Jan. 20, 2026
3 Steps to healing Childhood Trauma
In this episode I talk about how to have a. real identity shift.
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WEBVTT
00:01.567 --> 00:09.379
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been thinking more and more about the identity politics that we play with ourselves as people who had childhood trauma.
00:10.441 --> 00:21.398
[SPEAKER_00]: And recently I was in Phoenix, I was on stage speaking in front of a group of about, let's say, 30-ish insurance professionals.
00:21.378 --> 00:34.639
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I'm getting ready to go on stage, I had this brief thought, where I started to remember all of the moments and all of the times that people told me I wasn't good enough.
00:35.721 --> 00:39.387
[SPEAKER_00]: And that I wasn't important and that I didn't matter.
00:39.367 --> 00:44.277
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead of letting that hinder me, I used it as fuel.
00:44.799 --> 00:54.099
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you've listened to this show long enough, you know that I am certainly a proponent of leveraging dark energy for fuel when necessary.
00:54.720 --> 00:59.029
[SPEAKER_00]: And this was certainly one of those necessary moments.
00:59.009 --> 01:06.356
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I'm on stage, I'm doing my thing, and in the middle of it, I just thought to myself, this is who I have chosen to be.
01:06.376 --> 01:16.865
[SPEAKER_00]: I chose to be a public speaker, I chose to be a coach, I chose to make podcasts, I chose to be an author and write 3, 4, 5, 10, 100 books in my lifetime.
01:18.186 --> 01:29.016
[SPEAKER_00]: I made the decision to let go of the identity of someone who was just simply a child
01:28.996 --> 01:42.291
[SPEAKER_00]: And in letting go of that identity, the thing that has happened is I've been able to create and shape the identity that I have today of someone who is resilient.
01:43.052 --> 01:52.303
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the tagline of my new talk is embracing adversity to forge resiliency.
01:52.283 --> 02:01.412
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we have to be willing to embrace the truth of the reality of the experience that we're in and it sucks, right?
02:01.452 --> 02:03.454
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you're like, this is not who I am.
02:03.514 --> 02:17.008
[SPEAKER_00]: I know there's something more, but in this moment, I can't quite seem to figure out how to become that person and that my friend is an experience that honestly we all have.
02:16.988 --> 02:18.190
[SPEAKER_00]: I've certainly had it.
02:18.952 --> 02:33.883
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would even argue over the last two years, I've been going through it again, trying to get back to the place of having a really clear and foundational understanding of where I'm at, who I am and what I want.
02:35.804 --> 02:40.048
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think about this in regard to everything in our life.
02:41.410 --> 02:45.934
[SPEAKER_00]: You're only ever going to have what you want to have in your life.
02:46.855 --> 02:49.257
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever you drive towards, whatever you push for.
02:50.338 --> 03:01.930
[SPEAKER_00]: But the identity that we have often, especially that identity of someone who had a traumatic childhood is that that can become the point of,
03:03.226 --> 03:13.562
[SPEAKER_00]: contention in everything that we do where we sit and we look at our life and we're always at an internal struggle and battle with ourselves.
03:14.484 --> 03:24.700
[SPEAKER_00]: And so a big challenge that we face is letting go of that and sitting in the truth of the reality that we are actually in control.
03:26.743 --> 03:27.565
[SPEAKER_00]: This is crazy.
03:27.625 --> 03:30.870
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if you really pause and think about this, you are in control.
03:32.167 --> 03:34.810
[SPEAKER_00]: you are in control.
03:35.931 --> 03:37.933
[SPEAKER_00]: But fear keeps us stuck.
03:38.574 --> 03:40.716
[SPEAKER_00]: Shame keeps us stuck.
03:40.736 --> 03:43.118
[SPEAKER_00]: Gilt and judgment keep us stuck.
03:43.138 --> 03:46.261
[SPEAKER_00]: We feel like who am I to change?
03:46.602 --> 03:47.963
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't they know about the past?
03:48.444 --> 03:50.265
[SPEAKER_00]: Didn't they see who I was before?
03:50.706 --> 03:52.308
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't they know that I suffered?
03:52.328 --> 03:56.672
[SPEAKER_00]: They're never going to believe that I'm this person now.
03:58.272 --> 04:01.057
[SPEAKER_00]: And that narrative is one that has kept me stuck over the years.
04:01.117 --> 04:04.002
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can call that limiting beliefs, you can call that self-sabotage.
04:04.563 --> 04:09.172
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think that's the disposition of a person who has struggled their whole life to be seen.
04:09.232 --> 04:14.161
[SPEAKER_00]: And every time that they attempted to be seen, they were pushed down.
04:14.862 --> 04:18.188
[SPEAKER_00]: They were muddied, they were kicked.
04:18.168 --> 04:30.906
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you get into this new phase of life as you're looking at what's in front of you, the question then becomes, well, if I have that experience, kind of have a different experience.
04:31.928 --> 04:35.653
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is where the identity shifts, starts to come into play.
04:35.633 --> 04:53.300
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've come to find that a huge part of shifting your identity lives in this space of one writing down exactly who you want to be, your mission, your vision, your values, to getting someone to help you with it.
04:53.340 --> 04:57.446
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I've coached thousands of people over the last 10 years.
04:57.507 --> 05:03.075
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, thousands of people, tens of thousands of books sold millions of people have
05:03.055 --> 05:08.501
[SPEAKER_00]: And we've been able to see people's lives change and it's absolutely incredible.
05:09.623 --> 05:19.214
[SPEAKER_00]: But three is where the transformation actually happens and that's in the massive action that you must take to create the life that you want.
05:19.575 --> 05:29.907
[SPEAKER_00]: And I call that the unbroken method.
05:29.887 --> 05:36.117
[SPEAKER_00]: And I believe that this is possible for everyone, like at the end of the day, I think everyone can have this life.
05:36.438 --> 05:37.640
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no reason that you can't.
05:39.723 --> 05:56.991
[SPEAKER_00]: In a lot of times, the way that you get to have this life, they just have to decide today, in this moment, in this second, and in every single second in which the idea of who you are today is challenged by the person that you are.
05:58.372 --> 06:02.578
[SPEAKER_00]: of who do I choose to be?
06:06.103 --> 06:07.485
[SPEAKER_00]: Who do I choose to be?
06:08.846 --> 06:09.928
[SPEAKER_00]: Resultably it's up to you.
06:11.750 --> 06:17.799
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's difficult, and it's hard, right, because you're like, man, but I've been this other person for so long.
06:19.061 --> 06:23.547
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you have, but you don't have to be.
06:25.289 --> 06:27.332
[SPEAKER_00]: So, some don't think about today.
00:01.567 --> 00:09.379
[SPEAKER_00]: I've been thinking more and more about the identity politics that we play with ourselves as people who had childhood trauma.
00:10.441 --> 00:21.398
[SPEAKER_00]: And recently I was in Phoenix, I was on stage speaking in front of a group of about, let's say, 30-ish insurance professionals.
00:21.378 --> 00:34.639
[SPEAKER_00]: And as I'm getting ready to go on stage, I had this brief thought, where I started to remember all of the moments and all of the times that people told me I wasn't good enough.
00:35.721 --> 00:39.387
[SPEAKER_00]: And that I wasn't important and that I didn't matter.
00:39.367 --> 00:44.277
[SPEAKER_00]: And instead of letting that hinder me, I used it as fuel.
00:44.799 --> 00:54.099
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you've listened to this show long enough, you know that I am certainly a proponent of leveraging dark energy for fuel when necessary.
00:54.720 --> 00:59.029
[SPEAKER_00]: And this was certainly one of those necessary moments.
00:59.009 --> 01:06.356
[SPEAKER_00]: So, I'm on stage, I'm doing my thing, and in the middle of it, I just thought to myself, this is who I have chosen to be.
01:06.376 --> 01:16.865
[SPEAKER_00]: I chose to be a public speaker, I chose to be a coach, I chose to make podcasts, I chose to be an author and write 3, 4, 5, 10, 100 books in my lifetime.
01:18.186 --> 01:29.016
[SPEAKER_00]: I made the decision to let go of the identity of someone who was just simply a child
01:28.996 --> 01:42.291
[SPEAKER_00]: And in letting go of that identity, the thing that has happened is I've been able to create and shape the identity that I have today of someone who is resilient.
01:43.052 --> 01:52.303
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the tagline of my new talk is embracing adversity to forge resiliency.
01:52.283 --> 02:01.412
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we have to be willing to embrace the truth of the reality of the experience that we're in and it sucks, right?
02:01.452 --> 02:03.454
[SPEAKER_00]: Because you're like, this is not who I am.
02:03.514 --> 02:17.008
[SPEAKER_00]: I know there's something more, but in this moment, I can't quite seem to figure out how to become that person and that my friend is an experience that honestly we all have.
02:16.988 --> 02:18.190
[SPEAKER_00]: I've certainly had it.
02:18.952 --> 02:33.883
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would even argue over the last two years, I've been going through it again, trying to get back to the place of having a really clear and foundational understanding of where I'm at, who I am and what I want.
02:35.804 --> 02:40.048
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think about this in regard to everything in our life.
02:41.410 --> 02:45.934
[SPEAKER_00]: You're only ever going to have what you want to have in your life.
02:46.855 --> 02:49.257
[SPEAKER_00]: Whatever you drive towards, whatever you push for.
02:50.338 --> 03:01.930
[SPEAKER_00]: But the identity that we have often, especially that identity of someone who had a traumatic childhood is that that can become the point of,
03:03.226 --> 03:13.562
[SPEAKER_00]: contention in everything that we do where we sit and we look at our life and we're always at an internal struggle and battle with ourselves.
03:14.484 --> 03:24.700
[SPEAKER_00]: And so a big challenge that we face is letting go of that and sitting in the truth of the reality that we are actually in control.
03:26.743 --> 03:27.565
[SPEAKER_00]: This is crazy.
03:27.625 --> 03:30.870
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if you really pause and think about this, you are in control.
03:32.167 --> 03:34.810
[SPEAKER_00]: you are in control.
03:35.931 --> 03:37.933
[SPEAKER_00]: But fear keeps us stuck.
03:38.574 --> 03:40.716
[SPEAKER_00]: Shame keeps us stuck.
03:40.736 --> 03:43.118
[SPEAKER_00]: Gilt and judgment keep us stuck.
03:43.138 --> 03:46.261
[SPEAKER_00]: We feel like who am I to change?
03:46.602 --> 03:47.963
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't they know about the past?
03:48.444 --> 03:50.265
[SPEAKER_00]: Didn't they see who I was before?
03:50.706 --> 03:52.308
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't they know that I suffered?
03:52.328 --> 03:56.672
[SPEAKER_00]: They're never going to believe that I'm this person now.
03:58.272 --> 04:01.057
[SPEAKER_00]: And that narrative is one that has kept me stuck over the years.
04:01.117 --> 04:04.002
[SPEAKER_00]: And you can call that limiting beliefs, you can call that self-sabotage.
04:04.563 --> 04:09.172
[SPEAKER_00]: I just think that's the disposition of a person who has struggled their whole life to be seen.
04:09.232 --> 04:14.161
[SPEAKER_00]: And every time that they attempted to be seen, they were pushed down.
04:14.862 --> 04:18.188
[SPEAKER_00]: They were muddied, they were kicked.
04:18.168 --> 04:30.906
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you get into this new phase of life as you're looking at what's in front of you, the question then becomes, well, if I have that experience, kind of have a different experience.
04:31.928 --> 04:35.653
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is where the identity shifts, starts to come into play.
04:35.633 --> 04:53.300
[SPEAKER_00]: And I've come to find that a huge part of shifting your identity lives in this space of one writing down exactly who you want to be, your mission, your vision, your values, to getting someone to help you with it.
04:53.340 --> 04:57.446
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I've coached thousands of people over the last 10 years.
04:57.507 --> 05:03.075
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, thousands of people, tens of thousands of books sold millions of people have
05:03.055 --> 05:08.501
[SPEAKER_00]: And we've been able to see people's lives change and it's absolutely incredible.
05:09.623 --> 05:19.214
[SPEAKER_00]: But three is where the transformation actually happens and that's in the massive action that you must take to create the life that you want.
05:19.575 --> 05:29.907
[SPEAKER_00]: And I call that the unbroken method.
05:29.887 --> 05:36.117
[SPEAKER_00]: And I believe that this is possible for everyone, like at the end of the day, I think everyone can have this life.
05:36.438 --> 05:37.640
[SPEAKER_00]: There's no reason that you can't.
05:39.723 --> 05:56.991
[SPEAKER_00]: In a lot of times, the way that you get to have this life, they just have to decide today, in this moment, in this second, and in every single second in which the idea of who you are today is challenged by the person that you are.
05:58.372 --> 06:02.578
[SPEAKER_00]: of who do I choose to be?
06:06.103 --> 06:07.485
[SPEAKER_00]: Who do I choose to be?
06:08.846 --> 06:09.928
[SPEAKER_00]: Resultably it's up to you.
06:11.750 --> 06:17.799
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's difficult, and it's hard, right, because you're like, man, but I've been this other person for so long.
06:19.061 --> 06:23.547
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep, you have, but you don't have to be.
06:25.289 --> 06:27.332
[SPEAKER_00]: So, some don't think about today.
