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Jan. 29, 2022

E194: Make Your Damn Bed | Trauma Healing Podcast

In this episode, if you're listening right now in your home, you know your bed is not made; go make your bed. When I think about this, giving a damn about yourself starts with making your bed because that will create a trickle-down effect on how you...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e194-make-your-damn-bed-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes


In this episode, if you're listening right now in your home, you know your bed is not made; go make your bed.

When I think about this, giving a damn about yourself starts with making your bed because that will create a trickle-down effect on how you look at your environment.

Let me tell you why this matters.

I am going to share a vulnerable story with you.

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Transcript

Make Your Damn Bed.

Seriously, make your bed.

In the morning, when you get up, make your bed.

Why does that matter?

And if you're listening right now in your home, you know your bed is not made, go make your bed.

Let me tell you why this matters.

Growing up one of them going to share vulnerable story with you.

One of the things growing up in my childhood that was consummate was how disgusting our home was. We had rats, we had roaches, we had mice, one time it was so gross, like we had rats and roaches crawling on us as we slept, as little kids, we didn't actually have a bed, we slept on a concrete floor that was covered in sheets and blankets in the middle freezing cold, winter in Indiana, and you would feel like the cold rise up from this concrete slab because we didn't have carpet in this room and we would lay there as bundled tight as we could, and one of the things that we did is we would wrap the blankets around our head as tightly as possible to keep the roaches from crawling on as as we slept.

I think actually happened more than once but one time I recall vividly is when a roach crawled into one of my little brother’s ears, we had to take him to the emergency room, talk about like the craziest gross thing ever. And we have beds for a very long time, we would sometimes get a bunk bed or would break or we'd get stuff from the church and it would be too small or too big or whatever eventually we did have beds, and I remember that.

I think the first time I really remember having a bed of my own, when I live with my mother, I had a bunk bed at my grandmother's house but with my mom and my stepdad, I think the first bed that we had I want to say I was probably like eight years old, there was a good period of time where we just did not have a bed and who knows why? I don't even think about it that often anymore. But I remember getting this bed and our room always being disheveled and dirty because you had three young boys living together and a room, effectively, the size of a small bedroom and we were stacked on top of each other all the time and our room would always just be gross and disgusting and I think that's probably true for a lot of little boys.

And so our house also reflected that, but we didn't really know anything different, our house was always disheveled and look, I get it, I understand her trauma response and so I'm not like shaming her anything it doesn’t matter anyway, and so our house was often very gross.

I remember probably about 15 years ago; I was in my early 20s. I might have been a late teen actually, and I had moved into my roommate’s house at the time and I remember walking into his bedroom one day and we were chatting, and his bed was made, and this like blew my fucking mind, because I never actually seen anyone make their bed before, I didn't like movies like military films, right? And when I was in JROTC, that was something that they talked about as well, like make your bed, and so, from a military context I always understood it.

But from a practical real-life experience I never seen anyone make their bed before and so, I'm standing in his room were having this conversation, he's like, yeah, make my bed every single day, because when I make my bed every single day, like, I feel clean and that like blew my mind because I always felt dirty like in up to that point like I remember being 19, 20 years old, living with him, my bedroom was fucking disgusting, like I'm gonna keep it real with you like I lived on my own for the first time, it was gross, there would be like trash in my room, clothes on the ground, it smelled bad, the sheets. And so what happen was I had this conversation with him, he said that and I was like, wow, that really resonates with me and that day, I started cleaning and I started cleaning and started cleaning and throwing stuff out, and arranging, I painted my room, I started to make it my own and from that day forward I started making my bed and it wasn't just about the cleanliness that stuck to me in that but it was also about me having control over my life, because all I had ever known was chaos over here, right?

Think about your life, your childhood growing up its chaotic, its disheveled, it's uncertain. One level of certainty that you're able to add to your life that gives you control in a healthy way is cleanliness; is cleaning your room, is making your bed, is showing up for yourself first thing in the morning and doing that. And so since that moment, I have always made my bed like I make my bed when I'm in a fucking hotel, at a friend's house at an Air B&B, I don't care where I am in the world, I make my bed every single day.

Moving forward, I'm going to mention this in my morning routine because I never do, I don't think I've ever actually talked about this.

My morning routine, and I know you guys have heard me say it a million times, I won't dive in includes making my bed and I've never actually talked about, I'm so used to it, it's so autonomic in my life for 17 years that I never think about it. Like if you don't make your bed, you're missing out on an opportunity to create certainty in your life that builds control around coming through a chaotic background.

So, the reason I'm telling you this and sharing this story with you is because making my bed gives me the ability to do something that I think, I did not have the words for until recently, and that's just because it was autonomic, I was like, oh, if I clean my room, I make my bed, I have cleanliness, I have control. So I'm going to say this and I know that this dude is polarizing if you don't like him, I don't care it has nothing to do with me.

So, listen to this podcast with Jordan Pederson and Jordan, while he is very polarizing and I certainly don't agree with everything he says, I fucking agree with this. He goes; make your bed and treat yourself like you give a damn about yourself. He said; how would you ever trust advice from somebody who doesn't give a damn about themselves enough to make their bed? And I was like, holy shit, it's like being seen, it's like being called out, and I was like, do I get it now because like that process of its cleanliness, and right? It's doing the little thing to take control over your life. And what that meant for me, this making the bed concept this thing that.

If you're fucking listening to this still right now, I want to say this to you, making your bed can make your life so incredibly different because what you're going to do through that is you will make your bed you will look at it and you go, there are clothes on the floor, the room is disheveled, it smells weird in here, I need to wipe the mirrors, I need to clean, I need to take care of myself, I need to be a person who gives a damn about myself, that's so powerful. Like it's so powerful because we spend so much time being spiraled out of control, we spend so much time adhering to everybody else's needs, we spend so much time whether you're a man or a woman being in this position and our lives where we feel so overwhelmed and so busy that we don't do the little things that actually matter.

And so, when I think about this giving a damn about yourself starts with making your bed because that's going to create a trickle down effect about the way that you look at your environment. If you've grown up in chaos, you've grown up not in control, you've grown up in this position, in this circumstance, in which life has always dictated how you should be, right? It's really this analogy, I refuse this, I cannot explain how much I mean, what I'm about to say. I will never ever under any fucking circumstances be in an environment with rats and roaches. I will never be in an environment with rats and roaches ever in bucking circumstance.

And so I apply that logic to my daily life, to my living, to how I show up the cleanliness of my room, my kitchen, my living room, my studio, my environment, my bathroom, my health, my body, my clothes, my activities, my car, my interactions with people that matters because if you treat yourself, like, you give a damn about yourself that will reflect and not only all of your environment but also in the interactions that you're having in the world. And one of the difficult parts about this is for many of us we did not have parent’s, mothers, fathers, guardian’s, community that supported us and giving us the autonomy to take care of ourselves without negative ramifications on the back side, right?

There are people listening to this I know are reading this right now who are going to think to themselves. Yeah, I get why you say clean your room, but I'm not gonna do it because I'm contrarian, and I'm going to show them because they made me do this, and when I didn't, they punished me, and I don't want that experience, but I'm going to promise you this.

When you flip that narrative to saying I am doing this for me, because it makes my life better, because I'm the kind of person who gives a damn about myself because I want to live in a clean environment because I do not want to be in chaos, you will see that pay dividends in your life in ways you cannot imagine; in your connection, in your relationships, in your businesses, in your family, in your career, in your community, because if you give a damn about yourself when you wake up in the morning, you'll give a damn about yourself in the afternoon and in the evening and in the days and the weeks, and the months and the years to follow and people around you will see that.

There's this moment that I distinctly remember where I was sitting in my living room recently and just looking at my environment and going. Well, it's clean in here, I feel good about myself, I took care of myself today like really sometimes taking care of yourself, is something as odd as for what most people may believe odd, as cleaning, it matters, folks it matters.

Like if you're a man, if you're a woman, think about this.

If people come into your house and it's disgusting, how do you feel emotionally about that? How does it feel when somebody walks in your house and you're freaking the fuck out because you're like, oh I didn't have eight minutes to stuff everything in the closet, that used to be my life, I used to know by heart, hold on, gotta stay outside in the cold for seven minutes while I go and I stuff everything in this closet, so you don't think I'm fucking disgusting that was really what I did. And now it's like, I never even cross my mind, the Pope, the president, Jay-Z could come in my house right now and it would be spotless an Immaculate, not overkill, I mean, there's probably four dishes in the sink right now, right? I'm not in this place in my life where I'm like, oh my God, I do dishes immediately, but I am in this place, I swear I look and I go, is it clean? Is it up kept? Is it in a way that I feel proud? Right? I have pride about the way that I show up in my life every day because if you're willing to make your bed, then you'll be willing to clean your room, you'll be willing to do your laundry to shave, right? If that's a thing for you to do your makeup, if that's the thing for you to put on your clothes, to go outside, to contribute to society, to show up, to be better employee, to be a better business owner, to be a better partner, better lover, I mean like because it's the attention to detail that matters that starts to transform who you are in the world because showing up today in the little way.

It takes 37 seconds to make your bed and that creates a precedent for you, giving a damn about yourself and then the effect of the ripple of that moment, I swear to God, will impact you in ways that you don't even understand right now. And when you bring attention to that, your life becomes incredibly different.

So, Unbroken Nation, thank you so much for listening.

I appreciate you, thank you for being here.

Please like, subscribe, comment, share.

Tell a friend.

And Until Next Time.

My friends, Be Unbroken.

-I'll see ya.

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Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.