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March 12, 2022

E236: What is Personal Agency | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Podcast

In this episode, I want to talk to you about what it means to have personal agency. One of the key attributes that I believe is a part of the healing journey is recognizing and understanding the greatest sense of truth. I believe true healing that...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e236-what-is-personal-agency-cptsd-and-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


In this episode, I want to talk to you about what it means to have personal agency.

One of the key attributes that I believe is a part of the healing journey is recognizing and understanding the greatest sense of truth. I believe true healing that you'll ever discover is the idea that it is okay to say no; it is okay to say yes, to only the things you want to say yes and say no to.

Have you ever noticed in your life that you have an incredibly difficult time saying yes or no to the things that you want to say yes or no, too?

Listen Now as I dive into this episode!

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Transcript

Have you ever noticed in your life that you have an incredibly difficult time saying yes, or no to the things that you want to say yes or no, to?

What's up, Unbroken Nation. I hope that you're doing well, wherever you are in the world today. Very excited to be back with you with another episode. And today I want to talk to you about what it means to have personal agency.

One of the key attributes that I believe is a part of the healing journey is recognizing and understanding that the greatest sense of true, what I believe true healing that you'll ever discover is the idea that it is, okay to say no and it is okay to say yes, to only the things that you want to say yes and say, no to.

So many of us get caught up in needing to bend who we are and we've talked about this idea about agency before in this idea of how when you consider causation and correlation you go through this experience of life when which you can't show up for yourself because it's become almost autonomic to not be you as a parameter of safety. And people often ask me they go, okay, well, cool, so I understand that my past is in past impacted my present, I understand that it's difficult possibly for me to be able to live life on my terms.

So, what do I really begin?

I think one of the most important things that you need to do is get massive clarity about your values and we've talked about this on the show many, many times, so I won't get into that go look at thinkunbrokenpodcast.com search for values and go with some of the episode of out values because you're going to need that first and foremost before you head into what's next.

So once you know your values and I'll give you mine as an exercise as we go through this; is honesty, kindness, self-actualization, leadership and no excuses. So since I know my values, I know the way that I want to operate in the world, when I'm faced with certain scenarios and circumstances that come up in my life. The most important thing that you have to leverage going into this is understanding that when you filter the decisions that you make in your life, through your value system that gives you more accessibility to your authentic self, and in that accessibility you discover a personal agency. An agency is your ability to really navigate and move towards who it is that you are every single day without being so subjugated to the idea, that who you are is not okay, in the only way that you get that is you have to continually show up as who you are day in and day out. And look, especially on the difficult days, especially on the hard days, especially on the days that you don't want to because if you're not willing to, then you're not going to tap into your agency and I would call this the most interesting secret about healing trauma is that ultimately, it is agency that sets you free.

Now, there's community to be involved, there's healing, there's coaching obviously, you can read think unbroken, you listen to this podcast, but it's honestly, in the moments in which you show up for yourself as yourself, in which you are going to grow the most. And I look at my own personal life as this adventure of self-discovery and every single day being like, okay, who am I today? How do I want to show up? Who do I want to be? The another episode just last month I talked about the most important questions you need to ask yourself. So getting deeper into agency is really about this idea of, can you be who you are without fear of ramification? Because you recognize that you now live in a safe environment.

Now, if you don't, there's other things that you must first address because I will say this, I don't know how you can step into being yourself in an unsafe environment. So if you are an unsafe environment, I would say the first thing that I would do if I were you I would start getting myself out of that, by whatever means that took, whether that's going and living with friends or moving States or whatever and I know, that's a weird thing to have to think about, but like the truth is, until I left my home environment, nothing change until I left Indiana, nothing changed until I love Portland, nothing changed until I left Bali, nothing change, like the list goes on and on. You have to put yourself in a position to be successful in life.

And so in doing that and being in an environment that is safe, you're going to be better able to express who you are and discover that while simultaneously, recognizing understanding that in this discovery process there's going to be a lot of screw-ups, a lot of hiccups, a lot of fuck-ups and a lot of moments where like I cannot believe I just did that, but that is a part of this.

And so agency is can you ask yourself?

What do I need to do today to be me?

How do I need to operate?

What does it mean to say, yes?

What does it mean to say, no?

And then hold yourself to that, right?

You have to make a decision because accountability is so, incredibly important as you're going through this process because if you don't hold yourself accountable, nobody else is going to. And accountability here, also means that when you say, I am going to do something or I'm not going to do something you follow through, but it's not for any other, here's my opinion on it. I think follow-through is important and empirical in this journey for one reason, because if you cannot trust yourself, you're never going to be able to navigate the world in a way that is going to build and create your life because when it comes to the moment, in which you need to be you, we will often bend who we are because we have not yet solidified trust about who it is that we want to be and how we show up. And I will tell you this, it took me probably five or six years to be comfortable with that idea and even comfortable in what I just told you.

So, I will tell you this obviously have a tremendous amount of patience and grace for yourself, but if every day you can show up and ask yourself, what does personal agency mean to me? What does it mean for me to show up as myself? What does it mean for me to be me, then on a long enough time line, I promise you my friend, you will become you? Like there's not a joke and it's not hubris when I say that Michael right now, the person you are listening to me, like, literally I created myself and that came through making hard choices and decisions filtered through my values that move me towards my goals.

And so, if you are willing to do that, your life will be incredibly different but you have to give yourself permission to go and chase this.

Unbroken Nation, my friends.

Thank you so much for listening.

Please, like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

-I'll see you.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.