Oct. 8, 2021

E120 Ownership | CPTSD and Trauma Healing Coach

In this episode, I read a chapter of my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma and share with you about Ownership.  Ownership is about saying enough is enough and decided to begin the process to heal and change.
See show notes: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e120-ownership-cptsd-and-trauma-health-coach/#show-notes


In this episode, I read a chapter of my book Think Unbroken Understanding and Overcoming Childhood Trauma and share with you about Ownership. 

Ownership is about saying enough is enough and decided to begin the process to heal and change. Facing your trauma means that it's time for you to take ownership of your past, present, and future. The time is now; there is no tomorrow anymore. Listen, as I share this with you no matter what, and that's what we need as trauma survivors.

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Transcript

Ownership

Shame can only live in secrecy. The second you speak something out loud, it doesn't have power over you anymore. - Alex Bananen.

I'm going to guess that the reason you are reading this book is that you know deep down inside that you are ready to do, whatever it takes to become the person you know, you truly are. You have to know and hold true that you are willing to do, whatever it takes to be the person that you know you are for the rest of your life.

You have likely recognized that something is wrong in your life, and I know how frustrating it is to feel stuck. You have tried a thing or two or 200 in an effort to change things. Dare, I say that you have tried everything that you can think of? Facing your trauma means that it's time for you to take ownership over your past, your present, and your future. The time is now, there is no tomorrow anymore. You may have done all of the things but have you really own the fact that horrible shit happens to you? Have you swept it under the rug hoping you would never have to face it?

There is no more time to wait. It's time to own who you are.”

You are going to die, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to die wondering, what if.

Here is a list of questions that I don't want to ask myself on my deathbed.

  • What if I would have faced my trauma?
  • What if I would have done the work?
  • What if I would have given myself the space to be great?
  • What if I own the truth and used it to make the world a better place?
  • What if I would have apologized to the people I hurt?
  • What if I unapologetically loved myself?

You have had too many tomorrow's and now it's time to start being serious about the present. Ask yourself where has put off the shit that I know, I need to do led me? What has not taken ownership of my life left me with?

Here is a list of what happened, because I put off taking ownership of my trauma and my choices every wrong in my life. Look, that was an easy list because it's pretty straightforward. If you are like, I was then all of your tomorrow's likely look like your yesterday and today. My life became one big cluster of self-deprecation, long nights at the bar, lies, cheating, hurting, abuse, and punishment, all self-inflicted.

I'm not even talking about what I did to other people. You see the decision to not realize our true potential is a choice. Yes, I'm telling you right now. I'm sorry, but you need to hear it.

You are choosing to stay in the vortex. You are making a choice.

Now, ownership isn't about wallowing in our mistakes or using the past as an excuse for our behavior. No! that's the vortex.

Ownership is about admitting to yourself that bad should happen to you and now that same bad shit is ruining your life.

Ownership is about saying enough is enough and making the decision to begin the process to heal and change.

Ownership is stepping in front of that mirror, telling the whole truth to yourself and doing something about it.

It was ownership and accountability that lifted me from the chaos of the vortex and into the life I have now, but it didn't happen overnight.

It has taken my entire life to be where I am and I'm still working every day to maintain a baseline that is sustainable by continuing to work on my mindset, body and soul because trauma, doesn't take days off.

I think it's imperative that we get clear on what ownership is and isn't.

I don't want you to be confused about what ownership means in your life.

For years, I thought ownership was about not acknowledging that anything happened to me. That sounds stupid as I write it, but it's true.

I felt that taking ownership of my trauma was about not ever letting it come to light. I felt that keeping it hidden away was my power in protecting my trauma it became more powerful and ate away at my spirit and my soul. What I didn't know then is that trauma feeds on the darkness.

Here is a list of what ownership is for me.

  • Accepting that horrendous thing has happened.
  • Being honest about my past.
  • Getting out of bed, especially on the hard days.
  • Seeking help because I can't do everything on my own.
  • Telling the truth.
  • Being kind to myself and other people.
  • Taking a leadership role.
  • Sharing my wants, needs, and interests.
  • Standing my ground and saying no.
  • Not using people or being used by people.

Here is a list of what ownership isn't making excuses because of my trauma. The principles habits and beliefs that you are about to read and implement into your life are just that, principles habits and beliefs.

In a study released in the European Journal of Social Psychology, a team of researchers found that we have been misled and believing habits form in 30 days.

This was my understanding for years, scientifically speaking. It takes 66 days to build a new habit, 66 days is a very long time, and it might take you 66 years to get to where you want to be, but the victory is in the effort.

Each day that you move towards healing and being the person, you know that you are capable of being, you win. If you win the day, then new win the week.

If you win the week, then you win the month. If you win the month, then you win the year.

You have to determine your own definition of winning.

Winning for me is continuing to move forward, no matter what.

Winning is about looking for the good, in every situation.

Winning is self-actualization.

Ultimately, you need to figure out what that is for yourself.

Nothing about what is next in your life is going to be easy.

If it were easy, then you had already figured it out and you sure as hell wouldn't be reading this.

If it was easy, I wouldn't still be pursuing meditation, journaling, and therapy as mechanisms to stay afloat and moving forward.

Trauma doesn't die until you die. So you have to be willing to go to battle with it every day to get to where you want to be.

You are going to have to own everything in your life, you are going to have to own the good, the bad, and the indifferent.

You have to own your strengths and your weaknesses.

You have to own that, no one is coming to rescue you.

You have to own being the hero in your own story.

You have a decision to make.

Are you going to lay on your death bed wondering what could have been?

Or are you going to show up for yourself?

Becoming Unbroken – Ownership

Thinking about whatever it takes to heal and doing whatever it takes to heal are two very different things, but both are equally important.

Explore the following deathbed questions and write a few lines about the possible amazing outcomes you could experience through ownership.

  • What would happen if I faced my trauma?
  • What would it feel like if I gave myself the space to be great?
  • What would it feel like if I own the truth and used it to make my world a better place?
  • What would it feel like to fully and unapologetically love myself?

Now, these are very difficult questions and to be honest with you, when I started this journey of healing for myself, the greatest victories that I had come in the intrinsic reflection of understanding exactly where I am in this moment.

These questions, stuck out to me in this process of healing because I feel like they are the deepest understanding that we have of who we truly are in the impact of the world that we live in. And what, I understand that this is not the easiest thing in the world to do but the challenge in this is in growth and the biggest thing that you're going to take away from this is understanding a few key things. What would it feel like to fully and unapologetically love yourself?

I imagine it would be pretty beautiful, especially in consideration, that, for many of us, we have lived our lives being told that we're not only allowed to not be ourselves, but we're not allowed to love ourselves, and to dare do a full conviction, there is strengthened that there is power in that there is a chip on your shoulder that says, fuck you.

I am going to figure this out no matter what and that's really beautiful, and that's what we need as trauma survivors. Because let me tell you this and you've read this in the book so far.

No one is coming to save you, that is not a bad thing.

But are you willing to be the person to save yourself?

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.