonna be happy and joyful and full of happiness and all the things that you need on the other side of the spectrum. And I think ultimately is recognizing an understanding that you need to give yourself some grace. Can you just give yourself a little bit of grace for the hard days and say yeah I recognize I'm having a hard day, I don't feel good, stomach hurts, headache, got triggered fight with the partner, job sucks whatever right and go okay cool, haven't a hard day show up anyway, do it anyway. And again this is against the conventional wisdom of this space that I live in that I work in that I've spent the last decade plus of my life then. There's always the opportunity of when you need it to just remove yourself entirely. That's there you've gotta to decide that for yourself I'm not gonna give you permission for that because I don't. I rarely if ever have a day where I'm just like totally removed from life in fact I don't even remember the last time that it happened and because of that it's like I'm still gonna get up, I'm gonna make my bed, gonna take care of myself, eat the right foods, get the right rest, go to the gym, workout, journal, meditate, do visualization, work on the business, coach my clients, write the books, do the podcast every day because this is life like I don't think about tomorrow I just don't think about it like it's not here yet.

So I always ask myself when a wake up who do I need to be today for tomorrow? I don't think I'll ever be who I need to be, I don't think you will ever be who you need to be. It's a continual moving forward, it's the effort and energy that creates our life.

And so what I want you to think about is in those moments on the hard days are you giving up on yourself?

It's a hard question some uncomfortable even think about I just like having those words coming on my own mouth but you have to ask yourself are you giving up on yourself? It takes as much energy to destroy your life as it does to build your life so where are you putting that energy today? Where is it going? What are you doing? What are you building? Who are you going to be today for tomorrow? Are you gonna show up anyway? Because you know the next hard day's coming. The next difficult thing is on its way it's gonna get there, it's gonna be right there staring you in the face and are you gonna cower and run away or are you gonna step to it and do what you need to do?

And again there's a very very distinct line between taking care of yourself and taking it easy on yourself and you must be willing to push through the adversity, the pain, the frustration, the anger and all the things that wanna stop you because if you are not your life will not be different.

So ask yourself… what do I need to do today for tomorrow?

Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening it means the world to me.

Please like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.