In this episode, I share with you the book Think Unbroken, and it is about The Vortex. That darkness in that place where we're not showing up for ourselves, we're not taking care of ourselves, we're not doing the things that we said that we're going...
See show notes: https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/e114-the-vortex-trauma-healing-coach/#show-notes
In this episode, I share with you the book Think Unbroken, and it is about The Vortex. That darkness in that place where we're not showing up for ourselves, we're not taking care of ourselves, we're not doing the things that we said that we're going to do, but ultimately it's a conversation that leads us to this place, where we have massive change occur in our life.
Mindset is everything, and it starts with the information that we're putting into our brains. What are we learning? What are we taking in? What are we consuming? Who are we around? What are we doing with them? So much about what happens in our lives starts with how we gather, obtain, retain, and use education and the information we get.
As we get into this episode, I want to say thank you for listening to this.
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The things that we decide to run from the truth, would you make excuses you're running from the truth,’ David Goggins.
The Vortex is the cataclysm that our lives become when we let our story zone has instead of owning our stories.
The Vortex is a place of self-loathing, self-harm, self-denial, and self-insert other negative words here and the cold hard truth is, it's bullshit.
The Vortex is the place that hopes and dreams go to die.
The vortex is where we lose ourselves due to the circumstances of our past that have propelled us, face first into the concrete.
The way you talk to yourself is likely more harsh, critical, unkind and vulgar than the way that you would talk to your worst enemy. There are so many aspects to the vortex, but I want to focus on the most important aspect.
The way we talk to ourselves that is the core of the vortex.
The foundation of negative self-talk is a collection of thought processes that have been interrupted by outside sources such as our parents, teachers, or bullies.
In a perfect world, the people around you would bring you up, guide you to success, tell you that you are amazing and show you the way. A normal experience of childhood would be that of safety, security, and care. Well, the world isn't perfect and for us, our normal is everyone else is hell.
The people that were supposed to guide us instead fucked us up and that is not your fault, the people that hurt people are monsters. So, why should you continue to torture yourself by living vicariously through them?
You are a compilation of all of the language and events in your life and if the language and events that shaped you were toxic and harmful, then it is entirely reasonable that you would be stuck in a pattern of negativity.
No one is impervious to negative self-talk, and in this case, it is not your fault. Even Superman question his ability from time to time. Think about a rotten apple, how does that saying? Go a rotten apple spoils the bunch. Imagine that your rotten apple is a moment when you are nine years old and your mother says; you are worthless piece of shit, and no one is ever going to love you. I should have had you aborted.
Now imagine that the bunch is all of your self-talk from that moment forward. That one rotten apple or rotten apples turn into your barrel, will turn all of the rest of your healthy apples into black gunk covered and mold, that gunk and toxic mold represents your negative self-talk. In the coming chapters, we will work together to interrupt and shift negative thought, patterns.
The Vortex is the voice in your head that lies to you and tells you that you aren't good enough, capable enough, attractive enough, talented enough, smart enough, or loved enough. It's a place of pure fucking evil and it's your fault if you stay stuck there and it's your responsibility for getting out. One of my favorite things about the word fault, is that the root means to be responsible. I like to consider that fault can be both good and bad. What if I said, you're responsible for living your life to its fullest and most satisfactory potential? How would that make you feel? What if I said is your fault that your life is a horror movie, hard words to hear, right? I agree, but you need to hear that. I desperately needed to hear that, and I wish someone would have hit me in the face with a brick and tell that concept was metaphorically, and perhaps literally beaten into my head.
If I stayed the course I was on, I would be dead right now, and you would not be reading this. I needed to hear that, I was to blame and at fault for the disaster that my life had become. No one else was to blame. I couldn't blame my mother, my father, stepfather, grandmother, teachers, friends or anyone in between for anything that was happening.
I needed not only to hear that being in the vortex was my fault, but I also needed to understand that everything happening in my life that was a good bad or indifferent was entirely my fault as well.
I was able to look in the mirror and make a decision to change, but that was only after disaster had already struck, call it dumb luck or vicious stubbornness, either way. I made a choice to become healthy and that choice would take years to realize, I'm going to take it a little easier on you than I did myself. I'm going to let you off the hook. It's okay. If you didn't take ownership over your past false mistakes until this moment.
I invoke, my right to pardon you for any and everything that you have fucked up until this very moment. But I implore you to heed my words with full understanding from this moment it is all on you.
No one else is at fault for the things that will happen in your life from this moment forward, good, bad or indifferent everything is on you and no one is coming to rescue you from the bullshit. I blamed everyone and everything around me for the shit that my life was. It was a pure disaster and I believed the repercussions of my actions were never my fault. This belief landed me in the middle of the vortex. My stepfather did a masterful job of belittling me ad nauseam until the day I die. I will remember sitting on the living room floor of our rat and roach-infested house on the west side of ND, as he reigned as hate and abuse down on me over and over again.
Do you know why your real dad left you? Because you are a lazy fat cat? Who is never going to be anything. I would have left your stupid ass, too. You aren't shit! That is a hell of a rotten apple in the eight-year-olds bunch, the hardest part about remembering. Those moments, is that I ended up exactly where he said I would. I was overweight, not tapping into my potential, wasting my talents, killing myself and hurting everyone around me, I wasn't shit, and I had to accept that, but I had to do something about it, you also have to do something about it.
Becoming Unbroken. The Vortex. Negative self-talk, and self-image is one of the hardest hurdles to overcome and one of the biggest catalysts for failure, right? Five things that you love about yourself and why you love them. This may be difficult, but do not go forward and tell you right five things. Hold yourself accountable in this moment. Example; “I love the courage that I have to get up every day and live.”
This exercise is not the easiest in the world to do, and I'm going to share something with you here that I think is very important. Self-taught and learning to love ourselves is so incredibly fundamental to this healing process that I would argue that it is the most important thing that we do. The way you talk to yourself is more important than anything else that you do in this life because no one is in your head more than you are.
No one walks the streets for you. No one breathes for you. No one loves for you. No one lives for you. This is on you and the things that are taking place and transpiring in your head should be full of joy and hope and love and care.
Now, look, it's not to say there's not room here to push yourself, and to force yourself to show up for you, and to do the hard things because, you know, that down the road, they are going to be impactful but it starts with how you talk to yourself.
The reason that I want you to do this exercise and to think about the parts of yourself that you love is because it's hard, because this is difficult, because the world has told you time and time again, that you aren't worthy, you're not valid, you're nothing. But I don't believe that and I don't believe that since you are reading this that you believe that either.
And so challenge yourself right now to write five things that you love about yourself, find something, forced yourself, do it, reframe that thing in your brain, those apples that have been so bad in spoiling you throw them the fuck out.
It is your time, my friend.
It is your time and starts right now.
Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.
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