In this episode, I read a chapter of my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma and share with you about “Move Forward.” Sometimes, things won't work out, but I hope we are willing to keep moving forward. It is not only...
See show notes at: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e146-move-forward-cptsd-and-trauma-healing-podcast/#show-notes
In this episode, I read a chapter of my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma and share with you about “Move Forward.”
Sometimes, things won't work out, but I hope we are willing to keep moving forward. It is not only important during tough times, it’s just as important in many other aspects of life as well. We must get up!
Why is moving forward important?
You have to identify the WHY of your actions.
Find out and listen to this episode!
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You are one decision away from a completely different life. – Mel Robbins
Moving forward is one of the most difficult tasks we face. The steps we have to take towards health, for most of us are very foreign. As we did not grow up in a state of safety, security, or care.
Now, as adults, it has become our responsibility to take care of ourselves. In the beginning, taking care of myself was the equivalent of walking into a mechanic shop and them giving me a wrench.
I had no idea what I was doing but I knew that I had to keep going because somewhere along the line, it would all make sense. There is no way that you are going to go to therapy, change where you live, leave your partner, get your dream job, fall in love or write that book without falling into old patterns and habits, that is human nature. We want to be comfortable. We Chase it. We crave it.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone and into owning who you are is going to be so hard that you will question if it's worth it and all the shit that comes along, when you fall back you have to keep going.
Tapping in your own humanity may be confusing at first as your brain and body become used to kindness compassion and strength. You will fall back into old habits and routines as you create new ones that are just the nature of healing. I wish I could simply write down a goal and it happens, but that's not reality.
However, falling down is my favorite part of the process because each time I hit the ground, I get an opportunity to regroup readjust and reposition for my next move.
There is something special in the moments that we get knocked down because that's where our real character shines. You get to where you are overnight and you aren't going to get to where you want to be overnight, either. The key is when you fall back which you will to get the fuck up, dust yourself off, stop making excuses and move forward. If you step back, that's fine. Good. That means that you are moving forward, to begin with. When you step back, do not beat yourself up. You are a fucking warrior. Learn from your trial and keep going. If you slip once, that doesn't mean that you are forced back to start.
Beating yourself up when you fall down is like striking a match when your house is already on fire. It's pointless.
A few years ago, I was working for a fantastic company, surrounded by incredible friends and as happy as I have ever been, maybe but around Christmas time I fell into one of the worst oppressions that I had experienced in years. I was alone, eating chicken wings and drinking whiskey at some shitty Dive Bar in southeast Portland while everyone else was with their families and friends celebrating the holidays. I was pissed off at the world and myself for all the shit I had done in my past.
That night, I ate like shit, drank too much, watch TV non-stop, and probably put on five pounds from the three rounds of buffalo wings, but I allowed myself the space to do that without beating myself up.
The part about the healing process, that no one ever admits is that sometimes self-care is doing what satiates you at the moment.
Sometimes self-care is downing a bunch of food, loathing for a night, being around other people doing the same, and then getting your ass up and getting back to work.
I think it is so unfair that so many self-help books and influencers in the self-help space, say that you should never give in. I say that's bullshit because we all have moments of weakness and no one is perfect. I knew that like all of my experiences with depression they come and go.
The next morning, I got my ass up, went to the gym, and for the next 10 months didn't touch a drop of alcohol and lost another 15 pounds. It's not that I don't fall down, it's that I get up, we must get up.
The point is that I could have decided that all of the work I had done over the previous years was a waste and let the shame spiral of the vortex destroy me. I could have stayed on the course at ultimately would have been self-destruction. But instead, I told myself that I had to get back on the path.
I could see and understand why I was upset the holidays have always been a trigger for me. The months between Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve were always the most tumultuous and my childhood.
Those breaks from school were often filled with cold sleepless nights, beatings for ratings, and powdered milk, atop a grade F Cereal, was the longing for connection that I saw that cold Portland Christmas Eve night, and being able to identify that as everything.
It's the same as when you are, deep into self-care, you have to identify the WHY of your actions like – everything you are going to face the outcome is a choice.
You can choose to be a victim of your own will, or decide to be a warrior. Remember that even Warriors have bad days and when the clouds break, you get back to work.
You have an incredible strength inside of you, you wouldn't be here right now if you didn't. I think about why I do what I do and why I have to get back up for myself every time I fall down and ultimately it is because I owe it to myself.
Why do I get back up? I get back up because I have to, for me, and for those who have had something taken from them, by the people who were supposed to protect us. I have to share my story, both good and bad and I do so knowing that I am strong capable, and powerful.
When it feels like the world is against me, I know that I can be the hero of my own story. I get back up to prove to myself that I can do anything, no matter how hard it is and no matter what other people think of me, I get back up because I believe in myself.
BECOMING UNBROKEN, WHY?
It may feel natural to point your why to external reasons like your children, partner, friends or career, but I think that is a huge mistake.
Your healing journey must be about you first and foremost. It is in your best interest to find an intrinsic reason that inspires you to do the work ahead.
The people around you will change and if you make them the catalyst for the actions in your life, then you may find that when they do change, you become thrown off course and become lost in your journey, ask yourself what drives you the most? Why do you want to be happy healthy and sustained? What drives you to get up?
In this exercise, I want you to write your “WHY” and just like before the exercise, I shared mine with you so you could understand why I get back up and so much of this is a mantra.
It is a way of life, it is an understanding, it is the pathway that keeps the light on in the darkness because there are going to be times where we fall down my friends and I will tell you this; The world, for whatever reason point at us and goes, well, we expected that to happen. Fine, so be it, let them but let's not leverage them to create the power that we have in our life.
What you have inside of you is incredible. And I want you to understand this. So often in the trauma, healing journey, we are faced with these moments in which we have to have a reflection on the things that we have done both good and bad. And at this moment, what I want you to do, is leverage the amazing accomplishments that you've had.nDid you graduate high school? Did you lose weight? Wait, did you leave the home that you were abused in? Did you find a way to be successful even though the odds were stacked against you?
There are so many great things that trauma survivors have done that they have not acknowledged and I want you to reach down deep into yourself and recall, those moments and leverage those for moving forward.
Think about the impact that you have on yourself first and foremost. Why are you doing this? Why did you even read this book? Why get back up? Why are you in this place right now in this moment where despite everything you are still going?
There is something inside of you that is seeking greatness and I want you to leverage that because you are allowed to, you are allowed to be great, you are allowed to be powerful, you are allowed to get back up, stand in front of your adversaries and say, I am going to do this from me, take a few minutes and write down. Why do you get back up?