May 29, 2025

Healing Through Stories | with Jackie Tantillo

In this episode, I sit down with Jackie Tantillo who has spent years speaking to hundreds of guests about one of the most complex, personal relationships we experience. See show notes below...

From the moment we're born, we’re wrapped in a relationship that shapes our soul — the one we have with our mother. For some, it's a source of comfort. For others, a source of pain. But for all of us, it's foundational.

Jackie Tantillo is currently the Host and Exec Producer of the "Should Have Listened to my Mother" Podcast. SHLTMM Podcast is a 2024 People's Choice Podcast Award Winner for best podcast in the "Society and Culture" Category. SHLTMM is also a 2024 Nominee in two additional categories including, "Best Female" Hosted Podcast & Best Podcast in the "Kids and Family" category. SHLTMM is an ongoing conversation about mothers/female role models and the role they play/played in ones life.

Jackie has worked in broadcasting as on-air talent (radio), on camera talent (commercials and industrials), a national and international Voice Over talent, Voice Over Acting Instructor and producer and production coordinator for over four decades.

In this episode, I sit down with Jackie Tantillo who has spent years speaking to hundreds of guests about one of the most complex, personal relationships we experience. We talk about identity, memory, trauma, forgiveness, and the stories we carry about our mothers, the ones we’ve lived and the ones we’re still trying to rewrite.

Jackie shares her own story of growing up in a vibrant, chaotic, loving Italian-American home. I share pieces of mine, a home shaped by pain, abuse, and ultimately, a journey toward reconciliation. Together, we explore what it means to become who you are because of, or in spite of your mother.

This isn’t just an episode about moms. It’s about healing, about breaking cycles, and about finding your voice through the stories we often leave unspoken.

If you’ve ever struggled with your past… if you're a parent trying to do better… or if you just want to feel seen in your human messiness — this one's for you.

************* LINKS & RESOURCES *************

Learn how to heal and overcome childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, ptsd, cptsd, higher ACE scores, anxiety, depression, and mental health issues and illness. Learn tools that therapists, trauma coaches, mindset leaders, neuroscientists, and researchers use to help people heal and recover from mental health problems. Discover real and practical advice and guidance for how to understand and overcome childhood trauma, abuse, and narc abuse mental trauma. Heal your body and mind, stop limiting beliefs, end self-sabotage, and become the HERO of your own story.

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LINKS:

Website: https://www.jackietantillo.com/

Jackie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jackie-tantillo/

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Michael Unbroken: One of the things I am incredibly fascinated with is the dynamic of interpersonal human relationships—partly because of my own experience, and partly because, as a human, you're going to have relationships from the moment you're born. You’ll have a relationship with your mother and father, whether they're present or not. You’ll have relationships with your family members and the people around you.

Until the day you die, you’ll have a relationship not only with yourself but with others. When I think about relationships, I also think about how deeply ingrained we are in the relationships we have with our mothers. One person who has had the gift of having this conversation with hundreds of people is my friend Jackie. Welcome to the show, my friend. Thank you for being here.

Jackie Tantillo: Hi Mike. It's so nice to be on the flip side—me being the guest and you asking me the questions.

Michael Unbroken: Yes. And the first one: why should anyone listen to our conversation today?

Jackie Tantillo: Wow, that’s a big one. There are a couple of reasons why I started this podcast, Should Have Listened to My Mother. My mom would have hated that name—it wasn’t what she was all about. But what it’s really about is: are you who you are today because of, or in spite of, your mom?

A mother has a bond with her child that is irreplaceable. Every person has a different experience with their mom, and so have the hundreds of guests on my show. It’s part of Native American traditions—oral history, storytelling, the passing down of reference and wisdom. If we don’t express how we feel or what we’ve experienced—and only share it with a therapist who can’t share it onward—how do we learn?

I feel like I have a PhD in ‘ology,’ if that’s even a thing. It’s not about becoming an expert or knowing everything. It’s about listening to stories, being compassionate, understanding how people piece their lives together. Some had wonderful relationships with their mom; some didn’t. It’s what you do with those life lessons. Your steps to adulthood. How you choose to live your life.

Michael Unbroken: You know, when you reached out to me, my team said, “Hey, there’s this really interesting podcast you should do.” My initial response when I read the title was: “I don’t think so.” But I sat with it and asked, “Why?”

Because, like many listeners of Think Unbroken, the relationship with their mother isn’t one they find fond—or even want to talk about, especially publicly.

But as I reflected—on my own story, and the reconciliation I’ve had with my mother after years of abuse, after she cut off my finger and everything else—I realised that what we do here is give people permission to walk their own journey. Maybe reconcile. Maybe find healing.

And that’s what you do. I didn’t get that from just the title. It’s obviously more complex than Should Have Listened to My Mother. So I’m curious—what was your relationship like with your mother? What made you want to create a show?

Jackie Tantillo: Our mom was amazing. Her name was Linda. She’s passed. We were a big Italian-American family—more Mediterranean than traditional Italian. She was very progressive. My dad was born in 1912, my mom in 1920—two generations older than most of my peers' parents. They lived through the Depression. WWII. A very different world.

When they met, they came from different backgrounds, but were completely aligned spiritually, philosophically, ethically. Family was everything. We grew up in New York—Long Island, Brooklyn. The four older kids were born in Brooklyn, then my dad got a job overseas in Spain. He was a civil engineer, working for the Navy. The three younger kids—including me—were born in Gibraltar or Spain. We lived in Europe for five years.

When we returned to the U.S., my siblings were very European. They wore knee socks, not miniskirts. Spoke with accents. It was a cultural adjustment. But family remained the unit. We had dinners every night, often at 8 or 9 PM, around a round table with candles and fresh flowers. We helped cook, cleaned up together, and discussed politics and world events.

We weren’t a typical American family. We were tight-knit. We didn’t go out much. My parents didn’t ground us—they just said no.

Spiritually and ethically, it was always family first. That gave us strength. My mom never returned to work after marriage, but she was brilliant. She was an artist, read the New York Times on the floor, designed and sewed our clothes, took art classes—all while managing seven kids. She spoke multiple languages, having lived in Peru working for the State Department. She was ahead of her time. Not a women’s libber, but she believed in being smart, opinionated, and vocal.

I wish I could talk to her now and ask what she would’ve done differently. Probably nothing. The older kids had a different relationship with her than we did. I had more freedoms. That’s a lot, I know.

Michael Unbroken: No, I love that. You know what’s funny? When I was younger, I would’ve been so mad at you for having such a good mom.

Jackie Tantillo: I feel bad talking about it, but I shouldn’t.

Michael Unbroken: No, you don’t have to. The human experience is different for everyone. And yes, your mom may have messed you up in some ways—mine did too. That’s part of it.

But hearing stories like yours, I think: that’s what it should be. And if people hear that and think, “That’s possible,” they might do things differently for their own families.

One of the reasons I launched this show—800 episodes ago—was to help people create better lives. I don’t want them to go through what I did. But I know it’s not always candles and coffee and fruit, right?

Jackie Tantillo: Oh no. Linda packed her bags and walked to the train station a few times, yelling, “I’m outta here! You kids are lazy!” We were supposed to clean the house Fridays and Saturdays. We’d stretch it out to Sunday. She did so much.

She went to Mass every morning, made breakfast, got us to school. If someone missed the bus, she’d drive 40 minutes. She got pulled over once and yelled at the cop, “I have seven kids! Go catch the bad guys!”

She vented when she needed to. As a mom myself now, with two boys in their twenties, I get it. But the question is: did you really know your mom? Or was she invisible, or on a pedestal?

I wish I could ask her that now. She was fun, loved her kids, and was full of life.

Michael Unbroken: I don’t think most people do know their mother. There are expectations of what a mother should be. But people are human.

I remember a turning point in therapy, complaining about cleaning up after my mom’s mess. And my therapist asked, “Have you ever imagined what her childhood was like?”

That changed everything. Because now, she wasn’t just my mom—she was a person.

And that’s what I want to explore with you. You’ve had hundreds of conversations solely about people’s relationships with their mothers. What stands out to you? What are we missing in these conversations?

Jackie Tantillo: It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom or dad or another adult—you can still create your own future. That’s something you’ve done.

Even if it takes time, you can use those stepping stones to move forward. It’s not always easy. Addiction, mental illness, trauma—all of that makes it harder.

But people do turn their pain into purpose. And often, those with the hardest stories are most willing to share. I sometimes take breaks between those interviews because the audience needs a breather.

But the point is: you have to decide. Are you going to bury yourself in pain, or take that first step forward?

Michael Unbroken: You said something earlier: “Are you who you are because of or in spite of your mom?” What does that mean for you?

Jackie Tantillo: I had a woman who was constantly encouraging me. Sending me newspaper clippings, recommending jobs, books, articles—always thinking of us.

Maybe it was something she wished for herself. I do that with my boys now. But the question is: did your mom build you up, or did she break you down?

Either way, you’re still responsible for the life you build from that.

Michael Unbroken: There’s this temptation to blame our moms for everything. But as Tony Robbins said once, “If you blame your mom for the bad, you have to blame her for the good too.”

And it’s true. Even in pain, there are gifts. Do you think people struggle with accepting that?

Jackie Tantillo: Absolutely. Wayne Dyer said the same—he used his father’s abuse as fuel. My husband’s dad was tough on him, and he used that as an example of what not to be.

That’s a gift too. Pain can be fuel if you use it. You just have to want to heal.

Michael Unbroken: What narrative did you pick up from your mom that you had to let go?

Jackie Tantillo: Her self-esteem. For all her brilliance, she didn’t believe in herself. She never put herself first. I think we inherited some of that too.

But she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. She challenged priests during confession! That gave us a broader view of spirituality.

One of the greatest gifts she gave us was that openness.

Michael Unbroken: I love that. We learn so much just by watching.

Now, you’ve interviewed so many people. How do you think a mother shapes her child’s confidence, self-worth, and identity?

Jackie Tantillo: I see it in my own siblings. We all had different relationships with our mom.

We absorb everything—good and bad. We have to learn to sort through it. Mothers aren’t goddesses. They’re human. They’re not perfect. And the expectations we place on them are enormous.

When I started the podcast, I’d hear people say, “She did the best she could with what she had,” and I’d think—no, she didn’t.

Some of the stories were horrific. Abandonment. Abuse. But over time, I realised that phrase is often a tool for forgiveness. A way to move forward.

Michael Unbroken: I once posted that I don’t believe all parents did the best they could. It struck a nerve. But sometimes it does feel like a cop-out.

Still, it becomes a path to healing for many.

What have you learned about the healing process?

Jackie Tantillo: Some use art. Some use music. Some transform through physical health. But ultimately, healing often starts with forgiveness—if you can find it.

Even the people who experienced the worst can reach that point. Or they become parents and decide to do it differently. That’s healing too.

Michael Unbroken: Is there a story from your show that changed how you mother your children?

Jackie Tantillo: Listening. Not just hearing, but truly listening. Making eye contact. Turning off the phone. That’s everything.

And engaging one-on-one—doing something together, whether it’s reading, walking, painting. That’s how you bond. That’s how you really get to know each other.

Michael Unbroken: Jackie, thank you so much. For people who want to find your podcast?

Jackie Tantillo: Just search Should Have Listened to My Mother or my name—Jackie Tantillo. We're everywhere.

Michael Unbroken: Brilliant. Final question: what does it mean to be unbroken?

Jackie Tantillo: To be whole and sound. If I can love myself as much as I love others—give myself that time and grace—I think I’m on the path to being unbroken.

Michael Unbroken: I love that. Thank you again. And thank you, Unbroken Nation. Share this with someone—maybe even your mother.

Until Next time, Be Unbroken.

I'll see you guys.

Michael Unbroken

Coach

Michael is an entrepreneur, best-selling author, speaker, coach, and advocate for adult survivors of childhood trauma.

Jackie Tantillo

Podcast Host, Voice Over Artist

BIO:
Jackie Tantillo is currently the Host and Exec Producer of the "Should Have Listened to my Mother" Podcast. SHLTMM Podcast is a 2024 People's Choice Podcast Award Winner for best podcast in the "Society and Culture" Category. SHLTMM is also a 2024 Nominee in two additional categories including, "Best Female" Hosted Podcast & Best Podcast in the "Kids and Family" category. SHLTMM is an ongoing conversation about mothers/female role models and the role they play/played in ones life.

As a DJ Jackie, or "Juani," her family nickname, had the luxury of sitting down with endless iconic musicians and performers, including Clarence Clemens, Don Henley, Joe Walsh, Kate Pierson of the B-52s, Lou Reed, Roland Orzabal of Tears for Fears, Elvis Costello, and so many more. While an on-air talent, Jackie/Juani, worked in tandem as a stringer for the ABC Rock Radio Network-Young Adult News Call.

Currently Jackie is enjoying her conversations with guests from around the world on her podcast. Jackie emphasizes, "everyone has stories to tell of their mother/female role model and it's important to reflect on that personal relationship whether good or bad."

"You'll be amazed at human nature and how we can overcome our obstacl… Read More