March 30, 2022

E254: Will Smith and Generational Trauma | Trauma Healing Coach

E254: Will Smith and Generational Trauma | Trauma Healing Coach

In this episode, I was thinking about what happened with Will Smith. And I was thinking about something really interesting as I watched the video. Two things come to mind; one, it's Hollywood could very likely be fake; let's just keep it real; it is...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e254-audio-from-will-smith-and-generational-trauma-trauma-healing-coach/#show-notes


In this episode, I was thinking about what happened with Will Smith. And I was thinking about something really interesting as I watched the video. Two things come to mind; one, it's Hollywood could very likely be fake; let's just keep it real; it is what it is. Two, and more importantly, is thinking about the precedent that experience sets for culture, community, people, couples, and relationships for children.

We have people dying worldwide every day because violence begets violence, hurts people, hurts people; that's why we're on this Mission at Think Unbroken to give people the tools. You've got to use those tools. You got to leverage those tools. You got to bring those tools into your life because you cannot end the cycle if you don't. It's your time to be the person that breaks this generational trauma curse.

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Transcript

Hey! What's up, Unbroken Nation! Hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. First and foremost, a little bit of audio quality difference today, don't have a mic with me on the road, just spent the weekend at Grant Cardone is 10x growthcon right now I'm standing in a hotel room in L.A., getting ready to go have dinner with Tom Bilyeu which I'm incredibly incredibly excited about.

But that said, before we get into today's show, just a quick reminder that you can join our Discord Channel, which is going to be our chat channel, for The Unbroken Nation Community or even talk about a ton of different things about growth, mental health, Think Unbroken this whole thing we're doing together, trying to make our lives better. So if you got to thinkunbroken.com/discord. You can download and join the Think Unbroken Discord, which I will be doing live coaching on Tuesday nights and I'm very, very excited about that.

 

So that said, I was thinking about this thing that happened with Will Smith. Like let's keep it real obviously it's pop culture, it's a media, we all know about it now, there's no one who doesn't. And I was thinking about something really interesting as I watched the video. Two things come to mind, one, it's Hollywood could very likely be fake like let's just keep it real it is what it is. Two, and more importantly, is thinking about the precedent that experience sets for culture, for community, for people, for couple’s, relationships for children and I was just looking at that, like, what the fuck are these guys doing? What are they doing? You know, big conversation I've been having so much lately as about toxic masculinity, and I've been talking about Unbroken Man, the new book that's coming out June, if you go to men.thinkunbroken.com, you can check that out.

A row Unbroken Man, as kind of like this high-level to have this conversation because I was thinking to myself, it's kind of insane that we are still dealing with these men who are so adverse to the idea of doing the work. Like we all know will went through some bad stuff like to be that public like part of me is like, I can't wait till I'm like on these huge stages and maybe there's some fame to it so we can spread the word a little bit more than the other part of me is like the scrutiny and the public, shame and pressure and guilt and all the things that come along with that, it's just must be hell to their sometimes and so really my heart goes out to Will first and foremost because you see someone act like that and you go, that's not normative. Right? Why would someone do that? There's unresolved anger, unresolved hurt. So let's say for context, right? Because I know somebody's going to email me already know who you are, and they're going to get staged, I don't give a shit staged or not. Let's say it is, let's say, it's not doesn't matter. My point is this, all these people around the world see this, people of color, children, me, you, we all saw this, right? This moment where he walks up the stage, smacks Chris Rock after his wife was insulted.

Let me say this, I am not prone violence, not pro violence, I promise I'm not. I've been in, I don't know, 200 fights in my life probably more I have no idea, I broken my hands on people's faces, I've broken people's faces like I've done some, some fucking violence stuff in my life, especially when I was young. I haven't been in a fight in 13 years now and I think about this when I watch this, I go, oh my God, like this is the precedent we're setting for teaching people how it is okay to communicate with each other.

You know, I have a rule in my life, it's one simple rules when it comes to there's a lot of rules but the one that I come to is this… from arguing with someone there's no yelling, there's no hitting, there's no belittling, there's no shame in, we sit down and we talk. We cool off when we have to cool off. We take a break we have to take a break when we come back to it, and we step into creating resolution as adults. Easier said than done. Right? Look, it's a learned tool, you have to be able to learn how to do this because like you can't just smack people in the face because they hurt your feelings.

Look, the truth is, I'll give you a perfect example, somebody wrote a fucking two-star review for this podcast the other day and it's like that hurts my feelings enough that I'm like, fuck it will do better, right? But I'm not going to go hunt them down and smack them in the face, right? And I get it, people both sides of this fence, some people are like, hey, you got to defend your people. I agree with this. I will defend my people till the day I die, I defend this company, I defend The Unbroken Nation, my family's, my friends, like I defend people. And if you touch me, that's a whole different scenario, right? But if we're sitting in conflict, we've got to be able to resolve it.

And I have this memory, and I wrote about this on Instagram. About this memory when I was young and we were in a safe way, I was with my stepdad and we were in line getting ready to check out and he had sandals on, you know, these old like crappy leather sandals and his toes, his feet were so nasty like you could ask my brother is like there were fucking disgusting. I don't remember commenting on it and the lady in front of us like laughed, she like smirked and as soon as we got home, like he kicked the shit out of me I mean it was bad, it was one of the worst beatings I ever took because his feelings were hurt.

Think about that for a second.

His feelings were hurt like Will’s feelings; his wife's feelings were hurt.

And how did he react violence and violence, begets violence, right?

And then there's that trickle-down effect.

You see that happening in your children, and your children's children and this is a continuation of generational trauma is the very thing that we are fighting every single day to end. And then you take arguably one of the top 10 most famous people probably in the history of the world Will Smith.

You put him in that scenario and he reacts like that and my first thought was well, it seems like he's got some unresolved trauma he needs to deal with. And then it's a sad precedent because I look at this and I think to myself, man, how would I react in that moment? I get angry, I got fired up like there's I keep this energy in me so frequently and I try to use it for good. And sometimes it comes out and that's not as good as I want it to be, that's human nature and I'm always learning how to like work on that shit. But in that moment, I thought to myself, man, what would I do? Like, I want to defend my person, my people, my family, my community, my business. Now the other hand I want to punch this guy in the fucking mouth. And the truth is, it's a lose-lose situation when violence gets involved and look, people will say, well, the argument, there's cause for violence sometimes, yeah, there is 100%, like if you're defending your life, your family's life, 100%. I'll never argue that. I mean, why I grew up violence was a part of our daily life, but when it comes to something like that scrutiny, shame, judgment.

People are always what I've tried to teach you guys you got to pay attention to what I'm telling you right now. There's one always trying to teach you guys. Listen to me, hear me right now.

You got to do the work.

You gotta do the work.

You have to have the tools.

So when that moment comes because it's going to come again.

You're going to be able to defend yourself the right way.

I tell you all the time, people are judging you, they already are judging you, they're already shaming you, they've already made a decision about who you are, they're already talking shit about you, they don't like your hair, your tattoos, they don't like the way you talk, or how you dress, or the way your words come out of your mouth, as a company you keep, or the job that you have or the car that you drive, but that has nothing to do with you. But the way that you react does and you have to make a decision in these moments of scrutiny of judgment of, who am I? Who am I going to be in this moment? Because it's easy to go to your primal, right? You get back into that part of your neck. I'm gonna fucking destroy this person because I'm hurt.

Now, you guys know, I'm not very religious, but you know in the Bible there's a verse, you know, an eye for an eye, but it never really met like going hurt your neighbors and I think that's where people just get lost in this, they want to go and hurt each other because they were hurt. And you realize you sit down and you think ask yourself a question here.

Like do I need to understand this person or knew I need to be understood? And so many of us vie for this attention of being understood when people hurt us. And look, I'm not going to get in any more detail than that about them, Will and Chris Rock, and his wife or whatever because I don't know them. But what I am going to say about it, it's just I want you to take into consideration that sometimes when people lash out at us, sometimes when there are hurt. And yes, this was in the context of comedy, you guys know, I love stand-up comedy, I'm very un-pc, I don't give a fuck. But, you know, you remove that from this and let's say it's just in our day-to-day lives, which is where this normally happens not on big stages, right?

Think about why that person is lashing out what has happened in their life because remember their shit has nothing to do with you. They're thing has nothing to do with you. You happen to be in the crossfire and we can result in violence and this can result in has you having this moment where we're heartbroken and devastated that someone heard us, but ultimately we have to be willing to acknowledge and look at this and say that has nothing to do with me. And be able to move forward and go on into what's next in our lives. And my hope is that this is a lesson for people to look at this in measure and go is this how I want my children to behave? Is this how I want to behave? Is this how I want my family, my friends, my community to behave when we were in conflict? You know, we have people dying around the world every single day because violence begets violence, hurt people, hurt people, tell you this all the time, that's why we're on this Mission at Think Unbroken to give people the tools. You've got to use those tools. You got to leverage those tools. You got to bring those tools in your life because if you don't, you cannot end the cycle. And it's your time to be the person that breaks this generational trauma curse.

Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening.

I appreciate it, just had to get this off my chest in the hotel today will be back to normal recording here in a day or two.

Please check out thinkunbroken.com/discord to join our Discord. I'm a doing live coaching live Q&A every single week, you got to be in that group I'm not doing it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram LinkedIn. I'm not doing it anywhere else except in our private channel. So thinkunbroken.com/discord and check out the new book Unbroken Man A Man's Guide to being the hero of Their Own Story at men.thinkunbroken.com

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

-I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.